


Run and Hide For Your Life

by Rachel_Lu



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chameleon Arch, Emotional, Episode AU: s03e08-09 Human Nature/Family of Blood, Episode: s03e08-09 Human Nature/Family of Blood, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Human Doctor (Doctor Who), Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 61,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel_Lu/pseuds/Rachel_Lu
Summary: The Doctor and Rose flee to 1913, where they must hide from the Family of Blood.  How the Doctor places Rose in his human self's mind, however, could prove to be more trouble for them than the Family themselves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ALERT: This is from 'Run and Hide for Your LIfe' on Wattpad with about 1000 words added to every chapter. It's much better than it used to be, so if you read that one, I encourage you to read this one too, as I have improved a lot since then!
> 
> Please review! I hope you enjoy the first chapter!

The sound of feet pounding was the only thing rocketing through Rose Tyler’s head. Of course, they were running, there was always running.  He was holding her hand, and she kind of wished he wasn’t, because if there was one thing the Doctor was, he was faster than he

“Come on, Rose, keep up!” He said, tugging her along.  

On the other hand, she supposed it was good that he was pulling her, or she would have been destroyed the moment he’d set off.  It must be nice to have Time Lord reflexes, she thought grudgingly.  She bowed her head and ran faster, so she was level with him.

“‘Atta girl!” The Doctor panted gleefully.  They reached the TARDIS and the Doctor pushed her violently into the door, slamming the doors of the ship shut behind them.

“What’s going on?” Rose shouted, since it seemed that talking at a regular volume was not going to get to the Doctor at the moment.

He looked at her blearily for a moment, breathing heavily.  "Did they see you?!" The Doctor yelled, shoving Rose farther up the ramp to the console while she was still trying to catch her breath.

"I don't know, Doctor, I don't know who we're running from!" She shouted back, falling into the jump seat, trying not to close her eyes and go right to sleep. They’d been running for so _long._

"Did anyone see you!" The Doctor's voice was frantic.  He searched her eyes and grabbed her shoulders.

"I didn't see anyone, so I don't think so," Rose tried lowering her voice to calm him, but there was no luck of that.  He was still staring at her, eyes boring into her as though she wasn’t telling him the truth.  After a moment, he released her.

He swung around the console, throwing levers and pressing buttons much more aggressively than he needed to.  The only expression she could put to this behavior was panic.  It was like she wasn’t even there for several minutes as he sent them into the Vortex, and she realized she was going to have to reel him back in.

"Doctor?" She tried to approach him, but he didn't seem to be seeing her.  Once he sent them onto their course, he glanced upwards and let out a heavy sigh, finally looking at her again.  "Never thought I’d have to use that.”  He said softly, looking a little pained

"Use what?" Rose followed his gaze up to the high ceiling of the console room, where there seemed to be a large metal headset with handles on the sides.  It looked a bit like a torture device, maybe for shock therapy of something, and the thought made her stomach turn to rocks.  She took a step forward and linked her arm through the Doctor's, trying to get him to snap out of it.  "Doctor," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.  "What is that? And who was following us?"

"The Family of Blood," the Doctor explained, still staring up at the contraption on the ceiling.  "They basically want to eat me."

"What?!" Rose pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand and closed her eyes, trying to be calm.  He sounded too bland about that, like something like this had happened before.  "Care to explain that?"

"The Family doesn't live very long," the Doctor explained, pressing a button that lowered the contraption to him.  He still held her arm in his, almost like it was for support.  "They need the energy of a Time Lord to stay alive.  And, well, they've only got one to choose from."  He glanced back at her.  "So we need to hide."

"Can't we just stay in the Vortex till they're gone?" Rose asked, furrowing her brows.

"No," the Doctor replied quickly.  "There's no sense of time in the Vortex.  Anywhere we go, they can track a Time Lord.  That is," he gestured to the machine, "Unless the Time Lord isn't a Time Lord anymore."

She felt her heart plummet. She stared at the thing again, now able to inspect it closer as it was eye level.  "You're scaring me," Rose said warningly, "What are you going to do?"

"Rewrite my biology and make myself human."

Rose's face went completely white.  "You mean, you're gonna... Regenerate again?"

"No, no, no," the Doctor tried to reassure her.  He settled the helmet like contraption over his head.  "Rewrites the inside, not the outside.  I'll still look like this, but I won't remember being who I am.  I'll be, well, let's see, John Smith, that's easy to remember, yeah?  Anyway, I'll be John Smith, one heart, completely human."  He glanced at her, “The TARDIS will make me an identity beyond that.”

Rose furrowed her brows at him.  "Isn't that going to hurt?  Rewriting your entire biological makeup?"

The Doctor nodded solemnly.  "Like hell."

She let out a long breath.  "And you won't remember the TARDIS, or aliens, or anything?"

The Doctor pulled his arm from away from her and started at frantically flipping switches on the machine and reaching up to steady himself on the bars on the helmet.  "No, I won't.  Even if I remember anything, they'll be very strange dreams, they won't be realistic for me." He shrugged, “At least, that’s my understanding of it.”

"Will you remember me?" Rose asked quietly, afraid to voice her fear.

"Yes," the Doctor nodded, fishing something out of his pocket.  "I don't know how my mind will place you, what role you'll have in John Smith's life, but you'll be aware.  The TARDIS will help you out," He set what he was holding in an indent in the helmet.  "This fob watch with contain my Time Lord DNA.  John Smith will think nothing of it, but you must watch over it.  Only open it if you have to."

Rose nodded, her panic mounting with every word.

"The TARDIS will integrate us into a society, sometime, somewhere, wherever we'll blend in the best," the Doctor's words turned frantic.  He flipped several switches and pushed the watch farther before turning to Rose.  "She'll set out clothes for us, I'll be unconscious for awhile so it's Christmas all over again for you."  His attempt at humor was graciously received, earning him a smile from Rose, but nothing more.

"I'll do my best, Doctor," she said, trying to be brave but also trying to let him know that she wasn’t sure she could do it.  

He smiled at her.  "I know you will.  Now, stand back, I don't want you in the middle of this."

Rose complied, backing away to the jump seat, still keeping an eye on him.

"Oh, and Rose?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't let me eat any pears.  I don't care what humans think of them, they're hardly satisfactory." He wrinkled up his nose in disgust.

She was just managing a real smile when the Doctor flipped the final switch and started screaming.

It was a fierce, blood-curdling scream, all the Doctor being ripped right out of him, and it terrified her, and she wanted to scream for him.  His eyes were squeezed shut, his fingers clenched around the handles of the Chameleon Arch.  He looked like his knees were about to buckle, and his teeth gritted against his cries. Rose stopped herself from reaching for him several times during the course of those painful minutes when the very essence of the Doctor was pushed into that tiny watch.

After several minutes, the Doctor collapsed to the floor unconscious.   _No,_ she reminded herself, _I've gotta call him John now._ The idea of that didn’t exactly fill her with any sort of pleasant feeling.  That wasn’t the Doctor.  And that made her feel sick inside.  

She walked slowly over the console and stood there briefly.  "Where are you putting us?"  She asked quietly, stroking the coral wall.  The TARDIS hummed comfortingly in response, though she seemed a little worried, and Rose stepped over to where the Doctor, or rather John, was lying.

She laid her head over his chest and felt one heartbeat.  She never thought something so normal could sound so foreign.  Moving her hand to the other side of his chest, she felt the emptiness there.  Any time they cuddled or sat even a little too close, she could feel the double beat, and after time, she found it to be very reassuring.  

She sighed, leaving her cheek against him for probably too long.  She pulled back and sat back on her heels, watching him.  After a moment, she leaned over and pressed her wrist to his forehead. He was warmer than he’d been before, as his Time Lord self had been cool and dry to the touch.  She let her head hang forward and closed her eyes, trying to focus.

“Come on, Rose,” she murmured to herself, “You’ve got to do something.”

She only turned from him when two suitcases and two sets of clothes fell from the ceiling.  She took one look at the old-timey ladies and men's clothing.  She calculated in her head where they were, her extensive knowledge from travelling with the Doctor helping her out quite a bit.

Then the TARDIS chimed happily in the back of her head, telling her exactly where they were.

1913.

_Oh, no._

"I'm no lady!" She shouted at the TARDIS.  She exhaled harshly.  "This'll be bloody brilliant."

It was only then that the TARDIS also reminded her what she was going to have to do.

“Oh,” she looked at the clothes and then back at him. “RIght.  Yes.  Change him.” She shifted to force him to sit up against the console, still slumped over. “Guess it really is like Christmas, isn’t it?” She murmured, as though it was to him, though it was more to her.  

The outfit the TARDIS had put out for him was really a bit of alright. Any girl that had had a fantasy of a historical romance would melt at this opportunity, but Rose was too busy worrying.  She loosened his tie, grumbling to herself.  The TARDIS couldn’t pick a time period before he passed out?  She didn’t think he’d like the idea of her dressing him, or rather, undressing him, even though she’d done it before.  

He was so still it was like he was dead.  If she couldn’t feel his breathing, than she would suspect that he _was_ dead.  She switched shirts, and trousers, and shoes.  And finally, he was dressed in a tweed suit and looked quite a bit dashing, if she was allowed to say so.  

There was the matter of his hair, though.  It stuck out all over the place, and there would never be a place for hair like that, however fantastic, in the 1900s.  The TARDIS helpfully supplied a bucket of water next to her.

“Do you really expect me to wash his hair?” Rose snapped, but she could tell that the TARDIS definitely expected that. She also realized that the TARDIS was trying to warn her that the Doctor would wake soon.  

She put the towel the TARDIS had provided around his shoulders and looked at his head, all lolled to the side.  She shoved her hands into the bucket and then ran her hands through his hair, wincing at the sticky pull of the gel. Once it was all out, she toweled his hair dry.  It felt like taking care of a sick child, and she supposed, in a way, that was what it was.  

He was sick, and she was going to have to take care of him. She stroked her hands through his hair, styling in it in a way that had been more similar to how it was when they had first set off again after his regeneration.  

She blew out her cheeks and sat back, looking at his hair, fluffy and parted.  Now she’d have to get him outside before he woke up.  She looked up at the TARDIS ceiling.  “Oh, this is not going to be easy, is it?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goodness!! Thank you guys all so much for all the love on the last chapter!! Please let me know if you guys enjoy!

 

Rose had quite a time of changing herself after the Doctor had wiped his own memory.  She tried to pretend to herself that it was just a regeneration, but she was far more worried this time.  Not necessarily with his health, but how he would adjust.

She wrestled herself into the numerous petticoats and stockings.  There were little brown ankle boots to go with the light blue dress that the TARDIS had offered her.  It fit her tight about the waist and chest but was high collared, making her wrinkle her nose at her own reflection. This was not how she had wanted to look right before the Doctor put her in a new spot in his life.  

Unfortunately, she was going to have to make do, because the TARDIS refused to open the suitcase so Rose couldn’t look for anything else to wear.  She did, however, provide instructions for the updo she was supposed to complete.  Luckily, it wasn’t too difficult, and she only grumbled a little while she put it all up.  After a few moments of making sure that everything was going to stay in place, she stood up and regarded her whole appearance, barely recognizing herself.  She smoothed down her skirts and went back to the Doctor, who was still slumped against the console, out cold.

The TARDIS proved to be very helpful, all things considered, helping Rose open the doors so she could heave the Doctor and then the suitcases out of them.  She noticed they were in a barn.  Furrowing her brow in confusion, she peered outside the giant doors and saw there was a great expanse of field in front of her.  A small dirt road was to the left of the barn.  She shut the door and turned back to the TARDIS, heaving a heavy sigh.

"What now?" she muttered to herself.  She felt the TARDIS hum in the back of her head, and she glanced at the Doctor.  "Best get you away from the TARDIS, yeah?" she said quietly.  She lifted him, which was nearly impossible with him being dead weight, but by some miracle was able to get him outside the barn.  She darted back in for the suitcases and returned to her spot next to him.  She fanned herself a little, trying to ignore how warm she was getting.  It was going to be like this all the time, after all, so she had better get used to it.

She leaned over and felt his forehead again.  He was much warmer than his Time Lord self, as she had noticed before, but she wondered if he was even running a fever. He was almost _too_ warm.  She supposed that was normal, all things considered, but the warmth was foreign and unnerving to her.  She reached to touch his hand, a hand she had held many times, but this time, it was so different she almost couldn’t fathom that this had been the Doctor not an hour ago.  She stroked her thumb over his, trying to remember that this _was_ the Doctor.

“John,” she said softly, trying to get used to the taste of the name in her mouth. She wrinkled her nose. She didn’t like it, not really.  It felt like it burned in the back of her throat.  She pushed his hair back so that it was a little smoother and sat back, relaxing her muscles.

So she waited.  She sat next to the Doctor, or John, rather, against the barn.  She leaned her head against the rough wall instead of his shoulder, like she would have usually done.  She tried to convince herself mentally that she could do it, that she could protect him.  She closed her eyes against the late summer sun and, despite her worry and fear, drifted off to sleep.

She awoke from her light doze at the Doctor's touch on her shoulder.  "Rose?" His voice was a warm purr and it could have lulled her back to sleep all by itself.

"Sorry," Rose touched her head, and noticed his worried look.  "I'm alright.  You were asleep too, when did you wake up?"

"A few moments ago," the Doctor, _no, John,_ said, smiling softly as he got to his feet.  "Our carriage will be arriving soon."

"Will it?" Rose asked, and John helped her to her feet.  He picked up both their suitcases and she was about to protest before she remembered she would have to be a meek and quiet woman.  Her heart fell a little at that.  There was no way she would be able to do that.  Her, with her South London accent and twenty-first century ideals. She’d never fit in, but she hoped that the Doctor ( _John)_ would want to keep her around.

"Yes," John nodded, "On our way to the Farrington School for Boys!" he said excitedly.  "The beginning of our new life!  Aren't you proud of me?"  He turned and winked at her.

Rose smiled in spite of herself.  "Always," she had to say, because she was always proud of the Doctor, and all the brilliant things he did.  

He beamed in her direction as they started walking towards the road.  He took her arm and laced it through his, holding her tight up against his side in a manner that she wanted to call protective.  She was a bit worried, though, about how he’d placed her in his life.  There was no way for her to know, as he hadn’t said anything, and he would assume that she knew.  

Was she his daughter? Was she simply a companion here?  Assistant? If he was going to a school, he was probably a teacher.  A black horse drawn carriage started to pull along the road and Rose sent a silent telepathic thanks to the TARDIS for setting up their lives here.

John thanked the driver as he took his and Rose's suitcases.  He reached out to shake his hand, and nodded his head towards Rose with a prideful smile on his face.

"John Smith," John said, smiling kindly at the man.  "This is my wife, Rose."

Her heart immediately swelled and dropped all at the same time.  So that's how his mind had placed her.  She was relieved she was now aware and completely and utterly flattered at his choice.

He opened the carriage door for her as the driver climbed back into his seat.  She thanked him and climbed inside, and once she was safely in, John climbed in after her, shutting the carriage door behind him.  "There we are," he murmured to himself.  Without looking at Rose, he reached over and took her hand in his, the warmth of his palm engulfing hers.  Grateful that she now knew what was acceptable, she scooted a touch closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder, desperate for familiar contact.  Humming happily in the back of his throat, he turned and kissed the top of her head before facing forwards again.  Well.  That was new.

"When do you start work?" Rose asked quietly, in case he was thinking.  She hoped he was right, that he was going to teach.

"A couple of days," John responded.  "We'll have a bit to get settled in, unpack, relax.  I hear they have an excellent library, I might like to visit there."

Rose smiled.  Some things didn't change.  A good library could practically make the Doctor salivate.  Her heart pounded up into her mouth at the suggestion she offered.  "Well, then, we should go there together someday."

"Sooner rather than later," John agreed instantly.  Right, she berated herself, why would he turn his wife down for something like that?  Unless, of course, the TARDIS had given them an unhappy marriage.  She chewed her lip nervously, not realizing that John had been talking.

 "-I start my first physics class after our settling in period."

Physics.  Good to know.  Very predictable, though.  It would be easy to remember, not that she could ever forget something the Doctor told her.  Well, she did, sometimes, but only the unimportant stuff.

She felt her heart lurch a little at how excited he sounded.  "I'm proud of you, you know," she blurted out, thinking that that was probably a wifely thing to say, and if their marriage was awful it might be better to try and repair it.  

She could hear his smile in his voice as he replied, "Yes, I know."

He sounded so fond of her, so full of affection that she realized their marriage, however fabricated, was probably not a bad one.  She looked down at their hands, laced together.  He wouldn’t let go of it, even with the sweat building between two warm palms.

That was something that never happened between the two of them. His hand was always bone dry, and so there was never any awkwardness of damp hands touching and slipping around. She realized it had been a very long time since she’d held hands with a human.  Even Jack, when he had traveled with them, had left the hand holding to her and the Doctor. She suspected it was because the Doctor had blatantly given Jack the ‘hands off’ look.  Sometimes, she really missed that look.

The carriage ride was almost unbearably long, what with the summer heat, the layers of dresses, and John's warmth right up against her side.  She was afraid to move though, because apparently they were a very affectionate couple.  She was almost glad for that. She wasn’t sure how she would’ve handled it if they hadn’t been able to touch each other.  Sometimes, she just needed the reassurance that he was right there with her, even if, technically, he wasn’t.

A crushing weight ruined the moment of serenity as she had a thought that fell right to the pit of her stomach.  Would the Doctor remember any of this when he woke up?  She reached into her pocket and fiddled with the fob watch, making sure to keep it closed.  Would he resent her for how she would have to act with him?  She hoped not.  But she couldn't send John chasing after any other woman because she needed to keep a close eye on him.  And, really, she didn’t want him to _cheat_ on her because she wasn’t providing the sort of affection that he would expect from a wife.  How was he going to forgive her?

She blew out a sigh, more to herself than anyone else, almost forgetting that John was in the carriage with her.  This was going to be a lot harder than the Doctor had made it out to be, and the Doctor had made it out to be pretty difficult, all things considered.  

“Are you alright, love?” A whispered voice against her hair startled her out of the little bit of a daze that she had fallen into.  She closed her eyes, reveling in him calling her that, as it would surely not hear it after all this.  It was probably that whole idea that made her commit to the idea of playing the wife, playing _his_ wife, doing what she needed to to get by.  

And if she was honest with herself, as she needed to be, she didn't want him chasing after any other woman.  And it wasn’t just ‘getting by’ if she had to be a little flirty and affectionate with him, that wouldn’t hurt anything, not really.  But hopefully he wouldn't want her to do anything that the Doctor would regret.

"Deep in thought?" John asked her, and she moved her head off of his shoulder to look at him. He was regarding her with the gentle gaze of a contented man. Oh, God. What was he thinking about her that made him so content?  She was far from ideal, in any standard.  She blew out her cheeks and forced a smile.

"Yes," she replied, making sure to say that instead of her prefered 'yeah', which would have to stop immediately, even as she forced out the other word.  "New life, and all that."  She waved her hand a little and made herself smile at him, hoping to be encouraging.

He smiled back at her, some sort of intense pride and affection crossing his face. Well, that was just not fair. How was she supposed to control herself if he kept looking at her like that?  He leaned towards her and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and looked at her again.  "New life," he agreed, his voice softer than before.

Oh, Rose thought, he had no idea.


	3. Chapter 3

The Farrington School for Boys was rather magnificent. Or, at the very least, much more magnificent than Rose had expected.  It was similar to the design of a giant stone castle with a field surrounding its entirety.  There were several boys milling about, playing outside or sitting on one of the benches and reading books.

A stone path led to the front door, and Rose couldn’t help but feel that this was right out of a movie.  She didn’t think she had ever entered a situation with the Doctor that was quite so calm right out of the gate.  She was used to incessant panic and excitement, at the very least.  This was not the case now.  Her heart was at a normal rate, and they were to be walking here, not running.  Hiding.  Being  _ careful.   _

"Their term hasn't started yet, right?" Rose asked, a little confused.  She thought a school like this would be quite rigorous in its schooling, being as it was a boarding school and all. Shed heard the horror stories of places like that, of course.

"No, still summer for them," John replied.  "In that last throws of it,” He said grandly, with a hand gesture and everything,  “But still summer."

John exited the carriage, then walked briskly around to her side to help her out of the door.  It was reminiscent of something the Doctor would've done, chivalrous and all that.  She had a little trouble with skirts but John steadied her and smiled widely at her.  She couldn’t help but smile back, and that scared her.  The driver took their bags as Rose hooked her arm through John's and they walked to the front of the school.  

This, she realized, her head spinning, was strolling. She didn’t think she’d ever done it before, and maybe she didn’t really  _ want  _ to, not after all that traveling with the Doctor. She liked running, liked her blood rushing in her ears and things changing moment to moment, never managing to remain the same.

A woman in her early thirties walked along the path to meet them, as though she had been told the exact  _ moment  _ of their arrival.  "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, lovely to meet you," she said, beckoning for them to follow her inside.  "My name is Claudia Lehra, headmistress in the headmaster’s absence.” At their confused looks, she elaborated,with a delicate hand movement, “Our headmaster which you were expecting, has taken ill.  I am working in his place.  Do not worry,  you'll likely meet him later in the year."

"Good to meet you," John smiled at Claudia, his eyes kind and understanding.  "I hope the headmaster gets well soon."

"As do I," Claudia replied.  "Let me show you to your room."

John moved out of Rose's grasp to pick up both their suitcases.  Again, she had the urge to protest, but obviously couldn’t. Instead, she lay a hand on his shoulder for a moment, hoping that it would be enough to thank him. He looked over his shoulder and winked at her, telling her that her message was well received.

Claudia led them up a staircase and through several different corridors until they reached a hallway rowed with mahogany doors.  "This is where our teachers stay during the school year," Claudia explained, and gestured to the second door on the left.  “This is where you'll be staying.  I hope you'll find the accommodations satisfactory."

"I'm sure we will.  Thank you, Ms. Lehra," John said.

"You're very welcome, sir.  There is one bathroom down the hallway, we do have to share,” she smiled apologetically.  “Should you need anything, I'll be in the head office.  I urge you to come to me with any complaint you might have.  You are being paid as a teacher, but the maids and servants are also being paid to  _ work.  _ I fear that they forget that sometimes." She bowed her head respectfully and walked from the corridor without another word.

“Well, I don’t plan on complaining unless there’s roaches in our bed,” John teased, and Rose was sure that the laugh that she forced out sounded choked to him.  He just laughed back at her.

"Here we are, then," Rose smiled, feeling a bit awkward.  "Shall we go in?"

John turned and beamed at her, again, and Rose had to wonder how often he was planning on doing that. It was making her feel like she was melting into a puddle.  Rose opened the door for him, since he still had both suitcases, and he gestured for her to enter first.  After she walked in he followed behind her and kicked the door shut. 

The room was rather spacious, a living area with a couch and a loveseat facing each other with a coffee table meeting the two in the middle, and a bookshelf.  There was a Queen sized bed in the back of the room, looking much like an afterthought, as though someone had recalled someone was to sleep there.  Next to the bed was a vanity with a mirror, and Rose supposed she was to pin up her hair there.  There was a table for two under the window on the far side of the room, a little vase of flowers the only garnish on it.  It made sense, then, to have a room so big, if they were to cram it all together.

 Rose touched John's arm as he set the luggage down.  "Hang on, are they bringing us our meals?"

John looked at her, a little startled.  "Yes, Rose, they are.  Wasn't that in the letter?"

Rose floundered for a moment, knowing that John was the only one who remembered the letter, since it didn’t exist.  "Right, yes."

"Don't look so flustered."  John laughed and cupped her cheek with one hand.  Rose tried not to flinch at the unfamiliar gesture.  "New life, like you said."

She sighed and forced a smile.  "New life," she agreed on a whisper.

John leaned down and pressed a kiss to Rose's lips.  Her breath hitched as she thought of the Doctor. Would he remember this?  Kissing her? She wanted to pull away to save face, to save their friendship.  However, she knew how important it was that she keep his trust, and so she kissed him back, her hands fisting his jacket, mostly to keep her upright.

It was chaste, and soft, and possibly the most gentle kiss she had ever received. It made her very body tremble.  He seemed to be afraid of breaking or frightening her. She wondered if he was always like this.

"Let's unpack," she said hastily when he pulled away, smoothing out his lapels.  She pulled their suitcases over to the wardrobe, which was situated next to the bed.  She swung open the wardrobe doors and opened the suitcases before starting to unpack their things. 

Without saying a word, John walked over to help her.  They worked in silence, and it was much like being with the Doctor, Rose thought, because they were able to be together without speaking, always had been.  It wasn’t necessarily in a relationship so close.  Rose only needed to gesture or point and John handed her exactly what she needed, and within the span of a half hour they had finished all of their unpacking, things hung and folded and pressed together.

Rose set her hands on her hips and looked at their mixed clothes in the wardrobe and folded on the shelf at the bottom of it.  "I like the way that looks," she said, before she could think about what she was saying.

John wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and set his chin on her shoulder.  "Me too," he murmured.  "Would you like to go to that library now?  I fancy us all settled in, don’t you?"

Rose smiled and nodded and though they had to ask the first person they came across, they made their way to the library.  Rose was a bit startled to see how many young boys were sitting quietly, reading.  She’d never seen so many kids so still.  Shaking it off, she realized that it would have to be that way, if they were going to get any schoolwork done.

She liked how John's face lit up the second they walked into the library, again, reminiscent of the Doctor.  She had to consciously reminding herself that John was not the Doctor, though they shared a body.  He chattered on and on under his breath about the literature, pulled her into row after row of books, asking her what she liked.  She simply laughed and asked him to pick for her.  She wanted to read what he liked.

He seemed quite chuffed to hear her say that, making her smile just a bit wider.  He picked out three books he said she would enjoy. 

“We could read together tonight, if you don’t want to turn in early.  I know how carriage journeys tire you.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and she giggled and shook her head.

“Yes, I’d like to,” she said, “After we eat, then.”

“The couch looks rather comfortable,” John said thoughtfully. “I was a bit afraid that they wouldn’t have anything that would fit the two of us in so nicely.”

She poked him in the ribs, “Can’t stand to be without me?”

His eyes were alight but gentle as he gazed back at her. “You know I can’t,” he scolded, shaking a finger at her.  She had to laugh, even as she blushed a little, and looked down at the books that he had chosen for her.

She flipped through them, gauging in her mind how long it would take for her to read them.  "These look wonderful," she said honestly.  She tucked them under her arm and helped John pick out a couple more books that he hadn't read yet.

"I've been looking for these for a couple years," he said enthusiastically.  “Dreadfully expensive, these.  Feel that, Rose,” he brought her hand to the book and ran it over the leather covering.  “That is, they say, the softest leather in England.”

“I believe it,” she agreed, watching as their fingers moved together over the engraved material there.  They spoke with the librarian shortly thereafter and took their books back up to their room, where a meal had already been set out for them.  Rose thought she could very much get used to this. It wasn’t exactly a pampering, but it really was a bit nice to come home and have your dinner all laid out for you.  

They sat down to eat, and Rose was surprised at how easy conversation came with John.  It was very different than speaking with the Doctor. This man was eloquent in a way that made for few extra words, like he knew exactly what he wanted to say and wasn’t afraid to say it.

Rose thought that the Doctor must have been afraid, because, even though she spoke openly with him, it was nothing like this.  A candle was lit on their table, and John told her that he thought she looked lovely in the candlelight.  She nearly wept with it.  It was all so different  Not good different or bad different... Just... Different.

"I much prefer your cooking," John said a little sheepishly after taking a bite of steamed vegetables.

"Do you, now?" Rose grinned.  She cooked  _ occasionally  _ on the TARDIS, and she wondered if he was remembering that, in some far, distant corner of his mind.  "Glad to hear it."

“You, what is it, you... Season them?  When you make vegetables, that is?” He asked, scrunching his nose up.

“S’probably just salt and butter, John,” she said softly, “Not a lot of work needs to be done.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Well, they could do with a bit of that here, don’t you think?”

She took a bite of the bland vegetables and nodded.  “Yea-  _ yes,  _ I guess you’re right on that,” she said, “The chicken is good.”

His shoulders sagged a little. “Maybe I should have insisted with live off campus, so you could do what you wanted, and you could be happy, and-”

She was shocked at his words, and so she cut them off. “John!” She cried. “I don’t know if you’ve thought of this, but we’re saving loads of money staying here, and it’s nice to… Um, have a break, I guess.  I  _ am  _ happy, because you’re doing what you’ve always wanted to do,” she faltered, “Right?”

He nodded, wanting to convince her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Rose.”

She reached out and took his hand, “You’d be right useless, I think.”

He laughed, and she tried to smile back and not think about how true her words had been. 


	4. Chapter 4

After dinner, John seemed more than content to sit on the couch with one arm around Rose and one holding his book open.  She was used to cuddling up to the Doctor on the couch in the library of the TARDIS, but he was cooler, and John was all the warmth of a human.  It was like cuddling a personal heater, and she couldn’t help but kick her boots off and press up against him. 

He had taken off his jacket and unbuttoned his vest. The tie had been loosened at some point too, and he looked rather fit, all rumpled as he was.  He had thrown himself down on the couch and picked up his book, looking at her expectantly.  She had been pulled in, almost as if by gravity, and sat down on the couch next to him.

Rose had a book of her own, and she leaned against John's shoulder, her elbow on his thigh, and both hands supporting her book.  She thought she wouldn't be able to concentrate on the words on the page at all, but the familiar position allowed her to focus.  The heat of his hand running up and down her shoulder was the only hinderance to her reading.

She wasn't sure why this persona of John Smith was so affectionate, even though his mind set them as married.  There were a lot of couples that were married but not affectionate.  She couldn't understand his need to always be touching her.  She and the Doctor had always been very tactile with one another, but this was something completely different.  This was something gentle and loving and deliberate, not as erratic and aggressive and flighty, like the Doctor was.

However, she was glad to see that John was up for hand holding.

That was how they spent the entire evening.  Reading together and cuddled up, and every once in a while John would lean his head against hers or press his lips to the top of her head.  She didn't want to warm up to John, because she knew he'd be gone before she could blink, but even as their first evening wore on, she couldn't stop herself from growing attached. 

He was so tender, all his touches soft, but not tentative.  It was filled with assurance, like he knew his hand belonged on her shoulder, his lips had a place on the crown of her head.  It was a lot to take in, loads of affection placed in just the right places at just the right times.  He seemed to know everything about her, every reaction that she would have.  

The only thing that managed to move her from John's side was the sound of knocking at the door. 

"I'll get it," she said, setting her book on the couch and walking to the door.  He made a distinctly annoyed noise. 

“Couldn’t they come tomorrow?” He asked, straightening himself and buttoning up his vest again.  

She smiled apologetically.  “Sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to get the door.”

He rolled his eyes and got to his feet.  He clasped his hands behind his back. “Fine.”

Claudia stood outside the door, smiling warmly at Rose when she opened the door.  "Hello," she said brightly.  "Wanted to make sure you were settling in alright before I turned in for the evening."

"Oh, we're just doing a bit of reading," Rose replied.  She was making a conscious effort to sound proper and it was nearly killing her. It was hard to not tell her to sod off so she could get some rest.  Instead, she had to pretend to be happy that this woman was checking in on them. "We're very settled, thank you."

“Yes, very much,”  John smiled. “Thank you for coming in, but we’re doing quite well.”

"I'm glad to hear it," Claudia nodded to the both of them.  "If you need anything at all, I'm at the end of the hall."

"Thank you, we'll keep that in mind," Rose said.  "Goodnight, Ms. Lehra."

"Goodnight, Mrs. Smith,” she nodded to John, “Mr. Smith.”

He nodded to her and smiled a little.  Rose shut the door and returned to John's side as he sat down.  She sat next to him, putting herself right up against him again, where she was already quite comfortable.  "She just wanted to know if we were settling in okay." She guessed that John was not a fan of long, meaningless conversations, as he had made it very clear that Claudia was not to stay.

"She's a nice woman," John mused, sounding a bit bored, flipping a page in his book before resting his arm around Rose’s shoulders again.

"She is," Rose agreed, settling in.  He hummed happily and his arm fell from her shoulders to around her waist, just about curling into her waist through her dress.  

He leaned his head against hers, looking at his book. “She’s very nice, but I  _ was  _ quite comfortable.”

“Well, aren’t you comfortable again?”  She retorted, pushing her shoulder back against him.

“ _ Yes,  _ but that’s not the point,” he said.  “She was interrupting.  Don’t you think?” He kissed her temple and cuddled closer to her.  She laughed and  tried not to let her heart lurch.

”I guess so,” she admitted before looking over at the clock on their mantle.  "It's getting late, John, I think I'll turn in."

"Alright," he glanced down at her, sounding a little disappointed.  She hoped she wasn’t offending him too much.  He brushed some of her hair back, as it had started to come loose.  "I'll join you in a few moments."

Rose smiled and stood before walking over to the wardrobe.  She looked through the drawers at the bottom of it until she found a long white nightdress.  She glanced over to see that John wasn't looking at her and changed as quickly as humanly possible.  She supposed it wouldn’t matter if he did look, after all, because they were married, but they weren’t  _ really  _ married, so he shouldn’t be looking, but… Oh, this was becoming increasingly difficult to think about.  

She didn't know if John had been built in with a preference as to which side of the bed he slept on, so she figured she'd just guess and he'd tell her if he wanted her to move.  Even then, he'd probably be too polite to tell her to move, or he would bodily lift her and- well, best to stop thinking thoughts like that right about now.  She smoothed down the skirts and wrinkled her nose at it. It really was an ugly thing, really, but what was she going to do about it? She reminded herself that she wasn’t supposed to want to look nice, especially not for John, because that wasn’t  _ allowed,  _ but she was thinking about it anyway.

She walked past John to draw the curtains shut over the table, trying not to draw attention to herself, but John pushed his glasses up as he looked at her, smiling softly.  "You look lovely," he said quietly.

She looked over at him, surprised.  Sputtering a little, she blushed and looked down at herself. "I'm just wearin' a nightdress, John."

He shrugged.  "You still look lovely in it."

She smiled at him and he stood up.  “I don’t think I can thank you enough for coming with me,” he said softly.

“Why would I not come with you?” Rose asked, furrowing her brows. 

He breathed out a ragged sigh and ran a hand through her now loose hair.  His hand settled at the base of her neck. “Some women wouldn’t want to move their whole lives for their husbands, Rose.”

“Well… They’re not really loyal to their husbands, then, are they?”

He smiled and leaned down slowly.  She tilted her chin up, unable to refuse him,  _ completely  _ unable.  She met his mouth just as he kissed her, and for some reason, he whimpered the moment they met.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and his fell around her waist, and she let him pull her closer, knowing that she shouldn’t let him.  Slowly, she disengaged from his mouth, hoping he wasn’t looking for more.  She gave him one last, chaste kiss and stroked her thumb over his cheek. “I really am tired,” she whispered, hoping to look and sound apologetic.

He smiled at her and she realized that he wasn’t angry with her. He kissed her forehead and pulled back from her. “Well, and you’re still lovely.”

She smiled at him and walked back to the bed, feeling warm from his kisses and the compliment.  She crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to her neck and facing the wall.  She shut her eyes and tried valiantly to fall asleep, but all she could think about was the fact that John was going to be crawling into bed behind her.

It was about ten minutes later when she heard John's book smack shut and he started to rustle around in the wardrobe.  She noted that he was trying to be quiet, probably because he thought she was sleeping.  Well, the joke was on him, because her body was buzzing with energy and warmth.

Either she had guessed correctly about bedsides or John just really didn't care, because he crawled into bed right behind her.  He hesitated for just a moment, probably because of her earlier refusal, before putting his arm around her waist and pulling her up against him.  His breathing was steady on her neck, but she had this odd feeling that he wanted to talk to her.  She closed her hand over his to let him know she was awake.

"Do you think you'll be happy here?" John whispered.

"Yes," Rose replied, turning her head to look at him.  "You  don’t have to be so worried.  Why would you ask that?"

He leaned forward and pressed his face into the crook of her neck, and she leaned back against the pillows and his chest.  He hesitated for a moment before saying "I just want you to be happy, Rose, and I'm afraid you'll be bored here.  None of your friends are here, and you have to walk to town."

"I'm sure I'll find something to do," Rose laughed.  "I _ can _ go on walks or go to town, that sort of thing.  And I’m quite friendly, I’m sure I’ll make friends.  Don't you worry about me."

"It's literally my job to worry about you," John said bluntly.  “You are my wife.”

She laughed and shivered a little.  "Alright, then."

He pulled her closer to him, thoroughly tangling their legs together, and she tried not to enjoy his contact as much as she was.  He kissed the side of her neck and settled in, sighing gently.  She smiled a little at his actions.

"Goodnight, Rose."  He wound his arms tighter around her waist, and she was sure the one pinned under her would be numb in the morning.  The other lay right in the curve of her waist, his hand on her middle.  She couldn’t bring herself to move closer to him than this.

"Goodnight."  She hoped her voice wasn’t as tight as her body felt.  She felt like she was coiled up, about to snap, but she never did.  It was just an endless stream of tension, holding onto her with a desperation that she hadn’t been aware of before.

What would he do, if she got up to go take a few steady breaths?  Probably be the most dejected man in the universe, she supposed.  It didn’t take much to hurt a bloke’s ego, and that would hurt.  And she didn’t want to scare him off, she needed to take care of him, make sure he didn’t hurt himself.

His next words brought her out of her thoughts and broke her heart all in one motion, destroying her without even trying.  

"...I love you."

It was almost a shock to to her system, hearing him say that.  She paused, then closed her eyes and breathed a light sigh, reveling in those words in the Doctor's voice.  Words he would never say.  Words he  _ couldn’t,  _ because he could never love her like that, of course.

But as well as keeping her role, she had to be honest with herself.  If she didn’t respond, he would be upset, because no wife would just be quiet when their husband said they loved them.  So she had to tell him. She stroked her hand over his where it rested on her middle and laced their fingers together.  She squeezed her eyes shut and let herself say it, her heart pounding a little harder.  The warmth and love in her tone shocked even her.

"I love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

Rose awoke slowly, swimming up to consciousness with her nose pressed against John's warm chest, her hands curled up under her chin.  He had his arms wrapped very securely around her, was clearly loving on her, even in sleep.  His leg was shoved between hers and she was curled around him in a way that could only be described as intimate.  She couldn’t fight back a happy sigh as she nuzzled against his shirt.f  After a moment of focusing, she could feel his nose pressed into her hair, and his breath puffed steadily across her scalp.

She was already having to fight the feelings that were arising for John, but she couldn't help but wonder if they were real or if they were brought on because John wore the Doctor's face?  And would she be angry when the Doctor came back and wasn't constantly kissing or cuddling up to her?  They’d cuddled, the Doctor and her, but never like this. The most she got from him was  a kiss on the forehead or an exuberant hug.

No, she decided, she couldn't hate him for that.  It certainly wasn't his fault that John turned out this way, he didn't program him.  But still, even for a bit, it was nice to feel that sort of love with emotional and physical actions... As well as the words themselves.  It had been a long time since someone had given her those words, and a long time since she had meant them when she said them back.  Among other things, Rose was aware that the Doctor would never give her those words.

But he couldn't, could he?  She didn't know why, she only knew that it was true.  He played by his own rules and she was never let in on them.  So now, it might be best to embrace the fact that for now, there was a man who was here, and willing to love her.  But then again, how could she do that to the Doctor?

As she warred with herself, John stirred and breathed in sharply through his nose, and she knew he was awake.  "Good morning," he murmured against her hair.

"Morning." She replied, smiling as he got closer to her.

"Have they brought breakfast?" He asked.

She peered up over his shoulder to look at the table.  The had indeed.  The idea of people walking into their room whenever they wanted to slightly unnerved her.  "Yeah," she said, "Don't much like the thought of them coming in here, without us knowing, though."  For the first time since they’d entered this rum, she thought of the family. Could they just come in?  Why couldn’t they just leave the food outside the door and they could come get it when they awoke?  The thought made her terribly uncomfortable.  The Family could come in right under their nose  _ while they slept,  _ and she would never know.  She put her head back down and squeezed her eyes shut.

John grunted in agreement.  "Can't say I blame you." 

He sounded thoughtful, and Rose picked up on that with her innate sense of the Doctor.  After all, these two weren't so different, were they?  She could tell how the Doctor was feeling, that was, when he didn’t throw down his walls and shut her out from him.  "What's wrong?" She asked, slowly reaching around to his waist to stroke over the material of his pajamas.  He hummed and shifted against her in a way that might have been suggestive, but she wasn’t about to  _ ask  _ him about it.

"Nothing," John replied, trying to sound reassuring, "I'm thinking about the dream I had last night, it was... Odd."

"Care to share with the class?" She teased, and instantly hoped that she hadn’t said anything too far out of character.  

He hesitated, "You'd think I'm mad, Rose."

"Wonderfully mad, I'm willing to bet."  She told him, knowing just how much a man liked to have his ego stroked when he wasn’t feeling quite right.  She didn’t think that John would be any different.

He pulled away from her a bit to look down into her face.  "Alright.  You make a convincing argument.  I'll tell you over our breakfast, then."

She smiled up at him and his returned smile so soft.  He cupped her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her forehead softly.  He was so bloody  _ gentle  _ with her that she just wanted to hug him forever.  She also wanted to lay in bed forever, but she knew the values of the nineteen hundreds would dictate that she get up and get ready.  

Before she could convince herself that she could just lay around all day, she slowly pulled away from him and rolled out of bed, getting to her feet.  She heard him make a grunt of disappointment and she felt her heart drop.  How could she keep away from him physical advances for three months before the Family died? Would she even  _ want _ to?  

She smiled at him over her shoulder. “Well, we can’t laze about all day, John, and you’re to tell me about that dream you had.” She winked at him. “I’m really very interested.”

“You know, I’ve decided I don’t want you to go into town,” John said, “Not unless you wear loads and loads of wedding rings.”

“Wait, where  _ is  _ my wedding ring?” She patted herself down, pretending to be confused.  Of course, he would have to think that she was actually worried about the whereabouts of her nonexistent ring.

“I have it,” he said calmly.  “We decided not to travel with them on, remember? Just in case.” He got out of bed, and shuffled over to the wardrobe. He took out the money pouch that sat inside, on top of his trousers, and took out three rings.  Two of them were clearly hers, delicate and gold, one with a little diamond in it.  They were plain and practical, although Rose was a bit worried that the people would think they were rich. How would a teacher afford rings like that?

He approached her with the rings and she held her left hand out to him. He took it in his, and slid the rings reverently onto her finger.  He brushed a kiss to her knuckles and smiled down at her. She grinned, trying to get used to the foreign feeling of the metal against her skin.  She used to wear loads of rings, why was this any different?  He put his own ring on own finger.  

“It felt a bit wrong, not wearing it,” he said, like a confession.  He smiled at her and went back to the wardrobe.  “What tie should I wear, dear?”

Oh. This man… This man  _ adored  _ her.  He really, properly adored her.  She could say it in the way he looked at her, or touched her every chance he got.  She cleared her throat and tried to distract herself.  She went over and picked out a grey tie for the black wool suit that he’d picked out.  Distracted by her thoughts, she ran her hand through his hair before sifting through her own gowns and he hummed happily.

She picked out a grey dress, not drab, but a bit shiny, like wearing her money, money she didn’t have.  It matched the tie he was going to put on perfectly, and she pulled out the petticoats, underthings, and shoes to go with it.  

 So they set about changing, and lucky for her honor and sanity, John turned away while she dressed, and she did likewise for him, though they still chatted as they put their clothes on.  The conversation with him was easy, and his voice was still a little rough from sleep. 

She inwardly groaned when she realized that she was going to have to have him come and button up her dress.  She wasn’t corseted in, but she did have a garment on that held her in.  “John?”

“Yes, love?”

She closed her eyes against his words.  “Can you button me in?”

“Of course.” His fingers were delicate, and even though they had just been in bed together not ten minutes before, he didn’t really touch her skin. 

The sleeves of the gown only came down to her elbows and had lace along the edges.  It would be dreadfully hot, but not as hot as it could have been much worse, she supposed.  Now, though, there was the matter of her hair. Luckily, the TARDIS had helped her enough with that when she had first done it yesterday that she did it quite well, even if she had to do it twice.

They sat down to a breakfast of some sort of porridge and bowls of fruit, and right after John set his napkin in his lap and insisted they pray, which threw Rose for one of the biggest loops of her life, and he said "Right then.  My dream."

Rose smiled at him in encouragement, wanting him to go on.

He smiled back at her, and nodded, almost to himself.  "I wasn't me, Rose.  I was this man, this horribly frightening man... Alien.  He had... Two hearts."

Rose tried desperately not to cough up what she was chewing.  How did he know about the Doctor?  She rubbed the back of her neck, her fingers tangling in the flyaways at the nape.  "Go on," she said, forcing herself to remain casual, though her heart was thumping against her chest wildly.

"Sometimes I wear different faces, haven't figured that out just yet, and we travel around in a blue box marked 'police' that's bigger on the inside.  But you're there, Rose, but we're not married, and you're dressed very scandalously," he sent her a wolfish grin that was so unlike him that it made her laugh despite her uneasy feeling. 

"Why aren't we married?"  She asked him, trying to be offended.

"It would seem as though it's because I can't get up the courage, because the love is clearly there," John said insistently, reaching across the table and taking her hand, halting her eating for a few moments.  He squeezed it and pulled back.  "I call myself the Doctor, don't know why though, I am hardly a physician."

Rose smiled, more at his first phrase then the second.  She only wished that it were true.  He was reading into something that wasn’t there, and she knew that because it was something she did every day.

"And, Rose, this is the maddest part," John leaned forwards on the table, his eyes bright with excitement.  "We fight aliens."

Rose raised her eyebrows.  "Aliens?" she whispered back.  “Tell me.”

He nodded.  "But not the kind you'd expect them to look like... No, odd things... These monsters that look like salt shakers, something called the Ood, oh, a funny lot, them..." he paused.  "I should write all this down."

"You should," Rose agreed.  "Don't want you forgetting any of this."

"Really?"  He looked surprised, and a little happy.

"Yes, I think it's brilliant, and I think you should tell me every time there's a new dream," Rose smiled.  She loved seeing his excitement when she told him that, and so she shot right up from the table and found a lovely blue notebook in the drawer of the desk.  How appropriate.

“So you don’t think I’m mad?” He asked her as he took the book.  She shook her head wildly.  

“No, I don’t think you’re mad.”

He nodded and prepared himself before he started to scribble and sketch furiously, chatting all the while, his breakfast forgotten, and she moved her chair to his side so she could rest her chin on his shoulder and watch him.

His pen strokes were like magic, and she marveled at how he captured the Slitheen and Daleks and Cybermen with such ease.  She was nearly alarmed at how easily he sketched her face without looking at her. 

He wrote furiously, sometimes right over the drawings, the Doctor's usual chicken scratch, ironically, and she was so enthralled with his speech that she could only occasionally nod against his shoulder. 

"You've got a very creative mind, John," she marveled when he had started to taper off his ramblings.  Of course, it was all things she had heard or seen before, but she couldn’t let him know that.

"You've made me so, my love," he turned and pressed a kiss her her cheekbone, and she smiled, a blush coloring her face.

"I like that I'm in your dreams," she admitted quietly.  Even in this way, the Doctor hadn’t forgotten her. 

"I do too." He said, grinning like a loon.

She cleared her throat and stood, breaking the tension.  "So, shall we go into town today?  You start teaching tomorrow after all, right.  Do you need to get any books?"

"Yes," John said, standing as she did.  "You sure you'd like to come with me?"

"Positive!" Rose beamed.  "Let's get out of this room."


	6. Chapter 6

The Doctor often held doors open for Rose, so that bit wasn’t too odd.  What  _ was  _ odd, or rather, just something they didn’t do often, was the feeling of her arm linked through his instead of her fingers interlinked with his.  She didn’t know if it was inappropriate, or if maybe John just preferred it this way.  Either way, it was odd when she reached her hand out for his and he crooked his elbow out to her instead.  She smiled tightly and settled her arm in.  At the very least, it was almost a mark of ownership.

John and Rose walked to town, it was only two miles and it wasn't like they had anywhere else to go, so they went on, her arm in his.  They kept up conversation the whole way, and John said he'd buy her anything she wanted.  She blushed a little and patted his arm with her free hand.  She looked up at him. 

“John, you don’t need to buy me anything,” she told him, her voice soft.  It reminded her of being in a marketplace, and the Doctor handing her a credit stick and telling her to go off and find something that she liked.  This was more out of affection though, then ‘getting the pesky human out of his hair.’ Or, at the very least, that was how it felt sometimes. Like she was a mere hindrance.  

He simply beamed at her in response to her words.  “I want to, my dear.”

She didn't know what to do, what she could've possibly done in his own head that was so wonderful that he loved her this much.  His magnificent mind had obviously pulled something up, made something out of nothing to make him adore her so.  She wanted to know what it was and tried to think about a perfect way to ask without seeming like she didn’t know.  After racking her brain for what felt to be a long while, and they were walking through the first shop, she said quietly, "What did I do to deserve you?  And I'm not just saying it, I honestly want to know what I did."

John looked at her, a little shocked.  He tripped over his feet a little, like he would never expect a word like that from her.  "What do you mean, what did you do?"

"What did I do that made you pick me?" She asked, more sheepishly this time.  "You're...  Obviously there were... Other women, interested in you.  I mean… You’re a bit perfect, John."  She admitted shyly, hoping to draw something out of him, whether it was pride-based or not.  She wanted it all, craved his false reasons for loving her because she  _ wanted reasons.   _ Reasons she could never get from the Doctor, but reasons she could get from the Doctor’s lips.

He grinned at her and pulled her down another aisle of lovely clothes.  "You think too much of me. I'm not some magical man who can just charm anyone."

She smiled sadly.  "Oh, aren't you, though?"

“No!” He said, “Rose Tyler, the moment I set eyes on you, I knew I had to have you.”  He kissed her temple and she smiled, hoping he wouldn’t leave it at that, but of course, he did.  What a cryptic man.

They walked to a little shop that help mostly clothing, and Rose insisted that he look at things before she did.

“After all,” she said carefully, “More people will be seeing you than seeing me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want you dressing up for anyone else,” he teased.  

She forced herself to smile back at him, “I think I’ll have to worry about people  _ looking  _ at you,” she said with emphasis.

He raised his eyebrows at her, “That is the second time you have said something like that,” he said curiously, “Don’t you trust me?”

She crooked her finger at him and made him lean down towards her. She settled her mouth next to his ear and whispered, “It’s the women I don’t trust.”

He shivered and pulled back from her.  “You are going to force me to embarrass myself in public,” he scolded her lightly, threading her arm through his.

“Well, you’ll just have to behave yourself,” she teased.

“You make that very difficult.”

She helped him as he sifted through several dress shirts that looked to her very appropriate for teaching.  She leaned her cheek against his shoulder.  "You should get one," she said quietly before he could say anything else.  She pulled a cream colored one off the rack and held it up against him.  "Oh, yes.  Do you like this one?"

He eyed it for a moment, looking approving.  "Very professional," he agreed.  "Excellent eye!"

They purchased the shirt and left, Rose taking John's arm again as they headed off.

Every second Rose wasn't talking with John she thought of the Doctor.  All she could think was how odd it was, her Doctor in this man's body.  In the body of a man who seemed to love her very much.

When John was talking, he was so like the Doctor that sometimes it was hard to remember that they weren’t just larking about, playing characters. They’d done that before, of course, played the role, forced themselves to blend in.  Not this time, though.  No.  This time, the Doctor wasn’t even here, not really.  And she couldn’t really pretend that he was.

"You were asking why you," he said quietly, so quietly it startled her thoughts just enough for her to look at him and jump a little.

"Sorry, lost in thought, what?" She rushed out, wanting him to continue.  

"You were asking... Why you," he repeated patiently, not angry with her, just considering.  "I think I've figured it out."

"Okay, share with me, then?" She said, bumping her shoulder to his playfully as they strolled along the street.  They didn't seem to pull into any more shops. Rose never saw anything that caught her eye and John never seemed to want to go anywhere.  It seemed that John was very satisfied to just walk with her and have her at his side.

He shot her a grin.  "You showed me a lot.  When I was young, and knew nothing.  When we met, I was very confused.  I didn't know who I was, and all that.  We started talking, I'm sure you remember  _ that  _ dinner party, but we really hit it off.  You challenged me, and no one's ever really done that and I...  I liked it.  It was only at your suggestion that I started teaching." 

“Tell me about that dinner party,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder again, hoping that she sounded like she was familiar with it.  

He chuckled.  “Your mother, my love, was not very keen on me.  But we met at a lovely man’s dinner party, can’t say I remember his name… And since your mother didn’t want you talking to me, you took things into your own hands and tugged me into the library. I remember  _ very clearly  _ you grabbing my shoulder and telling me that we were going to dance.”

She laughed at the way he had twisted the memory of their first dance.  “I think you’re a brilliant dancer,” she gushed.

“Not at all!” He protested. “Two left feet until you showed me how it was done.”

“And you didn’t once think of another option?” She asked.

“Blimey, what’s gotten into you?” he asked, “No, there was no other option, or if there was, I certainly wasn’t looking for it.  I saw the fire in your eyes and the power of a woman who knows exactly what she wants in your very  _ bones.   _ You told me what you thought and let me know that you thought I should start teaching.  It was I who had been putting it off,” he squeezed her a little tighter. “And now here we are.”

"Have I really impacted you that much?"  Rose furrowed her brows.  "I don't want you to think you have to do things because of me."

He stroked up her arm with one hand.  "You're my muse, Rose.  Take it at that."

"Well, that means a lot," she said quietly, not wanting him to think she wasn’t grateful, and she felt suddenly touched.  "Thank you."

"Basically, I should be thanking you.  For letting me have you."

“Forever,” she whispered, almost to herself.  She felt his warm lips press to her head and she almost had to keep herself from letting her eyes flutter closed.

She smiled and they continued walking on.  They stopped into a local pub for tea, and Rose told John she found the heavy food very comforting, but couldn't eat like that all the time.  He agreed and said he quite liked what they were being served at their lodging.

The rest of their day was so utterly relaxing and so devoid of threats that it made Rose completely uneasy.  Every little sound had her jerking around, twisting to look over hers or John's shoulders.  And of course, John caught on, having the Doctor’s attuned senses (at least to her) as he did.

"You're rather unnerved, Rose, are you alright?" John asked on the way back to the school, their feet crunching along merrily on the gravel.

"Yes, I'm fine," Rose said, returning her gaze from the road behind them to him.  "New place I guess, don't know how the people are."

"They seem very kind," John mused.

"They do," Rose said slowly, "But one can never be too careful."  She tried to say it as a warning, but he merely hummed a little, and so she thought maybe he didn’t get the message.

She knew she had to keep an eye out for the Family.  They could be anywhere, she knew that, and could they smell the watch in her pocket?  Well, that would defeat the purpose of all of this, wouldn't it?  But, then again, no one had told her what she should do with the watch, the Doctor had just told her to keep it safe, which was incredibly vague and just like him to do so.

Back on the way to their room they said rushed 'hellos' and 'ah, yes we're just fine, we went out for the day' and 'yes, John's ready to begin teaching tomorrow' and 'yes, you have a nice night too.'

"We were out all day," John said in surprise, looking out the window at the sun setting  "I didn't even notice."

"Me neither," Rose said honestly.  She shifted from foot to foot, wondering if she could offer up what she wanted.  Of course, they were married, so it was acceptable, but she still felt like a schoolgirl about to ask someone to a dance.  "Want to read for a bit before we turn in?"

John nodded, his face showing his excitement.  "The one I'm reading is rather grand, Rose, could I read it to you? Well, I mean, if you don’t want to, you can read yours, but I thought-"

She smiled.  "Sure, I'd like that."

Tonight was a bit different, since both of them were already so tired.  John tucked himself away on the far corner of the couch and Rose sat up against him, her legs braced up on the side of the couch, her boots kicked off.  She was squeezed up against him and rather enjoyed the warm, soft feeling she was getting from cuddling him.  John read to her animatedly for about two hours before both of them were completely worn out and Rose was trying not to doze off on his shoulder.  He dropped the book in his own lap about three times before breathing out a sigh of resignation and nuzzling his nose against her hair.

Without saying anything, both of them seemed to decide it was time for bed, and John closed the book when he reached the end of the chapter.

"’S a good book," she said wearily, standing and walking over to the wardrobe.  Unlike last night, he followed behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist to reach around her.  He kissed her neck before reaching all the way around her to grab a set of jimjams (She'd make a note not to call them that) and disappearing to change into them. 

She smiled to herself and changed into her own pajamas, still quickly, but notably not as quickly as the night before.  She found that she didn’t mind if he looked.  She didn’t mind if he stared at her or got too close or touched her.  In fact, she tempted it, wanting him to do so.

When John emerged from wherever he had been changing, Rose was sitting on the bed, brushing her hair.  He smiled and walked over to her, pulling her into a hug that was terribly intimate.  It would certainly never be allowed outside of their little room. 

"Goodnight, my Rose," he murmured against her neck, his mouth moving along her skin in a way that made her shiver.  How was she going to survive these three months without bursting into flames?.

She smiled and kissed his cheek as they separated.  He ducked back in to kiss her full on the mouth, his hands coming up to cup her face.  Without thinking, she clenched her hands into the fabric at his sides.  He nearly devoured her with love, and she responded with so much of her own, though she knew it was misplaced. His hands moved from her face to splay along her back, covering much untouched terrain.  She made a sound of approval as he pushed her back but almost immediately tried to gentle the kiss.  They couldn’t do this.  The Doctor would never forgiver her.  She traced her fingers along his jawbone, pulling the kiss into her memory to keep safe and tucked away forever.

They pulled away after several seconds, and though it was clear John didn't necessarily wanted to stop, he seemed to sense and respect the fact that she was very tired, and kissed her forehead before rounding to the other side of the bed.  She felt a bit dazed, almost wishing he would push her farther so she would have an excuse.  She shook her head. 

“Coming to bed?” John said smugly.

“Oi, you think you’re something else, don’t you?” 

“Apparently, I am.”

_ You think you’re so impressive. _

_ I am so impressive! _

Luckily, even with her memories latching onto her, his words had snapped her out of whatever daydream she had plummeted into of giving in and tackling him to the bed.  She ran a hand through her now loose hair and climbed in on her side of the bed. She lay on her side, looking at him carefully. 

“Are you nervous?” She whispered after he turned the light off.

“A bit,” he said softly, “Never know what kids are going to do.”  He reached out and settled his hand on her hip, running his thumb over the swell of the bone. 

She wondered how long they had been married, in his mind.  It seemed he was hungry to touch her whenever they were alone, since they weren’t allowed to in public.  He tugged her a little closer, and she scooted towards him, so they were almost sharing a pillow. 

“You’ll be brilliant,” she tried to reassure him, tugging the covers up to their shoulders.  

“Thank you, love,” he said, and cuddled up to her, wrapping his arm tight around her.  She tucked her head under his chin, hearing his single heart thump against her forehead.  Where was the other one? Was it still in there, just silenced?  Or was it shriveled up and hidden away until he would need it again?

Unable to help herself, she kissed his chest where she knew his other heart was.  He hummed happily and pressed his nose to her hair.  

She fell asleep, sinking into John’s arms even further, and yet, alarmed with how at ease she was feeling.


	7. Chapter 7

When Rose woke up the next morning, John was already gone, and she grumbled to herself, having already gotten used to cuddling up to him in the morning.  She shook herself.  No, that was terribly inappropriate.  She shouldn’t already be  _ used  _ to that.  But it had been so long, even if she and the Doctor had shared a bed on occasion, this was  _ normal.   _ Forehead kisses (and some spectacular  _ kisses) _ before cuddling up together, going to bed.  She’d never wanted a normal life like that, but then again… That life had never been presented with the Doctor.  From the moment she had met him she had sort of known she’d never go back. 

She’d written off marriage as an impossibility, telling herself it wasn’t going to happen and it would do her well to remember that.  But now… With the marriage many women want, with an adoring, ambitious husband… With the  _ Doctor,  _ so to speak anyway, it was very difficult to think about turning it down.  Not that the real Doctor would be up to it once he returned after the Family was gone.  No, it was John here now.  John who had left her alone in a cold bed, she thought glumly.

But, of course, she couldn’t blame him for leaving early.  She remembered that today he started down at the school and she had probably slept in.  That wouldn’t be terribly unusual.  She looked over at her end table and any bitter feelings towards John fled when she saw a little note on it.

_ My dearest Rose, _

_ I left a touch early to prepare my curriculum, I'm sorry I'm not there to have breakfast with you.  The school nurse called this morning and asked if you would help her roll bandages whenever you were ready.  There's no rush, it is just a job she was needing help with.  I believe she also feels bad that you don’t have anything to do just now. _

_ I love you, _

_ John _

She wanted to be upset; upset that he left her in a cold bed, but she couldn't be.  She wanted to hate him for it, so she could hate him, but instead she missed him and wanted to be with him. All around, it made her very uncomfortable. She should hate him, because of what he represented.  That he represented the empty shell of the Doctor.  She placed her hands over her eyes.

If John wasn’t so  _ sweet,  _ it wouldn’t have been a problem.  She could hate him all she wanted, then.  But he was so kind and gentle and- it wouldn’t do any good to dwell on that.

Wondering what the Doctor would think of her infatuation, she rolled out of bed and started to get changed, glancing over at the breakfast for one on the table.  John had already eaten, his bowl stacked on his plate and the silverware set neatly in the bowl.

She smiled at the neatness of it, a direct contrast to the Doctor's 'organized chaos' as he called it, but Rose knew better: it was just complete chaos.  And she absolutely loved it.

She sat down and ate, continuing to read the book that she hadn't been reading the night before with John.  The silence and her aloneness were deafening, and she tried to bury that in the book.  The fact that there was no chatter around them was almost unnerving, and she started to think about if the Family was around, watching their every move, observing John’s class.

She shivered.  Best not to think about it.

After she had finished eating, she decided she should probably head down to the school's nurse to help her.  Unfortunately, she didn't know where the school nurse was, or where to find her, so she headed down the hall and knocked on Claudia's door, a little embarrassed.

"Oh, good morning, Mrs. Smith," Claudia beamed at her, patting the side of her hairdo, as though she had just completed it.  She laced her hands together in front of her.  "Did you need something?"

"Um, yes, the school nurse needed my help.  I was wondering where I could find her?" She could only pray she formulated all that correctly, and didn't sound too modern.

"Absolutely," Claudia nodded.  She pointed to the stairs.  "Down the stairs, there's a whole hall of classrooms.  Pass all of them, and go to the door on the left at the end."

Rose nodded her understanding.  "Thank you.  Have a nice day."

"And you, Mrs. Smith," she smiled and turned away from Rose.

Rose headed down the stairs and followed the rest of Claudia's instructions, almost praying she wouldn't run into John. She’d never be able to move away from him if he started talking to her. Instead of John, however, she ran into a couple stray teenage boys. 

The older one gaped at her after he bumped into her.  "Mr. Smith's wife," he let out a low whistle.  "Ravishing."

Rose furrowed her brow at the boy, turning on him in a motion that started him.  "I hardly think that's appropriate for someone of your age to be saying.”

“Oh,” the boy had clearly not expected Rose to fight back. “Um… Sorry, ma’am, I’m make sure-”

“Are you one of my husband's students?” She asked, not taking the apology. She crossed her arms.  

“Well… Yeah, we are,” the boy shifted. The other one, who still hadn’t spoken, was very uncomfortable, shifting on his feet.

Rose lifted her chin.  “Good.  Then he will be pleased to know that this is the sort of thing that his students get up to.  Objectifying his  _ wife.” _

“No! I wasn’t, I mean-” the boy blushed and stammered furiously.

“I’m sure my husband will speak to you about it tomorrow.”  She said confidently, dropping her arms and nodding at him.

The boy stared at Rose, shocked, and didn’t say anything else.  She didn’t back down from him, staring at him until he blinked.   

"Come on, Lucas, let's go," a younger boy he was with said nervously, tugging on Lucas's arm and pulling him away from Rose. 

"Lucas," she muttered under her breath, determined to remember the name.  She wasn’t bluffing   _ Someone  _ would hear about this.

She couldn’t remember hearing about any stories where boys were crude in the nineteen  hundreds, but she supposed the odd one out existed in any time or place.  She wouldn’t admit that she was on edge a little after that, but she felt her skin crawl at the idea of that boy speaking to her that way.  He wasn’t  _ that _ much younger, she wasn’t very old.  She chewed her bottom lip.  Didn’t people get married younger here?  She couldn’t remember.  Was someone going to look down on her and the Doctor because they didn’t have a child?  She felt her breath hitch, nerves catching up to her.  She didn't know what she would say.  The obvious answer would be to lie and say she couldn’t have children, but what would John say about it?  His insight was completely different from hers.  

After several long moments of confusing self reflection, she finished her short trip and found the nurse's office.  Her heart settled down as she reigned her mind back in, trying not to think about what had happened.  It wouldn’t do her any good to think about something that might not even happen.  She looked around, seeing no one else in the hallway and furrowing her brows.  That was odd, wasn’t it?  Unless literally every other class was in session.  Was that possible?

“You’re being ridiculous,” she muttered to herself. She was just anxious because of the situation, that was all, she’d figure it out,  And if she didn’t, maybe anything she didn't know, John would sweep in and answer.  She shook herself before knocking gently on the door.

A young woman with dark blonde hair and honestly a very plain (but lovely) face opened the door.  She smiled kindly at Rose.  "Hello, I'm the school nurse.  Did you need something?"

"Yes, I'm Rose... Smith, and you needed me?" 

"Oh, you're Rose!  Excellent, come on in!" The woman beamed and led her inside the rather spacious nurse's office.  There was no sterile smell that usually came from a nurse’s office in her time, and Rose wondered if it was completely safe.  She brought round a basket of unrolled bandages and gestured for Rose to sit.  "I'm Joan Redfern.  Sorry for not saying before."  She handed Rose the basket.  "I've got several errands to run around the school, and I need these bandages rolled.  Can you do that?"

"Yes, I'm sure of it."  Rose nodded.  "Go do what you need to."

"You can leave when you're finished, if you'd like," Joan said, "Or you could stick around, it doesn't matter.  I’m not sure I have any other work for you to do.  I’ve never had any help...  I'll be back as soon as I can."  She seemed very flustered and started to rush around, gathering things.  "By the way!” She said, pointing to get Rose’s attention and grinning, “Your husband is a very nice man."

Rose bristled a bit at the mention of a pretty young woman talking about her husband.  How  _ dare  _ she? Was she going to flirt with him?  Was she going to try to  _ pull  _ him? No, she was not going to let that happen.  For the time that they spent here, the Doctor belonged to  _ Rose  _ and nobody else.  Against her better judgement, Rose was two seconds away from balling up her fists and swinging when- 

Wait.

Her fake husband. She was worried about this woman flirting with her  _ fake husband. _

FAKE. Right.

Either way, she bristled.  "I know," she said, not breaking eye contact with Joan.  Seeming to take the hint, Joan nodded.  

“Yes… Well.”

“When did you have the chance to speak to my husband?” She took care not to say  _ John,  _ that was too impersonal if she was going to get this woman to back off. 

She wasn’t sure why she was being so aggressive, she’d never been this possessive of Mickey or Jimmy.  Then again, the Doctor was in a completely separate catagory than either of them.  

And a separate species.

Joan swallowed, obviously feeling like she was under fire.  “I caught him this morning, when he was coming down for class, and I asked him to ask after you.”

So, Rose thought to herself, he’d come downstairs and been sent back upstairs by Joan. She found she didn’t like the idea of this woman telling him what to do.  Usually the Doctor wouldn’t let anyone boss him around.  Her stomach clenched.  This wasn’t the Doctor.  This was a polite man of the 1900s, of  _ course  _ he would honor a woman’s polite request, whether they were married or not.  She was being ridiculous, and if she was honest with herself, she knew it.  She blew out a sigh. “Of course.  I was just confused, as I’ve been with him since we arrived.”

“Of course,” Joan said, lacing her fingers together in front of her, “The settling in period is very important to the teachers and their families.”

“Yes, it is.”

"Thank you again," Joan said before walking briskly out the door.

“Great,” Rose mumbled to herself, “Way to  _ go,  _ Rose, you’ve just lost the one friend you might’ve had in this dingy old school.”  She wondered if Claudia was nice enough to talk to on a daily basis, since she’d just scared off the school nurse.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had behaved like this. It almost made her sick.

Rose sighed and began the work of wrapping her bandages, singing softly to herself to fill the silence.  She tried to pick time appropriate songs, but she really didn't know any, so she really just tried to make sure no one heard her.  She didn't think anyone around here would fancy the Spice Girls too much.

The rolling of the bandages didn't take very long at all, and Rose wondered if she had even done it right, since it didn’t take enough time. So, once she was done she walked to the medicine cabinet and faced all the labels outwards, still humming softly.  When no one came in with near fatal injuries, she started to head out, but bumped into a young boy on her way.

"Oh, I’m sorry, all you all right?" Rose took a step back and looked at the child. 

He held up his hand, which was bleeding, and he murmured something like "papercut."

"I've got just the thing to fix that," she said cheerfully, beckoning for him to follow her back into the office.  She took a small bandage from the shelf and walked back over to the boy, talking to him as she was helping him dress the wound. 

“How’d you get a papercut so deep?” She asked when she realized it was bleeding a good deal, and must've been a very deep paper cut.

He lifted a shoulder.  “I picked up a paper too fast, ma’am.”

“Oh, well, you’ll have to take care not to do that again, won’t you?” Rose was pretty sure that she’d just quoted Little House on the Prairie, but it was all part of the integration she was supposed to be doing.  Full immersion in the time she was now sitting in.

“Yeah.”

“There,” she finished up, watching as the blood soaked through a little but stopped. “All better.” She smiled at him and he looked up at her.

"Thanks," the boy muttered under his breath once she had finished.  He offered her a shy smile before darting out of the room.

No, Rose Tyler didn't do domestic.  Rose Tyler loved time and space, and a 900 year old alien who showed her the universe.  She loved fighting aliens and never being in the same place too long and living in a box that was bigger on the inside.

Rose's small smile faded as she begun to realize: Rose Tyler didn't do domestic, but it seemed that Rose Smith did.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot wait for you guys to read a certain chapter I'm fixing up right now! You'll know it when you read it ;)

Rose stuck around the nurse's office for a bit to see if there were any more rouge papercuts that needed taken care of.  It kept her from being bored, she tried to tell herself, except it was very, very boring to sit in the nurse’s office and not be able to touch anything.  She looked around the room, looking at the medicines.  Mostly herbs, she noted, and hummed a little to herself. Her eyes looked but she wasn’t really seeing anything.  Finally, she sat down and set her hands in her lap, allowing herself to slouch.  This was going to be a long day, no matter what she tried to convince herself of.  

When it was around four o’clock and no one had come in, she shrugged to herself and left the office.  She shut the door, not having a key to lock it and wanting it to look like shop was all closed up. 

Luckily, now, there were loads of people milling about the school, teacher and student alike, all chattering excitedly.  Most of the adults gave her nods of acknowledgement and she nodded politely in response, smiling.  She wasn’t sure if she was doing any of this right, if her greetings were wrong, or maybe they could tell by her accent where she was from, what she was.  She didn’t want to blow their cover, make it seem like she was a… Witch or something.  Did they still believe in witches? She felt a bead of sweat appear on her forehead and wiped it away.

Despite all of her intrusive thoughts, she took her time heading back up to hers and John's room, however, because she missed him more than she thought she would and it was worrying her.

If she missed him with a few hours of separation, she didn't want to think about what would happen when the Doctor was back.  She would be happy to again have the Doctor at her side, but to see him without all the loving touches and gentle words was almost more than she could bear.  No one had been so good to her before.

Mickey was just fine, but wasn't exactly a gentle, loving man.  He was too modern.  He loved his video games more than her and had only noticed her when she disappeared. That was never what she had been looking for, and if she was honest with herself, she probably would have ended things with him regardless of whether or not she had met the Doctor.  Meeting him just sped things along a bit. 

She couldn't even bring herself to get started on Jimmy Stone.  It never did her any good to think about him, when they were with each other or not.  She closed her eyes briefly before continuing on, banishing thoughts of a man so cruel.  All she could bear to think was that she was glad John's touches were gentle.  Not that any man similar to the Doctor would be anything but.

She reached for the doorknob of their room, not even noticing that she had reached it.  She swallowed.  Maybe the thoughts she was having would disperse when she saw him again, hopefully provoking an 'oh, it's you' reaction.

She opened the door to find him shuffling papers at the table, his hair a mess, like he’d been running his hands through it since he’d gotten back from class.  His brow was furrowed in concentration and she smiled a little.  No, she was a goner.  She really liked this man.

He looked from his work and beamed at the sight of her as she closed the door behind her.  Before a single word had left her mouth he was on his feet and had swept her into his arms.  He hugged her with such enthusiasm, a bone crushing embrace,  that she shouldn't have been surprised when he delivered the same amount of it with his mouth.

Rose thought it was probably for the best that she closed the door, because kissing like this was far too obscene for this time.  And even if she wasn’t, she probably would’ve been a little embarrassed by the whole thing.  Not that he had noticed, as he had come after her without a word or a thought as to whether or not the door was open.  She wanted to lean back and lock it, but that wasn’t going to do anything but destroy her self control.

He seemed like he was content to devour her, or do something more, but his hands never moved besides skimming up and down her sides, so maybe he just enjoyed a good snog.  She supposed it had been a long day for both of them, just in very different ways.

Eventually he pulled away, panting a little, and kissed her cheek before grinning and heading back to the table.  "How was your day?" he asked casually, as if he hadn't just snogged the life out of her.

She opened and closed her mouth, trying to find her legs again so she could move them without collapsing.  It took a few more moments than she had expected that it would.  "Better now," she muttered to herself before sitting across from him. 

"What was that?"  He cocked an eyebrow, like he wanted her to repeat it but wasn’t going to push it.  She had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes.

"Nothing.  I went to the Nurse's office, like you said in your note," she said.  She smiled at him.  "Loved the note, by the way.”

"Hoped you would.” He beamed, looking quite proud of himself indeed.  “What'd she have you do?"

"Roll bandages and stay around while she ran some errands about the school."  She put a finger below his chin and tipped his face to force him to look at her.  She wasn’t sure what possessed her to say it, but let it be said that Rose Tyler usually spoke her mind, and that wasn’t about to change just because the Doctor had.  "Stay away from her," she said lowly.

"The nurse?  Miss Redfern?  Well I thought she was decently kind-"  He furrowed his brows in confusion as she winced when he said the final words.  Then, after a moment of searching her eyes, realization dawned in his own.  "Ohhh, I see.  Rose, come here."

She stood and walked over to him, a little embarrassed that he had called her out on her jealousy, or was about to.  She had expected him to brush her off with a 'yes dear', and then they’d have dinner and read and go to bed, and that'd be that.  Didn't look that way from where she was standing.

He pulled her so fast that she didn’t even realize it was happening.  Before she knew it he had them situated so that she was sitting on one of his legs, her own legs between his under the table.  He snaked a hand around her waist.  "Met the nurse twice on my way today.  Once on my way to class, once on the way back.  Do you think she has nefarious intent with me?"

She sniffed, looking down at her hands.  She hadn’t wanted to  _ admit  _ it, not really, but she also didn’t want to refuse him and risk anything.  "Yes, I do,” she said finally. “She was talking about you… Glowing about you,” she nearly spat. 

It didn’t matter that he was John and not the Doctor. She didn’t want anyone else touching him.  Which, she supposed, didn’t mean anything, because it wasn’t up to her, but right now it was.  She was going to keep the nurse from him because she couldn’t bear to see him with anyone else, even if cheating was the most frowned upon harshly in this day and age, that didn’t mean people didn’t do it.

"Well, you needn't worry about her, Rose, because you're far lovelier than she is and I love you more than I'll be able to bear.”  He cupped her cheek and smiled softly, forcing her to look at him.  “So... If you want me to stay away from her, I will, because I trust your judgement. But you don't have to worry about any...  Tomfoolery on my end.  I hope you know that."  He was looking at her with a desperate edge in his eye and it made her feel very guilty.

"None from me, either," she said earnestly, tilting her face into his hand.  "I trust you, John, please don't think I don't.  It's her I don't trust."

"Alright," he sounded uncertain.  “Is that… Are you alright?”  He wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her closer to him.

She nodded.  “Yes.  I just didn’t like how she talked about you,” she mumbled, picking at her cuticles and pretending there wasn’t a problem.  He saw right through that of course, and squeezed her a little tighter.  

“Well, it makes me feel safe, that you’re so protective,” he said softly, his eyes soft and gentle at her.  He didn't say anything else, just regarded her carefully.  She smiled tightly at him and nodded to herself. 

She made as though to stand up from his lap, but his arm pulled her back down.  "Stay," he murmured, and she complied, laying an arm around his shoulders and resting her cheek against him.

"You haven't given them homework already, have you?" Rose asked, gesturing to the papers. 

"No, these are student profiles," John held one up for her to see.  "I'm supposed to review all of them, not sure why."

"You didn't ask?"  She asked him, surprised. She turned a little to look him in the face better.

He lifted a shoulder.  "It's not my place."

_ The Doctor would've asked. _

The idea of the student files, though, caught her attention, and she straightened a little. "Ah.  Got a Lucas in there, by any chance?"

"Hang on," both Rose and John searched through the papers with their one free hand and eventually John pulled out a paper with "Lucas Wright" written on it.

"That's him," Rose nodded after reading the physical description on the paper.

"Who?  When did you meet this boy?"  John asked curiously.

"I bumped into him in the hallway on my way to the nurse’s.  He was a bit crude,” she sniffed.

He stiffened.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean he sort of, whistled at me, and made a… Um… Remark? A remark.  He knew you were my husband,” she pointed out before worrying her bottom lip.  She didn’t want him to be angry at her. If anything, that was the  _ last  _ thing she wanted.  Although, this wasn’t all her fault, was it?  She swallowed as John pushed her towards his knee so they could speak without their noses brushing.

John turned a furious eye on her, but the anger was not for her. One of his hands fisted in the skirts over her thigh and he fought to maintain his control as he spoke.  "And what exactly did he say?"

"Just the sort of whistling thing, inappropriate compliments.  Knew my full name, I think," she replied, rubbing his shoulder to calm him down and without better judgement, moving to kiss him.  He sighed a little and kissed her back, his posture relaxing.  His hand loosened from her skirts and he smoothed it up her side instead.

"I'll take it to the headmistress tomorrow," he said firmly once he pulled back, setting Lucas's paper on a separate stack.  "I'm glad you told me, Rose."

"I told him I'd tell you," she murmured against his hair.

"That was the right thing," John agreed, nuzzling her neck.  “Should I move these?  I don't know when they're bringing dinner up."

"In that case, you should probably move me off your lap," Rose said teasingly, starting to stand again.

Before she had a chance, he tugged her back down and brought his mouth very close to her ear.  "We're married," was John's only response.

She shivered and leaned her head against his shoulder as he sorted out a few more papers.   The way her heart was pounding, a knock on the door, this time, would be a welcome interruption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!!! This has almost 2000 reads already!!! I really hope I'm meeting all your expectations and you're enjoying it! <3

Rose and John spent the night the same way they spent every night; with a cuddle on the couch, some reading, and then straight to bed.   _Straight_ to bed, much to Rose's relief.  It seemed that he was exhausted from teaching his classes after what he thought was a period of summer rest.  But she wanted to stay up later reading to collect herself, so he went to bed without her, mumbling about his classes for tomorrow.  He kissed her goodnight with a gentle stroke to her cheek and went off without her, leaving her to her book.

Before Rose met the Doctor she hadn't been much of a reader.  But he had introduced her to how wonderful books could be, and since then she spent a lot of time in the TARDIS library, because  she wasn't just limited to books that had existed up until her time.  She had books literally all the way to the end of the universe.

She didn’t even really have a desire to go to bed, because every night she went to bed with John, she got a little closer, let herself get a little more comfortable. The only thing that kept her sane was remembering that the Doctor was coming back and he would be ashamed of her if she did anything.  Not to mention, she would feel guilty.  No matter how much John Smith loved her.

She read for another hour before her eyelids started to grow heavy and she realized that the end of her mystery would probably have to wait until tomorrow morning, at the very earliest.    She set her book down and changed into a nightgown, not even checking to see if John was looking at her, or even if he was awake.

She didn't seem to care if he looked anymore.

She walked to her side of the bed, and upon glancing down, noticed that he was asleep.  He looked so quiet, like his mind wasn't working, as it was the rest of the time.  She couldn't stop herself from smiling just a bit.  Even when the Doctor slept, his eyebrows were twitching, face still awake.  She touched his cheek gently, reveling in the new touch.  He pushed towards her and sighed happily in his sleep.  She drew her hand away from him so fast the it made the inside of her elbow ache.  She got into bed, being dreadfully careful not to wake him.

She lay on her side, facing him, and watched him for a moment to make sure he was still  asleep before closing her eyes.  She felt a hand on her waist and warily opened her eyes again, but John was still very much asleep.  He must've felt her get into bed.

She was pulled up against his chest, and he tucked her head under his chin, cuddling her up to him.  The gentle sigh he let out told her exactly how satisfied he was to be in this position,e ven in sleep.  She closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of the time, of wool and musky outdoors.  

In a way, it relieved her, that he had tugged her so close.  She seemed to be sleeping better these days when she was up against him.  And it seemed that even in sleep he appreciated it as well.  She burrowed down in the covers, nearly engulfing herself in him.  He held her very close, but was clearly asleep.  Rose smiled and let her eyes drift shut again, letting the feeling of him bury her.

Of course, in her day, she had slept in the same bed as other men, and she had slept in the same bed as the Doctor.  This man was an odd combination.  She was certain that she was rather used to regular men _and_ the Doctor, and it felt different to be here and now with John.  She knew these hands, but not with sweat on them. She knew the thump of his heart… But there wasn’t usually just one.  It was foreign when it should have felt completely normal, and that alarmed her, to say the very least.

Finally, she had to force down all those feelings bubbling up in her chest or she was never going to be able to sleep.  She squeezed her eyes shut and burrowed herself deeper, ignoring the fabric of his shirt pressing into her face.  His hand flexed against her back and she felt her body  relax slowly into sleep.

The next morning she woke early because he was stirring next to her.  She tilted her chin up to look at him, trying not to scold him for waking her.  His face lit up the moment he looked at her.

 "Good morning," he grinned happily at her and leaned down to kiss her.

"Good morning," she replied, smiling up at him.

"You can go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you," he said quietly, sounding a little guilty for disturbing her rest.  The thought made her feel guilty for wanting to yell at him for it.

"It's alright," she said in response, letting her eyes close for just another moment.  "We're pretty wrapped up, don't think you could've _not_ woken me."  Part of her suggested she should have added a ‘dear’ or something, but she couldn’t make herself do it.  That was not the relationship she had with the Doctor, and she wasn’t sure that it ever would be.

He smiled and hummed a little in the back of his throat.  "I had another dream last night." he said to her after a bit of a pause.

He now had her full attention if he hadn't before.  She focused in on his eyes, waking up fully.  She wanted to get him to say more.  She raised her eyebrows at him.  "Oh?"

"You were in it." He told her.

"Good,” she replied, and settled a little more firmly on the pillow, getting right across from him.  “Tell me about it.”

“You really want to hear it?”

“I said I did,” she said, “Shall I get your book?”

“Oh, love, I can get it,” he scooted up and got the book and settled back on the bed, his back against the headboard.  Of course, it was quite dangerous to the sheets to have a pen like that on the bed, but John didn’t seem to mind much, and he also didn't seem to make any mistakes to warrant such worry.

She came up next to him and watched as he started to write and his smile turned wistful.  "We were on this Impossible planet.  I don't know how it existed, any amount of physics says it's impossible.  There was a black hole above this... Space station!  Living in space, Rose, imagine that!  It's completely mad.  Maybe it'll happen someday."

She beamed at his enthusiasm.  "What did we do on this planet?"  She honestly hated the story, but he would need to tell it, wouldn't he?   And if she didn't show an interest, he’d be discouraged and perhaps stop telling her about things at all.  That was the one thing that she didn’t want above anything else.

So, he launched into an explanation of the Beast and how he went into the fit and found his 'mad blue box' and how she was dressed "stunningly inappropriately, Rose, you looked lovely", and how she had been so brave while he was gone.

"Mm, were you proud of me?"  She asked, her eyes drawn to the movement of his pen over the paper. He drew her again, her whole body, in her jeans and jacket, and she smiled a little at it.

He slid down in the bed, making them face to face.  "I was so proud," he whispered.  "I'm always proud."  He leaned forward to kiss her, deeper this time, and she rested a hand on his hip.

She peered down at his drawing as he started finishing it, still mumbling about her and all the things they had seen.  Rose pointed at the drawing, pretending to be surprised, “That’s what I was wearing?”

“I know, a bit scandalous, isn’t it?” He asked, sounding completely joyful about just how scandalous it was.  “You’ve a lovely shape, Rose.”

His voice was lower than it had been and she shivered a little.  “You shouldn’t talk like that when you have to go to work,” she scolded him.  

He grinned wolfishly at her and set the book aside, face up so the ink on the new pages could dry. He leaned over her. “I don’t know,” he purred, leaning down towards her. “Might make you think of me fondly, while I’m away.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She asked, trying desperately to keep her wits about her, but it was getting harder and harder. She was intoxicated by him, and it was becoming more difficult to remember that she was Rose Tyler and not Rose Smith.  She reached up and settled her hands into his hair before she even realized that she had done it.  

He smiled, as if expecting that response from her, and leaned down and kissed her.  She sighed and he melted against her, almost all the way on top of her, sheets tangled between them.  One hand landed on her side, the other bracing himself over her.  

She was caught up in his kisses. They were like fire, a sort of passion behind them she had never experienced before. Never had a man kissed her like he _needed_ her, or even wanted her that badly.  It made her feel something that she had never felt before, and she was only a little bitter that it wasn’t with the Doctor.

Although, this was the Doctor, technically.  Just a bit different, that’s all.  She curled her fingers into his scalp, and he chuckled against her mouth before moving down to kiss her neck. She arched her back, giving him better access and squeezing her eyes shut.  After a short while, he moved his way back up to her mouth and kissed her deeply again.

"I've got to go," he whispered against her lips.  

She whined as he pulled back but let her hands drop to his arms.  He looked down at where his hand lay on her side. “Bugger, I’ve got ink on your night dress.”

She looked down at it.  “When did you even get ink on your hand?” she asked, surprised, happy for the distraction.

He grimaced.  “No idea.  Sorry, though.”

“S’okay, not like anyone sees it but you,” She said, shrugging.  Getting a little ink on a nightdress that the TARDIS could clean in three months was the least of her worries.  

“Right you are!  Alright, well, I’m off,” he kissed her forehead and hoisted himself off her.  “Classes to teach and all that.  Sleep some more, you look exhausted."

"I can't imagine why," she said as he pulled away to climb out of the bed.  "Haven't been doing that much."

"You're adjusting, Rose," John said calmly.

"And you're not?" She demanded, sitting up.

He smiled down at her.  "I don't have time to sleep."

After a moment of inner battle, she reached out to grab his collar and pull him down on her.  "Stay," she murmured against his neck.

"Would I could, Rose," he replied, a hint of true longing in his voice, kissing her cheek before pulling back up.

"Tell you what," Rose said, sitting up and getting to her feet.  "You and me will read in bed tonight so we can go to sleep earlier.  Don't want to sleep without you."  She looked down, feeling a little bashful about the whole thing.

He grinned a little smugly at that, leaning forward to rub her nose with his.  "You just like that my feet are warm."

"You bet!" She grinned, the flush clearing from her cheeks.  "You'd better get ready."  She glanced at the table.  "Still don't like that they bring our food."  She said as he walked away.  She shouted after him,  "I want to cook for you!"  And maybe that wasn’t true, but it seemed like something a wife would say, if nothing else.

"It's only for a couple years, Rose!" John called from the en suite.  "I promise."

"Even shorter," she murmured to herself, her heart plummeted as she started pouring juice for the two of them.

He would be gone soon.

She picked up the fob watch from where she had placed it on the mantle and ran her thumb over it.  She sighed heavily through her nose.  How could she miss the Doctor so much but not want John to leave?  There was no way that the Doctor would’ve known any of this.  He wouldn’t have known how attracted she would get to him.

Or maybe he did know that.  Maybe he _did_ know that.  There was no way that the Doctor didn’t know that Rose was attracted to him. No way.  So, he had to expect something similar would happen, right?

She was tired of thinking.  This sort of situation wasn’t built for a human.  Shaking her head, she tried to push all of that out.  There was nothing to do but be strong for the Doctor, and she knew that.  It was what he would want.  She set the watch back on the mantle when she heard John come in.

He was the Doctor, wasn't he?  He remembered all they had done together, even if they were in dream form.  But he wasn't manic, he didn't break the rules...  He was purely human.

She couldn't have them both.

So she sighed to herself and just allowed herself to eat breakfast with her husband.


	10. Chapter 10

Rose didn't have a blessed thing to do that day, so after sitting and staring at the fob watch for an hour, she set it on the mantle, and heaved a rib cracking sigh.  It wasn’t going to do her any good to sit around and worry.  So, with a decisive nod to herself, she smoothed down her skirts and set off to see if the nurse needed her help again.   
  
It was an odd thing, this.  She was settled into evening routines and was never restless when she was talking with John, but the second he left she started to feel her wanderlust kick in.  She had no Doctor to save her from that and no TARDIS to take her anywhere.

Well… That part wasn’t quite true. She might not have any friends at all in this time, might not know anyone, but she did have the TARDIS still, all locked up in that barn and waiting.  Rose felt a little guilty for not visiting her actually, when she had been so kind to bring them to a safe place.   
  
Those thoughts slowed her progress. She didn’t even really want to see the nurse. She was sure she was a nice woman, but the fact that she had even considered coming onto John made Rose bristle uncomfortably.  If just for this moment, for right now, John Smith, the  _ Doctor,  _ was hers, and she wasn’t going to give him up.  None of it was going to be passed up because she dared to be submissive. That was one thing Rose was sure she would never get used to, in a time like this.  Being bloody  _ submissive.  _

She stopped on her way to the nurse's and changed her course to the front door.  Anyone passing her assumed Mrs. Smith was on her way outside, to get some fresh air, maybe go into town.  She smiled kindly at them all as she passed and they asked where she was headed, and a cheerful “Here and there!” was her response. But no, she wasn't headed ‘here and there’.  It was much more direct than that.  She was headed for a police box in a barn.   
  
Once she was over the first hill and out of sight of the school, she took off at a run, lifting her skirts and trying not to roll her ankles.  It felt so good to sprint, get out all the energy that had been pent up under straight backs and ‘yes, dear’s.  After a few minutes, she started to feel the atrophy on her muscles that set in after only a few days and she whined in pain in the back of her throat.  She grew overheated quickly and had to stop and rest.  She collapsed onto her back, the skirts fanning out all around her, her head back in the grass, arms outstretched.  She gulped for breath and wished she could roll her sleeves up. Her eyes closed and she caught her breath, hoping the TARDIS wouldn’t mind her getting some water from the galley before she went back.  

It took her much longer than it originally would have for her to make her way to the barn, but she had to get there.  It was too much.   
  
This life of being normal...  It was  _ too much. _   
  
When she saw the barn, she breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes, feeling a warm wind whisper across her face.  She didn't know what she was looking for in the TARDIS.  She only knew she needed to see it.  It was familiar and right where it should be.  In all honesty, it was the only thing that was where it was supposed to be.   
  
She opened the door to the barn (No small feat for a woman in what felt like a thousand skirts) and shut it behind her, just in case anyone were to wander past.  There it was, the TARIDS, lying dormant.    
  
She approached it carefully and pulled out her key from beneath neckline of her dress.  She felt wrong, dressed like this and trying to get in.  What if the TARDIS was mad at her for leaving and didn’t want her inside?  "Please let me in," she whispered as she slipped the key in the lock.    
  
To her absolute delight, the TARDIS opened, and she entered slowly, almost in reverence.  It had been a long time since she had seen anything that was bigger on the inside, and it felt like coming home.  Most likely because the TARDIS had been her home longer than Rose had even realized.   
  
She closed the door and ran up the ramp, stumbling a little over her skirts, and placed a hand against the console.  The TARDIS hummed to her in welcome, and she smiled.   
  
"You've been lonely, haven't you?" She asked the time ship, "I'm sorry... Maybe we'll make this a daily thing, shall we?"   
  
The TARDIS hummed again, in the back of Rose's head, and the screen on the console lit up.  Rose smiled, sensing the ship was happy.  The screen blinked and Rose looked at it, surprised to see something gearing up to run, a program or something.  What usually held Gallifreyan script that the TARDIS wouldn't translate for Rose now showed an image of the Doctor.  No, not an image, a video.   
  
"Rose, I recorded this as a precaution.  I didn't think I'd need it."  He ran a hand through his hair.  "But if you're in the TARDIS and you haven't opened the watch, this is for you, you naughty thing."  The Doctor grinned at the camera, and Rose grinned right along with it.  She missed that manic expression.  John was very good at gentle, loving looks, but he never quite captured the excitement of the Doctor’s face.  This was almost like coming home  _ again. _   
  
"Don't speak back, it's not quite like a telephone call," the Doctor sighed, "You're in the other room, you probably think I'm rambling.  Anyway, I made this to let you know that I'm alright.  You know John right now.  I hope he's nice to you, Rose, you don't deserve an alter ego of mine treating you wrongly.  But!  If I'm right about anything, and I like to think that I am, you're here because you miss me, aren't you?"   
  
In spite of herself, Rose nodded to him.  She wanted to at least  _ feel  _ like she was having a conversation with him.   
  
"And in that watch, I'm missing you as well.  Please don't worry.  Think of it as a quirky regeneration.”  He wrinkled his nose and shook his head to himself, his eyes not quite focused. “Actually wait, no, don't do that.”  He looked back up, his eyes softer, but so deep and so full of fire that she had almost forgotten about that look.  “Just remember I'm coming back to you, Rose.  I'll always come back, you got that?  And Rose, I- oh, you're coming towards the console room, I've got to go.  Be brave, Rose Tyler, and don't open the watch until you know it's safe.  I believe in you."  Screen-Doctor sent her another grin and the camera shut off.    
  
Rose slumped down into the captain's chair, which the TARDIS had knowingly moved to behind her.  She reached out and touched the screen.  "Miss you," she whispered as the first tears came down her face.

She felt the ship’s sad hum and she knew that of course, the TARDIS had to be missing him.  She’d known him almost a millennia longer than Rose had, after all.     
  
How could she have done this?  Replaced the Doctor with John because he loved her, because he wanted to be with her.  That wasn't fair to anyone, and seeing the Doctor again, the real Doctor, the rambling Doctor, on that screen made her want to run back to the school and flip open the watch.   
  
But she couldn't do that.  She had to wait until it was safe.  How would she know it was safe?  She didn't know what the Family looked like, or how to tell them apart from any other alien she might encounter.  She hadn’t seen them, so they could be humanoid, or they could look like the Slitheen… Or  _ anything,  _ really.

She blew out her cheeks.  Normally, she would ask the TARDIS what they looked like, but she wasn’t sure if that would help at all.  They were spoken of very cryptically after all.  The Doctor didn’t even seem to know, really.  Maybe he’d only sensed them, or smelled them, or something.  He had all those superior senses, after all.  What else would they be for than to protect himself?  She slumped in her seat, realizing that he couldn’t protect himself now that he was just a regular old human.   
  
She sniffed harshly, determined to be strong, like he wanted her to be.  The TARDIS stroked the back of her mind comfortingly.  Rose didn't know much about the telepathic connection the Doctor had with the TARDIS, but she knew you had to open your mind to it.  So she closed her eyes and let the TARDIS speak to her.   
  
_ I wish he'd left more messages for you.  _ The TARDIS’s ‘voice’ sounded quite honest, and Rose felt like it was very odd to have something in her head.  She was quickly getting used to it though, and couldn’t help but wonder what a connection with the Doctor would be like.   
  
The words weren't there so much as the feeling.  But they could be interpreted, like she could hear them in her own speech.  It was similar to translating languages, she imagined.  Rose smiled weakly.  "He wouldn't have had time."   
  
_ He'll be alright.  _ The TARDIS reassured her.   
  
"Do you know this timeline?"  Rose asked, glancing at the ceiling, "How it turns out, and everything? I know you know some of that stuff."   
  
_ No. But I believe the Doctor knew what he was doing when he picked you. _   
  
“What do you mean?” Rose asked, furrowing her brows.  “He didn’t pick me, he  _ found  _ me, that’s not quite the same thing.”

_ He picked you. _

Rose sucked in a sharp breath as the tears returned.  "And here I am with a man who loves me, and all I want is the one who doesn't!"  She pressed her forehead into the heels of her hands.  "How is gonna react when he wakes up?  He's gonna think I took advantage of him.  He's gonna hate me."   
  
_ He won't. _

Rose’s bottom lip continued to tremble and she kept breathing hard, trying to get herself under control. “This isn’t fair! Why couldn’t he be a human and still remember?  Why does it have to be like this?” 

She hadn’t realized how much this was affecting her, how hard it was to not see the Doctor every day, to laugh or talk with him.  She was with him all the time, and not having him with her hurt her more than she would be able to admit.  

Wiping her nose, she stared up at the ceiling.  “You must miss him too.  Why couldn’t we just hide until the Family went away?”  She dug her fingers into her eyes and let out a sobbed, feeling her teeth graze her bottom lip in a way that was bordering on painful in her sensitivity. 

“I don’t understand him,” she whispered. “I don’t  _ understand him.” _

And she never would.  Maybe that was what hurt her most of all.  She wept openly, because she was just so stressed and afraid, and there was no one to comfort her.  She was alone in the most profound sense of the word.

The time ship broke for Rose and sensed that she was going into a place of immense distress, and tried to settle the young human by pumping a gentle sedative into the air. She couldn’t go back to the school like this. She couldn’t let John see her like this, of course.  He would ask too many questions, and Rose, as fragile as she was, would give in and tell him everything, sobbing her heart out to a man who looked so much like the man she loved.

Obviously, the TARDIS knew that his wasn’t fair, knew that the Doctor probably should’ve gone about this a little better, but she was certain he would realize that when he woke from his human body.  She only hoped that he would be able to apologize.  Sometimes, his stubbornness got the better of him, and the ship was afraid that if he was stubborn here, he would lose Rose for good.  And that wouldn’t be the optimum for either of them. She saw what they were missing out on, letting him hold her at arm’s length, and had the TARDIS possessed a true heart, that very thought would have broken it.   
  
The TARDIS stopped speaking to Rose directly, hoping to save part of her sanity. Now she was just really only showing her emotions and not words, and tried to calm her mind through the telepathic connection, but letting said connection soften.  Rose relented to it, only breathing slightly heavier than normal as she lay back on the captain's chair, whimpering, and allowed the TARDIS to soothe her to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter I've been *Ahem* EXCITED about, so please review!! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Rose woke several hours later, still on the jump seat and feeling confused. However, she was calmer than she'd initially been, and she wondered if that was the TARDIS’s doing. She had no more anxiety about what the Doctor would think of her. He was her best mate, and she was protecting him. That was all it was, wasn't it?  He couldn’t fault her for that even if he wanted to.  

She chewed her bottom lip and sat up, patting her hair back into place.  The ship hummed tentatively, as though not sure how Rose would respond.  She patted a coral strut and smiled. “Thanks,” she said, “Guess I was being a little much, huh?”

The TARDIS chirped happily, and Rose laughed a little.  She dropped her hand and nodded.  “I need to get back.  Thank you.”

The TARDIS opened the doors for her, letting her know that she was welcome back, but it was also time to go.  When she stepped out into the barn, she noticed there was considerably less light, and furrowed her brows at the observance. That wasn't right at all. She hadn't come here late, but it hadn't exactly been early either.  How long had she been asleep?

She took a step outside the barn and found that there wasn't light because the TARDIS had put her to sleep for the entire day. She breathed out a heavy sigh and inwardly chastised the ship. It was sunset. School would be finished for the day and John would be back at their room.

Hopefully he figured she was helping Joan again.  She bristled. Hopefully he wasn’t with Joan.  

She shook herself, feeling a little foolish.  Of course, he wouldn’t be with Joan. He was probably eating and looking over his papers again, as that was what he did best.  She shook herself and set on her way, walking as fast as she could.

She was startled from that thought at the sight of the boy who had looked at her, Lucas, walking past with a woman Rose recognized as a teacher, a man Rose didn't know, and a little girl walking along and muttering quietly.  She frowned.  This was an odd group of people, and she wasn’t sure what they would all be doing together, especially being so conspicuous.  

Rose backed herself against the barn, hoping not to be spotted. They were talking so softly she couldn't make out what they were saying, though she could tell it was an intense conversation. She wasn't suspicious of that, not really, until she realized the little girl was talking as intently as anyone else, her eyes flicking between all of them, her mouth moving quickly.

She didn't know much about kids, but she knew enough to know that no child could be in a conversation with adults and teenagers that was that intense unless it was about footie or cartoons.  Even in the nineteen hundreds, kids didn't to talk about serious matters, she was sure of it.

Breathing heavily, she stayed pressed against the barn doors until they were well out of sight. By now it was almost completely dark, adding to the suspicion, and she took off, darting over the hill and running at nearly break neck speed towards the school.

They were the Family. She knew that, now.  There was no way it could be real people at all.  This wasn’t normal, and that was the first sign of alien activity.  She rather had a thought that the Doctor would be proud of her for figuring it out. But for now, though, she had to go to the Doctor and protect him.  The  _ Family.  _  They were still alive, and now there was no way on Earth that she could open that watch anytime soon.

She slowed down when she got close to the school, determined to catch her breath, and smoothed out her skirts and hair as she entered the school.

"Mrs. Smith!" Claudia ran up to Rose and grabbed her shoulders, looking frenzied. "Your husband is going mad with worry! You'd best go check on him before he pulls all his hair out!"

Rose's eyes widened. She hadn’t really expected such a reaction.  "Alright, it's okay.  Um...  I'll go to him. Thank you," she patted Claudia's hand.  “Is he alright?”

“No!” Claudia shook her head. “He was fine when he first arrived back at your room. But after about an hour he started asking anyone and everyone if they had seen you, and no one had. You’d best not delay any more, Mrs. Smith, I fear he’s going a bit mad,” she said with emphasis, repeating herself, and Rose got the point.

Releasing Claudia’s hands, she furrowed her brows distractedly as she headed for the steps. “Thank you!” She said over her shoulder, starting to rush a little. She didn't know why John was so worried. Although, she'd probably never disappeared on a whole day before in his memories, no matter how fabricated they were.

 They were real to him, and that was all that mattered.

She had barely opened the door to their room before John had her in his arms and she realized he was shaking. She ran a soothing hand up and down his back as he crushed her to him.  

"You gave me the world's largest scare, Rose," he whispered shakily into her ear, his breath rapid and his heartbeat fluttering.

How could she explain where she'd been? She couldn't say the TARDIS, or anything of that sort. She bit her lip and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. "I'm sorry, John, I was just going for a walk and I sort of found this barn, and it was far from the school, and I fell asleep. I didn't mean to worry you."

He didn’t release her, instead, just held her tighter, and she let him, rubbing her hands over his back and pressing kisses to his skin, where she could reach it.  She hoped to reassure him enough that he would be able to release her, but he didn't seem like he was headed that way anytime soon.  So, she just relaxed in his arms lnd let him hold her tight, his fingers curled into the material of her dress.

He only let her back enough to crush his lips to hers, nearly cracking her ribs with his arms. She ran her hands up through his hair, trying to calm him, and failing. He didn't pull away for a very, very, long time, as if he was seeking to devour her with his mouth. Eventually he released her, only to clutch him to her again, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

"I was so afraid. I came back here, and you were gone, and no one knew where you were. Why didn't you tell anyone where you were? You could've been killed!"  He didn’t sound angry, just anxious and so full of fear that she could barely stand it.  She felt very guilty, even though she knew that she hadn’t done anything wrong.

"I didn't know where I was going, I was just wandering about, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, it's alright, I love you so much and I was so afraid, that's all."  His voice was muffled by her skin and she closed her eyes.  She couldn’t spend the whole night like this, with him frantic and upset, his heart pounding up against her chest like it was about to explode.

She pushed away from him and cupped his cheeks with her hands. "I'm sorry. I love you," she said it firmly to get her point across and stroked her thumbs over his cheekbones. "We're alright now."

He pulled her to him again and kissed her fiercely, running his hands up her back and into her hair. Eventually, he moved back, leaving her stunned at how quickly he had ended the kiss. She blinked at him, feeling more than a bit dazed.  He stared into her eyes. "You're the most important part of my world, Rose. I couldn't bear anything happening to you. If something happened to you, I'd... I'd have nothing."

"I'm not everything to you," she whispered, tracing her hand down his jaw. "You've got your job here."

"Which I would give up in a heartbeat if you weren't happy," he said passionately, tipping his head towards hers, his eyes searching hers deeply.  "Are you happy, Rose?" he whispered.

She grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck, gentler this time, and he rested his chin against her shoulder, letting his breathing even out.

"I'm happy as long as I'm with you, John." She said, almost choking on the words. She closed her eyes.  This just wasn’t fair.  She pressed her nose into his shoulder and held him close, reveling in touching him and having him right up against her.  

Neither of them knew how long they stood there, in each other's arms. She did it for him, or so she told herself, because he needed to know she was there, and that she really was sorry. She felt very guilty for making him anxious. And she was afraid that when she told him she loved him that she meant it.

John seemed incredibly reluctant to let go of her, and after the scare she and the TARDIS had gave him, she figured that he probably had a right to be. He pressed a soft kiss to her neck and pulled away from her. He studied her for a moment before reaching behind her to push the door shut and holding his hand out to her.

"Come to bed," he said quietly, keeping his arm outstretched.

She took his hand and he led her close to him, taking steps backwards to lead her towards the bedroom.  He let go of her hand and tugged his jacket off, letting it fall behind him.  She felt her legs start to shake at the implications and found that the only thing she really needed to remove was her dress before she was very close to being completely naked.  

“John?”

“Come here.”

He had never sounded so commanding, and Rose’s eyes almost crossed merely from his voice. She felt like her head was filled with cotton.  She stepped forward and kissed him, unable to keep off of him.  His hand slid around her back and he started unbuttoning her dress without looking with the ease of a man who had done this before a million times.  

Rose wondered what sorts of memories had been set into his mind.  

He tugged the dress open at the back, whimpering into her mouth when she wouldn’t move her arms. Finally, she had to pull away from him to take the sleeves off and let all her skirts fall in a heap at her feet. 

His eyes darkened instantly.  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered against her ear.  He kissed his way down her neck and bit her collarbone, hard.  She gasped and grabbed onto his hair, letting him leave a vicious mark.  It was below where any of the collars of her dresses would fall, preserving her dignity and his reputation.  They were married, yes, but there were some things that nobody wanted to see.  

She glanced down at the top of his head, watching as he moved on and revealed the purpling mark.  She had a feeling this was reassurance for him as much as it was anything else, and it struck her as odd, how alright she was with it.

His hands traced paths of fire down her sides and she gasped as he moved back up to capture her mouth again.  With a strength she hadn’t known that he possessed, he turned her and grabbed her by the back of the knees, lifting her up so she  fell back on the bed, her head up at the pillows.  She felt the breath whoosh out of her and caught her breath as John crawled over her, hands still under her knees.  She let one of her hands fall to the back of his neck as he set about kissing her again, one hand running up the outside of her thigh.

She stroked the back of his neck, trying to reassure him that she was right here and not going anywhere, but he didn’t seem to be coherent enough to accept it. He bore down harder on her, touched her with more pressing strokes, and she didn't want to resist a moment of it.

She'd never been kissed quite like this before. It was just something she did with her past boyfriends because they were a couple, and wasn't that what couples did?  It wasn't that way with John. He kissed her to show her the truth of all the things he said. It drew her in with an energy that was new and she was lost to it.  She wasn’t thinking clearly anymore and she knew it, and she couldn’t be bothered to care.  All that mattered was that somebody wanted her and it was somebody that she just happened to want right back.

Rose had never been truly wanted before. Jimmy had just  _ craved,  _ never giving anything in return, and there were times that she thought Mickey just dated her because they'd been best mates for so long. There had been no real reason for them to be together. 

But John wanted her, and wasn't afraid to show it, and that made him so unlike the Doctor that she was left scrambling for an answer. She realized that now was a pivotal point. She had to hold onto him, keep him close, until she opened the watch. 

She realized, as he bit at her neck again, that he wasn't even worried that she had been doing something bad. She was sure there were affairs in this day in age, but he never even thought that she had been out messing around. He had been worrying for her safety. 

The mind of this man was the most pure thing on the world. 

Well, she thought as he licked his way back to her mouth,  _ sort of  _ pure. 

“Rose?”

“Yeah?” She replied, giving up any pretense of being a proper woman. She started opening his shirt, realizing she'd been idle for too long. He hummed happily and cupped her cheek, his hand shaking. 

“I love you, Rose.”

Her hands stilled. He'd said the words before.  And she'd said them back. But this was so different. He was looking at her like she was the only woman he was capable of seeing. He was looking at her with the love he spoke of radiating from him, earnestly willing her to believe him. 

“I love you, too.” She wished her voice didn't sound so timid. Or sincere. She bit her lip, trying not to let tears well up in her eyes. “I do.”

He blew out a sigh and pressed his forehead to hers. “I know.”

He kissed her again, tongue tracing her bottom lip, and she ripped his shirt open. He had plenty more in their wardrobe. This, somehow, seemed one thousand times more important. 

John thought so too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter used to end with:
> 
> "He held his hand out to her. 'Come to bed?'
> 
> And she did."
> 
> How lame is that???? This is much better, I think.


	12. Chapter 12

It was much later, when Rose woke, her head was settled on John's chest, her arm wrapped around his waist. She tilted her head to see if he was awake yet, and he wasn't. It had to be the middle of the night still, based on the shadow's on John's face and chest.  She gazed at him, watching how peaceful his sleep was.  

She settled back against him, feeling a little guilty. The Doctor would most certainly hate this, her cuddled up with him and having been so intimate. But what was she to say? "No, John.  I know I've scared you but we can't because you're actually a 900 year old alien I'm best mates with."  She couldn't. And she found that she would've regretted it if she had.

The Doctor, she thought, would certainly regret it.  Because he would retain the memories, she thought, and he would look at her with absolute disgust.  And she wouldn’t blame him, not really, but she needed him so much.  If the Doctor sent her home, she didn’t know what she would do.  Did she even really have a home besides the TARDIS? Somehow in her mind, it was doubtful.

She shut her eyes, trying desperately to fall asleep, but now the worry was too much, and she felt as though she might explode with it. She let out the air in her lungs in one long breath, disturbing the hairs along his chest, her fingers scratching along his torso.

"You alright?" His quiet voice, groggy with sleep, asked her.  His fingers trailed softly along her shoulder.

"Yeah, m'okay," she said against his skin, lying even as the words left her.

"You sure?" he sounded concerned, and she was so genuinely touched by it she didn't know what to do.  He moved his hand so that the tips of his fingers were running through her hair, and she sighed, almost forgetting what he had been talking about.  Reminding herself that he was trying to talk to her, she opened her eyes again.

She pushed herself up on the bed so they were sharing a pillow, facing each other.  She couldn’t stop herself from cupping his cheek, loving the way his hair looked, all fussed up, even more than it usually was when he was the Doctor.  Maybe that was because  _ she  _ had done it that time, and created all the marks on his neck.  "Nothing's wrong, John. I'm fine."

"Are you?" He furrowed his brows, now fully awake.  He watched her carefully, stroking her back. "What happened today, Rose?" He whispered, as though he was afraid to say anything at all.

She rubbed her thumb over the apple of his cheek, catching the stubble on the pad of it and marveling at how her palm seemed to fit in the curve of his cheek. "I got lost," she said, meeting his eyes. "I got lost and that barn was right there... So I figured I'd rest before finding my way back. I didn't mean to worry you, really." She tried to be earnest about it, because she hadn’t meant for it to come to this.

Upon seeing the trusting look in his eyes, she immediately felt horrible for lying to him, for lying to this fake man and falling in love with him. She wanted to cry, but that wasn’t going to help anything.  It would just make him worry more and that would be even worse.

"It's alright," he said quietly, pulling her in for a long kiss before settling her against his chest.  She breathed out a sigh and closed her eyes, cuddling closer to him, keeping herself locked in his warmth. 

She hated that she liked it. She hated that she liked and wanted his affections. She didn't want to want any part of him, but she did, because he was so like the Doctor, minus the guarded personality. And the rambling. But if she was honest, she liked the rambling.

He would send her home. She knew that, now that she'd done what she had. He'd take her and dump her at the Powell Estate with a "Thank you, see you later!" and that would be that. She would have to live a normal life.

Above all, that was one thing she didn't want.  Not that she would blame him, of course.  He would deserve to do anything he wanted with her, as she had violated him so.  She opened her eyes and stared across John’s chest.  He continued to stroke her back, and it should have been soothing, but it just made her feel even more guilty.  Her stomach turned and she pressed her nose into his chest.

“Rose, I said it’s alright.”

“I feel guilty,” she mumbled, and that was the truth. She just didn't’ have to tell him  _ what  _ she was feeling guilty about. And even if she told him, he would never believe her.

So she closed her eyes and listened to John's single heart beat and steady breaths as his arms wrapped more fully around her.  “Rose, I don’t think you should feel guilty.  I… I’m safe, and you’re safe, and that’s all that matters, really.”

She sighed and curled her fingers into his chest hair.  He hummed a little in the back of his throat, running his fingers up into her hair, loosely tangling but not trying to get out.  She felt a bit more at ease now, with him reassuring her over and over. 

“Okay,” She whispered, because yes, he was safe… For now.  And she was safe… For now. But there was no way to know what was coming and that scared her absolutely to death.  It made her even more anxious when she realized she couldn’t  _ talk  _ to him about anything that was actually bothering her.

"Go back to sleep, Rose," he whispered against her hair, and for some reason, that was the only incentive she needed to drift off again.

She woke in an empty bed with the covers tucked up around her chin (Probably to protect her honor, knowing John as she did now, and knowing the society of seeing someone without any... Well) and another note on the bedside table. She grinned and rolled over, eager to read it. 

As she extended her arm, she noticed the love bites that scattered from her collarbone. She laughed a little.  Well, it really  _ was  _ good for all those stiff necked and long sleeved dresses.  It would be easy to cover up, though part of her wondered what would happen if she showed the marks, especially to  _ Joan Redfern, _ but she didn’t think it would do her any good.  

_ My love, _

_ I've left early again. Those children will never get their lessons done on time, I think. I'd forgotten I was supposed to meet a student. I would've woken you, but I didn't want to, you looked like you were getting much needed rest. _

_ No wandering off today, please. But if you do choose to wander, please wander back here. _

_ Love, _

_ Your unbelievably charming husband who is growing more reluctant to leave by the second, _

_ John _

She smiled at the words, feeling a tug in her heart when she noticed the 'wandering off' bit. Oh, she'd heard that before. She wouldn't be surprised if he told her she was jeopardy friendly the next time he saw her.

Well, maybe she'd be a bit surprised.  After all, this wasn’t really the same man.  Her stomach twisted.  She would do well to remember that.

She rolled over in search of day clothes, and after completing that search and covering herself up, sat down for a breakfast for one.  

It was sort of lonely, sitting down in a still room and eating breakfast all by herself.  It wasn’t really something that she had experienced since she started traveling with the Doctor. Even though he didn’t sleep a whole lot, he still ate all his meals with her, and so the only time she was alone in the galley was if she wanted the odd cup of tea.  Other than that, the Doctor was always by her side, and she felt like there was something missing.  

She hadn't gotten any time to read her book last night, so she pulled out her book and sat on the couch, but it felt wrong without John cuddled up at her side. She shook that train of thought straight away. Sure, she and the Doctor did what was classified as 'cuddling' every once in awhile on the TARDIS, but it was best to forget those moments ever happened, for they would be gone soon.  She tried to replace the memory of John’s warm body with the Doctor’s cooler one, his blood colder than this human version of himself.  

It wasn’t pleasant, trying to replace him, to fix what was so bloody  _ wrong  _ but felt much better than wrong.  She could’ve lost her mind with it all, really.  It was all so complicated and confusing, and it was taking her too long to think about.  She was wasting her time on something that, at the moment, couldn’t be changed.

So she tried not think about it.

After a couple hours of reading, that old restless spirit of Rose's picked up, and she wanted nothing more than to leave this bloody school.  She spared a brief thought to going back to the TARDIS but remembered exactly what reaction that had brought. No, that wouldn’t really do any good, would it?  They’d just have a repeat of last night, though… Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.  She shook herself, forcing herself to think a little harder. It would be acceptable to leave the school, but she could  _ not  _ travel all the way to the barn now, especially now that she had  a feeling that the Family was getting close.  It was too risky. She thought about going into town and decided that that was the sort of wandering she should be doing.

People would see her in town and think "that's John Smith's wife. Went missing for a whole day!" but they'd see her and know she wasn't missing anymore. And after a couple hours of making nice with people she couldn't care less about, she could go back to the TARDIS and not fall asleep.

But then again, could she make it back to the school without falling asleep?  Then again, the TARDIS had been so soothing that she had just knocked out.  She wasn’t sure that that wasn’t going to happen again.  The ship would probably try to get her to sleep again.  She almost wondered if the TARDIS was doing it just so that she would have to go home to a worried John. 

She narrowed her eyes to herself.  No, why would the ship want to throw her into John’s arms? That didn’t make any sense and it never would.  She slumped a little.  The TARDIS would probably want the Doctor as far away from Rose as possible.  She was just a filthy little human, after all.  Shaking her head, she focused back in on her book.  It was harder to do now that her mind was all over the place, thinking about the Doctor and John and the TARDIS and  _ living in bloody 1913.   _ It was all rapidly coming to a head, and she was doing it alone.  That made it so much harder to do anything.

She blew out her cheeks and threw her book to the side. She couldn’t let those thoughts rule her, though the decision to go and see the TARDIS was more and more pulling by the moment.  She felt a little bit of humming in the back of her head.  Could the TARDIS even reach her from here? 

Well, there wasn’t much to think about, now.  She had to go to the TARDIS, she needed something familiar.  She chewed on her bottom lip and realized that if she didn't go visit the TARDIS, the ship would get lonely too.  That was the plan, then. Town, TARDIS, home to husband.

She sighed, pressing her fingers to her temple. She shouldn't think things like that. Maybe watching the purely platonic video from the Time Lord, proper Doctor again would set her straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please review?


	13. Chapter 13

A few hours later, she sat and watched the video again, her hands folded in her lap.  Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, she didn't feel any guilt after watching it.  The Doctor would have to understand, wouldn't he?  And he'd also remember.  She wished she could stop  _ thinking  _ about that.  If she could pound it into her head, make herself forget, it would probably be the reprieve that she needed, to make her shoulders stop creeping up to her ears, filling with tension.

She was afraid of what he'd say, of course, but she was more afraid that he would brush it off, pretend it never happened, and they'd be fighting the tension forever.  It was already bad enough, she didn’t want to think about it getting any  _ worse.   _

She sighed and stood resolutely.  If she didn't leave now, she wouldn't, and she couldn't have John worrying sick over her again.  As much as she wanted a repeat of the other night, it wasn’t worth it.  Especially if her conscious wasn’t planning on easing itself anytime soon.  Walking to the door, she patted one of the coral struts on the TARDIS as a goodbye and left the little blue box.  She felt the ship hum a happy little goodbye back to Rose, and she blew out a sigh.  It wasn’t always going to be like this, that simple life.  She knew the TARDIS was probably getting restless, more so than herself. 

Stepping out of the barn, she saw the Family passing again and froze.  It was a bit odd that they would pass this exact spot again.  Did they know that the TARDIS was here?  Could they smell  _ that?   _ The Doctor was shielded with his human heart, but the ship wasn’t.  Chewing her bottom lip, she tried to listen, but couldn't very well sneak up on them without being seen, considering that their other senses were probably quite precise and intense.  She only heard words like "him" and "Doctor" and "wife" and "kill".

She shivered at the sound of those words, disjointed and digging straight into her skin.  What if they knew?  What if they knew who the Doctor was, that he was John?  She'd have to keep a closer eye on him than before, which meant no more trips to the TARDIS.  She'd only be able to go into town at best.  She started to feel herself twitch with the need to run.  If only someone would run with her.  

She eyed the Family as they walked away, not wanting them to see her.  For all she knew, they knew who she was.  She couldn't help but wonder if they had been possessed by members of the Family, or if they were disguised.  She wasn't sure which frightened her more.

She took her time going back.  It was mid-afternoon, and by the time she got back it would be nearly sunset.  That was around the time John would get back, and she knew that today she really needed to get back before he did.  He’d probably even be hurrying home to try and get to her in time.

The amount that he worried about her made her feel so loved she almost couldn't handle it.  She always wanted the Doctor to love her that way, and she felt that she was settling for second best with John.  Except, she found she didn't think he was second best.  She thought of him as a very different person from the Doctor.

But they were the same, weren't they?

She wanted to stop getting caught up in that, but it was right in her face, all the time, and couldn’t get it out of her head.  It had to be her focus, because it was currently happening.  This was the adventure they were on, and she couldn’t just sit around and avoid it.

She reached the school early, brushing past younger boys who were having a break to get inside.  She stopped by the Nurse's office, but no one could convince her it was because she was suspicious.

But she knew deep down it was because she was suspicious.

"Hello, Joan," she chirped, sounding fake to her own ears as she flung the door open.

The other young woman grinned up at her from her paperwork at her seat.  She looked quite innocent, Rose noted.  "Hello, Rose.  Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to see if you needed any help," Rose replied, crossing her arms and rocking back on her heels..  "Nothing to do, and all that."

Joan nodded, looking a little suspicious, as she obviously hadn’t seen Rose all day. Rose had an idea that she might have wondered where Rose got off to.  She didn't’ question her though, and gestured behind her.  "Bandages need rolled, if you're interested."

“Did you have any incidents today?” Rose asked.

Joan laughed and shook her head.  “No, not as such.  Just a couple rambunctious boys being in here and knocking them over.”

She furrowed her brows. “I didn’t leave the door open or anything, when I was here the other day.”

“It was a day you weren’t here, Mrs. Smith, you’ve nothing to worry about.”

She was a little afraid that the Family had come and messed up the nurse’s office, but she couldn’t tell Rose that.  She rubbed her hands together and nodded before getting ready to do what she was actually here for.

Rose picked up the basket of bandages and sat down before beginning the bandage rolling.  "Anything interesting happen today?"  She asked simply, hoping she sounded nonchalant and not quite managing to even convince herself.

Joan shrugged, looking dreadfully bored.  "Even if it did, I wouldn't know.  I've been here all day.  It's been very slow around here as well," she smiled, "Thankfully no injuries."

Rose really didn't have much to say to that, thinking that she'd probably got the answer she needed.  After she was finished rolling the bandages, she asked Joan for the time, and after hearing that, said she really should get back to her room.

“Oh, I suppose it is getting a bit late,” Joan said.

“Yes,” Rose tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.  My husband should already be back in our room, I expect.”  She hated talking like that, because it didn’t allow her to spit out the venom she wanted to at the other woman, a clear and concise  _ back off. _

However, she made a rather big deal about saying words like " _ husband" and "our room". _

She flashed Joan a final grin before leaving and hurrying up the stairs, trying not to trip over her skirts as she went.  She met Claudia on their way up, who was bringing their dinner.  Rose wasn’t sure she wanted anybody else going into their room without any awareness, as they had been (after she’d seen the Family, at least) and decided maybe she wanted to take it in herself. 

"I can take this," she said, smiling and shifting the tray onto her own arm.

"Thank you, Mrs. Smith," Claudia smiled, looking startled but pleased at having the load taking off of her arms.  "Happy to have you here."

"Happy to be here," Rose replied, really only lying through her teeth.

"Good day, Mrs. Smith," Claudia said happily, starting to go off on her own way.

"To you too."

Rose took the tray into their room, taking care to set up the plates so they looked nice and pretty before sitting on the couch with her book again.  John wasn’t back, which she hadn’t expected, but she wasn’t worried.  He had the tendencies to get distracted just like the Doctor did, and the Doctor was never a person she had to worry about.  She chewed her bottom lip, thinking a bit harder on the situation. Well, she didn’t  _ usually  _ have to worry about the Doctor, but there were moments.  

However, she didn't find it difficult to focus, grateful for a distraction from the Family and from John and just  _ everything. _

John arrived about a half an hour later, throwing his jacket on the sofa before rounding about to stand in front of her.  Rose smiled up at him and set her book aside, allowing him to pull her up and into a hug. 

"Glad you're here," he mumbled against the skin of her neck.

Warmth blossomed in her and she hummed happily.  "I won't ever worry you again, I promised you that." She whispered, trying not to spoil the moment.

He held her just a little tighter at that, warm nose pressed to her neck.  His breath coasting along her skin made her shiver and she pressed a kiss to his temple.  He sighed, seeming very contented with himself..

"Happier news!" John pushed Rose away, holding her by her waist.  He kissed her and pulled back again.  "There's a school wide dance, boys are bringing girls from town, and the teachers are chaperoning.  What do you say?" He kissed her again and she giggled.  "Would you like to come with me?"

She thought about the idea of a dance.  That would expose him, but she would, of course, have a good excuse to keep an eye on him.  And she couldn't very well say no, not that she would even want to if it was an option that presented itself.  She chewed her bottom lip for a moment before nodding shakily, watching his face split into a grin.

"Of course!" She smiled.  "But I don’t have anything to wear."  It was true, at least.  All her gowns were significantly plain, and she couldn’t help the fact that she wanted to look nice for such an important day… And not at all to rub it in Joan Redfern’s face.

"I'll give you money tomorrow morning," he promised, almost in the flippant way the Doctor offered her credit sticks when they went to open air markets.  "I’m sure you’ll find something suitable that you like.  But, really, you look lovely in anything."  He grinned at her and she blushed, not expecting the compliment.

They sat down for dinner, and the chatter was so much more lively, less drawn back by worry, and Rose found herself enjoying it all together too much.  It seemed that they had settled into a new sort of closeness after the night she had worried him so terribly.

After they ate and tidied up after themselves, they fell into their routine, John reading to Rose as she lay with her head on his lap.  She’d developed a bit of a headache with all the thinking she’d done that afternoon and he rubbed her temple gently until she felt that it would be very easy for her to fall asleep.  Instead, though, she kept listening to the sound of his voice, how it relaxed her and kept her captive to every rumbling word.  She wasn’t even sure what it was that he was reading.  She wasn’t even sure that she cared.

It was all disturbing her, how much she loved this routine, how much she loved the near normalcy of it, of being loved.  Getting up, going about, with still the hint of adventure as she kept an eye on the Family, and then back to the man that couldn’t get enough of her.

But the point was that she really did love it.   _ And _ she was still nervous about the Family and felt the need to investigate further tomorrow.  The only problem was that she would always have to be back at the school before John realized she had gone.  She had a tendency to get caught up in things, and she had a feeling that this would be one of them.   

After three chapters and there was minimal light left, John shut the book and Rose sat up, knowing that this was the part where they went to bed.  She felt like she was sleepwalking already as she stood up and waited for him to follow suit, which, of course, he always would. 

He was so gentle, kissing her softly before she changed into her nightclothes, how he hugged her close when they climbed into bed, protecting her with his arms and pulling the covers up to her neck.  She noticed that every night, he kissed her forehead sleepily before whispering "Goodnight, my Rose."


	14. Chapter 14

That night, Rose wondered if it was possible to have the living daylights cuddled out of her.  He seemed to get cuddlier every night, fingers curling into her ribs and face pressed into her neck.  And that certain night, he seemed to wake up a little randy. 

 

He pressed gentle, open mouthed kisses to her neck until she woke up.  She stretched a little, pushing back against him.  He made an odd sound in the back of his throat and grazed his teeth over her shoulder before pushing her hair back from her neck. After a few moments of this, he seemed to want her participation, and rolled her over, moving his way up to her mouth.

 

“Hello,” his voice rumbled with sleep against her skin.  She cupped his cheek and smiled up at him. 

 

“Hi,” she whispered.  She glanced out the window.  “You’re up a little early.”

 

He raised his eyebrows at her.  “Well, I plan to go back to sleep a little later,” he said, dancing his fingers along her ribcage.  

  
“Oh?” She feigned indifference and ran her hand up into his hair, causing his eyes to flutter shut.  He let out a shuddering breath before opening his eyes again, much darker than before.  Oh, she knew that look now.

 

He crawled over her, wedging his knees between hers. Unfortunately for the smooth moves he was trying to pull, he got caught up in her nightdress and face-planted into her chest, his arms collapsing a little. 

 

She giggled and ran her hands over his back.  The mood wasn’t quite dead, and she found that she desperately wanted to bring it back.  She kissed his forehead and found  that the skin was warm there, like he was blushing.  “You alright there?” She asked him softly.

 

“That has  _ never  _ happened before,” he complained into her chest.  She bit her lip and patted his head, only feeling a little bad for him.  He humphed at her, still not moving.  “It really has never happened, Rose.  You know I am… Coordinated, but-” he started to shift and she realized this wasn’t how she wanted things this time.

 

She smiled and before he could situate himself, rolled him over so she was straddling his hips.  “Oh, you weren’t expecting that, were you?” She teased, settling her hands on his chest.  His palms cupped her hips and he looked up at her with a shocked expression.

 

“I think it’s safe to say that I was not,” he said softly, smiling.  He looked a little uncertain, and she smiled sheepishly, starting to move off his lap. Maybe she’d never done that before, in his memories.  Maybe she had never been assertive.  She kicked herself mentally for doing it and tried to climb off.  Much to her surprise, he curled his fingers into her and pulled her back onto his lap.  He sat up and grinned at her. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” He sounded a little sheepish and she smiled.

 

She kissed him then, cupping his cheeks, her fingers slipping into his hair.  One of his hands slipped up the back of her nightdress, the other above it on her upper back.  His mouth worked against hers for several moments before he broke away, panting up at her.  

  
“Are you.... Are you sure you’re not too tired?”  He asked, his eyes pleading for the answer she was about to give.

 

She tackled him back down again and kissed down his neck.  “Never.”

****

Rose woke  the next morning with another note on her bedside table. 

_ Dear Rose, _

_ I left early again.  One of these days you'll wake up with me there, I promise.  I'll see you later tonight. _

_ On the mantle is the money you need for a dress.  Spend it well, my Rose, as I know you will. You have never been one for waste. _

_ All my love to you, _

_ John _

It was impossible to be angry with him leaving when he left lovely notes every single time he left.  It was more consideration than she’d ever gotten from a man.  Frustrated, she flopped back on the bed on her side.  She was planning to investigate the people she knew were the Family, since she had a feeling that that was what the Doctor wanted, but what could she do?  The plan was literally to wait for them to die.  She wasn’t sure she could wait that long, though, not when they were getting so close to John. They were in trouble and she knew it.  

The dance he had brought up filled her with worry, but she couldn’t,  _ wouldn’t  _ tell him no.  She needed to protect him, and hiding in their room wouldn’t accomplish that.

She changed and ate breakfast, sort of going through the all-too-familiar motions, wishing John was here to break the silence.  She went around and stuffed the money he’d given her from the mantle into a coin purse with the fob watch.  Now that she knew for sure that two members of the Family were in the building, she wasn't going to leave that watch with them.

Now that she was known as the woman who randomly went missing and drove her husband mad with worry, she made sure at least four people saw her before heading into town.  That way if someone were to say “Oh, where’s that pesky Mrs. Smith got off to?” someone could say, easily, “Why, she was in town, of course!”

It just made things easier, kept everything easily tucked away.  An alibi, really, not that she was about to go out and commit any crimes or anything, but this was important.  She needed to be careful and do what the Doctor would do.  She blew out her cheeks. This was going to be difficult.

Claudia told her about a dress shop she could try, knowing she would need something rather fine to wear to a dance, especially as a chaperone.  As indifferent as Rose wanted to feel about the dance, she was elated at the aspect of wearing a lovely gown and dancing.  She did love the TARDIS Wardrobe Room, after all.

Something caught in her throat at the thought of the Wardrobe Room, and really the TARDIS rooms in general.  Soon after the Doctor's regeneration, they had been in the wardrobe room, helping him pick a second suit (He couldn't wear the same one all the time, could he?).  He ended up in his dark blue suit that he would wear from then on along with the brown, and she had been wearing a very Cinderella-esque gown that had made her giddy with excitement.

The Doctor had laughed and swept her into his arms, declaring it was his dance, and they danced until they sat down, her skirts fluffing out around her, breathless with the dancing and the laughter.  Rose found she had to clear her throat at the memory.  She missed the way the Doctor was, in the way he was not reserved.  John was careful, the Doctor was bold.  And she loved them both.

She found the dress shop with relative ease, deciding not to go back to the TARDIS after all the memories she and the Doctor shared there nearly crushed her.  She only had to ask two people where the shop was, and told the woman there that she had no idea what to wear to this dance. "I've never been to one," she explained quickly, trying not to give anything away.

The woman nodded with understanding and a little bit of sympathy.  "Are you against anything... Form fitting?"

"No, that's alright, I'm spoken for anyways," she said, waving him off.  "He won’t mind.  What do you recommend?"

The woman showed Rose a black, white, and gold gown with what looked like stenciling along certain parts of it, and a golden rosette at the waist that any woman in Rose's time would've called hideous, but Rose found she was rather fond of it.  The saleswoman helped her try it on, and it fit Rose beautifully, somehow being modest in accentuating the curve of her waist and hips. 

It shimmered in the gentle light and she smoothed her hands over it.  The little rose on it made her smile a little. It was rare she wore her namesake, or received roses at all, because people assumed she hated them.  She really didn’t.

She examined the dress in the mirror (a very hard to come by item, she leaned), and smiled at how she looked, eager to see what John thought of it.  He would probably joke about the rose and make sure to kiss her before they went to the dance.

It wasn’t tight enough that it looked indecent, but it still showed the shape of her in a way that was tasteful.  She nodded, almost to herself.  Yes, this would do very nicely.  John would say the same thing.

No, she shouldn't think things like that.  But she did.

"I think I'll buy it, thank you," Rose nodded and smiled.The woman smiled at her, probably delighted about the commission, and gushed about how she looked in it.

Of course, after working at Henrik’s for so long, Rose knew enough about saleswomen to know that what she was saying was mostly pretty talk, to get her to buy the dress.  If she wasn't so pleased with it, she would've declined the woman right there.

The saleswoman packed up the dress for Rose and she took it gratefully, smiling and thanking the woman for her kindness.  She admitted to herself that she would've prefer the dress were more full or extravagant, but she was a married woman, after all, so it made sense that she would have something more flat looking and subdued.  Something in the back of her mind still hoped that John liked how she looked in it.

Rose allowed herself to browse because there was some leftovers from the  money that John had given her, but she stopped short of buying anything because she knew how hard he had worked for the money.  John did not have the unlimited credit stick like the Doctor did, and she would always respect that.

Maybe not always, because John wouldn't always be around.  She found herself feeling a pang in her gut whenever she thought about the fact that he would be gone soon.

She stopped short of her thoughts when she noticed a man standing in front of her who was (or so she suspected) a member of the Family. 

She sniffed resolutely and walked quickly to him and slammed into his shoulder "by accident".  She always remembered that bit happening in quotes because pretty much anything Rose Tyler did was intentional.  Except fall in love with a nine hundred year old alien and then his thirty something human self, but that was something else entirely.

 "Goodness," she said in a forced sort of way, helping the man right himself.  He seemed awkward in his own body.  It wasn’t his body, Rose reminded herself.  He’d stolen this one, or at the very least, was transformed in some way.  She hadn’t seen the family at all, but she had a feeling that they weren’t regular old humanoids.  "I'm so sorry." She apologized, stepping back.

He gave her a look that was all daggers for a moment, but quickly softened into something more human.  However, it didn't soften quickly enough for her to not notice.  Rose was too quick for that, having traveled with the Doctor for so long.  She narrowed her eyes a little as a fake smile crawled across his face.  

"Quite all right, ma'am.  I haven't seen you around town.  Have you just arrived?"  His voice was slow and sounded smooth.  She wondered if the choice was intentional.

She nodded.  "My husband's got a new job here, we're very new."  She was careful not to tell the man  _ where  _ her husband’s job was, but she had a feeling that if this man was asking, he already knew.  She tried not to chew her bottom lip nervously, instead pursing her mouth and watching him.

The man forced another smile, confirming Rose's suspicions in her own mind.  "I wish you the best, the both of you.  Welcome."  His cold eyes stared into hers and she did not break eye contact, watching him carefully in case he decided to lunge at her.

"Thank you very much, sir.  I hope to see you around town again," she smiled kindly and sent him a smile that she hoped at least looked meaningful, but not enough that would make him suspicious enough to follow her. 

Still, the idea gave her a touch of anxiety and she darted away into the bustling crowd that was the rest of the town, feeling the man's, or alien's rather, gaze bore into the back of her neck.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of John's POV in this chapter because he is a sweet angel

Against any better judgment, Rose turned around when she no longer felt the man's eyes on her and started to follow him.  It was a poor decision, yes, but know thy enemy, and all that, was in play for her.  Especially since she didn’t have back up on this particular trip.  She was going to have to be the master of the situation.    
  
The Family member seemed to be doing his daily shopping, slipping around town, chatting people up, that sort of thing.  It was all too familiar, all too normal, and Rose started to wonder if she had been wrong.  He seemed like just a normal man, just doing what anyone would do.  She chewed on her thumb and felt her brow furrow almost painfully.   
  
She was only confirmed when he ran into someone and hissed at the poor woman.     
  
Rose followed the man into a general store, pretending to look through the penny candies as he talked to the woman at the massive check out desk.   
  
"I'm looking for a man called the Doctor," he said, in a low voice, causing Rose's ears to perk up, and her heart rate to quicken.  She tried desperately to not let the man's words affect her too terribly.  She couldn't give herself or the Doctor away, even if she wanted to tear back to the school and hug him until they were both safe based on sheer willpower alone..   
  
"There's an apothecary on the edge of town," the woman suggested, completely oblivious.  "If someone you know is ill, he can help."   
  
"No," the Family member shook his head vigorously.  "I'm looking for a man who goes by the name of the Doctor."   
  
"A man whose given name is 'Doctor'?" the woman wrinkled her nose.  "No, I've not seen or heard of anyone by that name."   
  
The man whirled around and noticed Rose, approaching her quickly and startling her.  "You, ma'am?  Have you met the Doctor?"   
  
Rose quickly shifted through the tactics she could use to protect the Doctor.  Things like "Oh, I met him once, he lives in India now, missionary work and all that," or "What a ridiculous name that is!" or "Doctor who?"   
  
She decided to play dumb, it was the only way to keep her daft alien safe.  She furrowed her brows and cocked her head at the man, trying desperately to keep her breathing even as her hands shook at her sides.  "I've only been here a short time, sir.  I've not met many people, but I think I would know if there was a man called the Doctor around here.  Wouldn't I?"   
  
Her question was directed towards the woman behind the desk, who nodded.  "Anyone with an odd name or trait is known about within hours of arrival.  We would have spread this Doctor around like wild fire," she smiled.   
  
"I suppose so," Rose said casually.  "Maybe you'd better try a different town for this Doctor."   
  
The man shook his head again, mumbling "He's here, he landed here," before remembering where he was.  "I apologize," he said awkwardly.  "I'll... Search elsewhere.  Thank you," and he disappeared out the door so fast that Rose knew he had to be an alien.

  
"Well, he was an odd one," the woman at the counter said wonderingly.   
  
Rose nodded in agreement, her heart rate slowing a little.  "Yes, he certainly was."   
  
She made small talk with the woman for a moment before excusing herself.  She ducked into an alley where she could dry heave in peace.     
  
He was in so much danger, her Doctor.  They knew he was here, they knew, and nothing she had said to that man would've convinced him otherwise, she knew that.  They would keep on, sniffing around and getting in her way, destroying her life one brick at a time.

  
They weren't leaving.  They'd keep looking, they had to, because for some reason, he was the only thing that could keep them alive.  She fumbled for her pocket to make sure the fob watch was still there, heaving a giant sigh of relief when she touched the cool metal.  She pressed her lips to the time piece, her breath warming it.  She closed her eyes and tried to focus in and keep her wits about her.  It was what she was going to need, after all.

  
She drew her shaking hand back and placed a palm on her forehead, wiping the cold sweat from her brow.  A sudden urge to go check on John was thrust upon her, and she started back through the town through the school.

  
Yes, he'd obviously be teaching, but he didn't need to see that she was there.  She'd peek in through the door, that was all.  Forgoing decency, she hitched up her skirts and started running towards the school, apologizing over her shoulder to anyone she brushed.   
  
She heard whispers of "John Smith's mad wife," behind her, but she couldn't stop.  People were rude, that wasn’t the point, that could never be the point again.  She had to make sure he was alright.   
  
She burst into the school panting and sweating, asking children who were walking past if they knew where Mr. Smith's room was.  The older boys furrowed their brows with worry and asked if she was alright, and when she emphatically nodded, they seemed to accept it.   
Not that they had much choice.

“Yeah, take me to him, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

  
A boy who looked to be about sixteen directed her and Rose peered in the classroom to see John teaching, his voice animated, with hand gestures that would make the Doctor proud.    
  
Rose sighed, closing her eyes and willing her breathing to slow.  "Thank you," she whispered.  The boy gave her a very odd look before saying "You're welcome, ma'am," and disappearing to his next class.   
  
She assumed that John hadn't seen her as she turned away to go back up to their room and maybe take a quick nap, but she heard the door open and close behind her as someone exited.   
  
A gentle hand settled on her shoulder, and she heard his concerned voice at her ear "Rose.  Are you alright?"   
  
She turned slowly, knowing the panic would be clear to him in her face, and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face to his chest.  She felt the gentle beating of his heart and it calmed her, if only slightly.  The weight of his hands on her back was reassuring and after a few moments of her not moving, he began to grow restless.  He rubbed a hand up and down her back, the other across her shoulders, trying to settle her down.   
  
"Rose, what happened here?" He asked gently.  “Are you alright?” He repeated.   
  
"Was just worried about you, that's all."  She mumbled, not wanting to make him worried, but she had to realize that he was probably already worried for her.     
  
He laughed, a good sound that gave her all sorts of relief and joy, and she allowed herself to sink further into him.  "It was your turn to be worried, wasn't it?"  He teased her, his chin nudging her hair.   
  
She actually let out a laugh of her own at that, a real laugh, because it certainly was her turn after the fright she gave him.  She pulled away and smiled up at him.  "I suppose it was." She said softly.

“Why were you worried?” He asked her, pulling away from her all the way, letting his hands hang at his sides.

She wiped her nose with her sleeve, not realizing that she had been so near tears, and shrugged. “I-” she couldn’t tell him.  She grit her teeth and shifted her weight.  She didn’t want to worry him again. “It’s nothing,” she said finally, trying not to wring her hands in front of her, “I just… I didn’t want you to be alone here.”

He smiled, “Rose.  I’m alright, really.  I’m more concerned about you.”

“M’okay,” She told him.  “Don’t worry about me.”

He brushed a piece of hair damp from sweat back from her forehead. “And you’re sure you’re alright?” He asked her.

“Yeah.  _ Yes.   _ I’m okay now.  Just needed to see you, that’s all.”

  
"If you say so,” he cocked his head and regarded her carefully.  “See you tonight," he said quietly, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.  "I've about two more hours of teaching left.  Alright?"   
  
She nodded. "Alright," she mimicked back to him, and he gave her a comforting smile before stroking her cheek and disappearing back into the classroom. She realized that he couldn’t give her anything else because his students were probably watching. They’d have enough to talk about with her flying in here, half hysterical.  She didn't need to be starting up the rumor mill, she was trying to have them keep a low profile, after all.  She closed her eyes and breathed out for a long time through her nose before climbing back up the stairs to their room.  She took her time getting there, not sure she wanted to reach it.   
  
She had to protect the Doctor.  The thought ran through and through her head like a mantra, a chant.  She couldn’t let her guard down, for both of their sakes.  Not protecting him had never been an option, to not, but now she knew she had to keep a close eye on him.     
  
After shutting the door to their room behind her, she hung up the gown she had forgot she had been carrying.  She suddenly felt weary, from her run and from a day covered in layers in the sun.  She took off her gown so she was wearing her shift.  She could change into a fresh one before bed, but for now, he needed to be out of all the restrictive clothing.

She kicked off her shoes and laid on her side on the bed, not realizing she was falling asleep until she woke up later.

****

John had a bit of trouble focusing after his wife had come to see him.  She had looked panicked, her eyes blown wide, like she’d seen trouble, as she always looked during his dreams.  The odd dreams where she wore  _ denim  _ and hot pink cotton.  He was confused by it, her expression and her fear.

He rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger as the children did book work. He presumed that she had gone upstairs, but he wondered what had happened to her while she was in town to warrant such anxiety.  She held a bag in the crook of her arm, telling him that she had perchance purchased something for the dance.

At least, perhaps, she had had a happy moment before she panicked.  He wanted to know what caused it, though. 

It was no secret, not to her or himself, that he was positively in love with her, and loved her more than anything else in his world.  She was important to him, and he worried for her sanity after a day like this.  He felt that he needed to be with her, but unfortunately, he had to finish here first.

Just like his dreams though, and the rest of his days, she commanded his thoughts, and once she was in his mind, he couldn’t get her out.  Except, it would appear, he had a very dirty mind, because she was always scantily clad in his dreams, but he was the only one that noticed. 

He huffed to himself as he tried to push that thought out of his head.  He knew he was not the only one that noticed Rose.  She drew a lot of attention to herself without even realizing it.  The older students looked at her too, heads turning as she walked down the hall. And she never noticed.  Maybe it was because she only had eyes for him, he tried to tell himself.  Yes, that had to be it.  She loved him, he knew she did.  He would never question that.  She kissed him like she loved him, held him like she loved him.  He  _ knew  _ that she loved him. 

And oh, he loved her.  He could not imagine a life without Rose Tyler.  He chewed on his thumb and tried to focus on his work.  He was trying to grade papers, but he couldn’t keep his thoughts off his wife upstairs.  Unfortunately, he could not shirk his duties. 

He would simply have to wait until he was done to go see her.  And when he did- well, he would have to keep those thoughts to himself until he went upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the earliest I've ever posted, and I hope it doesn't deter any of you from reading at all!! I was just very excited to post this.
> 
> A lot of you guys mentioned that you liked John's POV, so I put a bit of his viewpoint at the end of this chapter too 
> 
> (And since Rose's dungaree dress was mentioned in the comments as well, so of COURSE John would have something to say, or think, about it.

A whisper in the dark, reaching, close,  _ close,  _ but just out of arm’s reach.  Close enough that she knew exactly who was speaking.  She would know that voice anywhere, and she felt herself swimming up towards it.

 

"Rose."   
  
His tenor voice, like a whisper, across her subconscious.  Lying in a bed that really wasn't hers and driving to Norway.  A place called Canary Warf.  An alternate ending.  An alternate universe.  An end that never came about because something  _ stopped it _ _. _   
  
The Doctor had said that it was normal for someone who had sucked as much power as she had to experience timelines that might have been.  Sort of a more extreme case of deja vu, so to speak.  She had never experienced it, but now she could still remember and feel it as though it was happening.

  
After hearing her name a couple more times, she realized it wasn't the timeline that she had been viewing anymore but someone gently shaking her shoulder and trying to wake her.   
  
She opened her eyes wearily, blinking a couple times, and turned her head to the side to see John sitting next to her, an incredibly worried expression on his face.  His hair was more tousled than usual and his tie was loose.  He looked like he had been waiting for her to wake up for awhile.now.  She suddenly felt guilty for sleeping so long, even though it wasn’t like it was her fault or anything.     
  
"Are you all right?"  He asked quietly, shifting closer to her.  "It's dark out.  You slept till sunset."  He searched her eyes for any sign of upset.   
  
She sat up slowly, leaning against the headboard and wincing at her oncoming headache. He scrambled to help her, a soothing hand rubbing her back.  He watched her carefully and his free hand touched her leg tentatively

 

Somehow, she managed a smile back at him, because after all, he was alive, and she had been worried that he would be in trouble. Nodding, she tried to reassure him.  "Yeah, m'alright, just had a... A long day.  That’s all.”   
  
John leaned forward a little bit more and felt her forehead, his touch tender, and walked to the table before returning with a bowl of soup.  He settled it delicately into her lap and she held it carefully.  He ran his hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face.  She smiled at him and he returned it tentatively.   
  
"I requested this for you," he said, "Didn't know if you'd be up for a full meal, the way you were sleeping.  You looked a little sick,” he lowered his voice, “I was worried.”

  
Rose offered him a weak smile and took the bowl from him.  "Thank you."   
  
"Are you sure you're alright?"   
  
She sipped the lukewarm soup and nodded.  "I'm just so tired," she whispered into another spoonful of soup.  "Guess I didn't realize it till I laid down."   
  
John smiled at her.  "You wouldn't, you busy woman."  The grin faded from his face.  "I shouldn't have kept you up reading all those nights... You needed sleep."   
  
"No, John, I like reading with you," she said hastily, wanting to reach out to him, but not wanting the soup to spill everywhere..  "It's my favorite part of the night, that spending time with you," she paused to take another sip of soup and watched him again.  "Why don't we try changing and then reading in bed?" She asked, her voice almost desperate now, desperate not to lose this time with him.  "I have to put a new nightgown on, this one’s dirty, and then we’ll get in bed.  That way if I fall asleep, it's alright."   
  
John nodded slowly.  "Alright.  Rose, if you don't feel well enough for that dance in two days-"   
  
"I'm going with you.  Already bought a dress and everything, so you can't stop me."  She grinned at him, trying to reassure him, even as she wasn’t sure what had happened to her since she’d come home.

  
He smiled at her, seeming to not be able to refuse her, and nodded.  "If you want, but we can leave early if you like."   
  
She asked him to tell her about his day and he did, enthusing about his more clever students and telling her about the potential he saw in students who didn't work as hard.  He really saw the good in everyone, even those who weren't good.    
  
When she'd finished her soup, he took the bowl from her and helped her stand and change into nightclothes.  She assumed it would be completely awkward, but she'd found it wasn't.  After all, they were married, and had the experience of married people.  She let herself hang onto him in the door of the wardrobe. He held her hand clasped in his as she wavered, for some reason dizzy, and pulled on her nightgown.  Maybe she really was sick.

  
He helped her back into bed and she shifted so he could settle in next to her after he himself changed.  He slid into bed next to her, leaning against the headboard and encouraging her to lie down as he read.   
  
She did, her arm slung across his thighs, her head rested on his hip.  It should have been uncomfortable, with as bony as this man was, but she liked being able to touch him and being able to be close to him.  She liked being allowed to have her hands on him, to sleep in the same bed as him.  

 

After a few moments of getting situated, he flipped open the book and started to read to her.  He held the book in one hand and stroked up and down her back with the other.  His hand came up to run through her hair, his thumb sometimes brushing over the corner of her eye or the apple of her cheek.  After a while of his soothing voice and gentle touch, he seemed to have a magic about him, and how he set about accidentally easing her into another fitful sleep.   
  
She heard his voice in her dreams; the Doctor's, not John’s.  And she found that somehow, she could still tell them apart.  .   
  
"Rose." Another whisper, almost like a crooked finger, beckoning her closer.

  
"Doctor?" Her own voice on an echo that she hadn’t been expecting, and it threw her off a little.   
  
"You can't open the watch yet."  This, a warning.   
  
"I know that."   
  
"Then why do you want to?"   
  
His voice seemed to fade into light as she responded, "Because I'm afraid  of what I feel for both of you."   
  
She was woken halfway up when John started to slide down in the bed, sensing she was asleep.  He was slow and careful in his movements, trying desperately hard not to wake her, so she pretended to still be asleep.  He rested his head on the pillow and she instinctively turned into him, cuddling up against his for warmth and security.   
  
He kissed her forehead, his arm still wrapped around her, though it was a little tighter now.  "Please be alright," he whispered, the urgency in her voice barely reaching her through her sleepy haze.  "Please don't be sick, Rose."  He kissed her forehead again, and she realized he was probably checking for a temperature.   
  
That was when she remembered that sicknesses in 1913 were not treated all that well, and without the help of the Doctor and the TARDIS, she would have a minimal chance of survival.  And she knew now that she was definitely sick.  She felt weighted and tired, and her breathing was slow.  He should really get away from her, or he might get sick too, and his human body wouldn’t stand a chance.   
  
However, she was too tired to think of that now, not with all this warmth around her.  She burrowed into his chest, feeling chilled, and he quietly murmured nothings into her hair as he pressed her close against him, the worry plain in his voice.   
  
"It's alright, Rose, you're going to be alright," he seemed to be convincing himself more than what he assumed was her sleeping form.   
  
She decided to believe him, even though she felt a little funny.  She wondered, through the oncoming cloud of sleep, if it had anything to do with meeting that member of the Family today...  He was suspicious, she knew that...  He had to be... Anything regarding the Doctor was supposed to make him suspicious.   
  
The Doctor... She had to protect the Doctor... John... Doctor... Both of them...   
  
The names mushed together in her equally mushy head as she got more confused and the haze of sleep became more unnatural and she started to understand that she was very, very sick indeed.  Whether the Family Member had caused it or not, she wouldn't be leaving her bed for awhile.   
  
She stopped John's mutterings of comfort when she accidentally inhaled sharply and whispered "Love you," to him before wrapping her arm around him more soundly.   
  
She felt him smile against her hair as he whispered back, "I love you too, Rose.  Get some sleep now, alright?"   
  
She nodded, her eyes not having opened once.  "I will," she promised, her voice soft.  And sleep engulfed her like a warm blanket.

 

***

John sat awake as she slept, even though he knew he should get some rest as well.  He was too worried about Rose to even close his eyes, though.  He pulled back only slightly in her grasp so he could look down into her face.

 

She was clearly overheated and clearly in need of rest.  He touched her cheek gently, feeling the warmth there.  This wasn’t fair.  She should be well, they hadn’t been here that long.  How could she already be sick?

 

Oh, he loved her.  Whether she knew it or not (and he was quite certain she did) she meant everything to him, and he was going to do everything in the world to keep her safe.  That was the reason he didn’t understand her jealousy towards the nurse. Surely she had to know that he would never pick anyone over her.  No one could mean what she did.  She was his reason for living, in a way, and he adored her with every part of himself.

 

He would never cheat, and he was worried that she thought that.  She wasn’t planning on leaving him, was she?  No, she couldn’t.  She still looked at him like she loved him, and held him like she loved him, and… Well, he blushed.

 

No, he convinced himself, she loved him just as she always had.  He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, letting his eyes flutter shut.  He wasn’t sure what he was trying to do, but it felt like a natural movement.  

 

There was something that made him feel like he wasn’t sure who he was anymore, and the only thing that made sense in his life was Rose, and he needed her.

 

He was aware that he was nothing without her, only the empty shell of a man who was a teacher, but nothing else.  This woman meant the world to him, and he let his mind wander to the odd dreams that he had been having.

 

She wore the strangest things, in those dreams. In the most recent one, she had been wearing a very,  _ very short  _ dress made out of an odd heavy fabric and black stockings.  He didn’t understand any of the things she wore, but his reaction was always the same, especially with this one.  He found it very attractive, and that was to say the very least. When he had woken up from the dream, which included lots of him standing close to her and holding her hand in his (and  _ nothing  _ else) he had to restrain himself from jumping her.

 

However, she had been sleeping, and he was a gentleman, so he had only cuddled her and forced down his emotions enough to go back to sleep.  And if she had cuddled him a little closer, well, it only made his pride swell in the thought that she liked being close to him.

 

He borrowed words that he wasn’t sure were his when he thought she was “dead sexy”.  He blushed just thinking them, as he didn’t know where they’d come from.  Well, either way, she was his wife, and he had enough carnal knowledge of her to be allowed to think that way of her, and if any other man did, well, he’d have their heads.  That was just the way he operated.  

 

Parts of him wondered where the jealous streak had come from, but well, there it was.  He curled his hand into her waist and tried desperately to fall asleep, which was difficult to do now that he was thinking about her so closely. 

  
After a few more minutes of worrying after her health and a few more  _ warring emotions,  _ he followed his beloved into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	17. Chapter 17

When Rose awoke, this time in the morning, she felt a bit better than she had the day before, but the dizziness and fogginess still remained, making her wonder if the Family member had put some sort of 24 hour bug on her to hinder her.  It seemed plausible enough, because if a perfectly healthy young woman dropped dead with no signs of illness beforehand, pretty much everyone would be suspicious of it.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she'd probably be alright, but she wouldn't be 'up to par' so to speak, today.  She'd have to stay in bed if she wanted to go to that dance with John, and she found that she did.  Not only to spend time with him, but to investigate.  One of the Family members was a teacher, and would certainly be at the event.  At the very least, she wouldn't be surprised if the woman was there.

She  _ was _ surprised, however, that she woke in John's arms.  She looked up and saw that he was awake and fondly watching over her, his face creased in worry.

 "Hello," she whispered to him.  She noted that even her voice sounded sick.

"Hello," he replied softly, delicately, his eyes searching hers.  "How are you feeling?" he asked, cupping her cheek in his hand in a moment so tender that she thought she could get drunk on it.  If she wasn’t already feeling a little drunk because she was sick.

"A little better," she admitted.  "I'm just dizzy, I'll be fine, really.  You didn’t have to stay.  But John, shouldn't you be-?"

"Teaching?  Took the day off, said you were sick, the staff agreed I should be with you. He searched her eyes. “Don’t worry, I have a substitute in place, it’s not a problem.  I want to take care of you, Rose, alright?"

The words made her feel so warm inside that she couldn't repress the smile that crawled across her face.  "Alright." She said, not able to refuse him, not that she wanted to.  It was nice to have him worry about her, and want to stay close.

He kissed the top of her head, lingering there for just a moment, his hand stroking down her hair.  "Get some more sleep, love."

Had it been under any other circumstances, she would've ordered John to leave the bed so he didn't get sick, but she had a feeling she wasn't contagious, that this sickness was meant just for her, to hinder just her.  

She had had a flash of a thought of pregnancy, but even with 1913 looming over them, she  _ had  _ been taking her pills, so it was highly unlikely.  Of course, she had to hide them from John, so she may have missed one, but she wasn’t sure if that was enough to cause an  _ incident.   _ And if it did, well, then her relationship with the Doctor would be in serious trouble.

It didn’t feel like that, though, not that she knew what a pregnancy felt like.  She felt like she had the flu, something just enough to incapacitate her. That made more sense in the grand scheme of things, and even though it frightened her, it meant that for now John was safe. 

"Don't think I'll forget about that dance," she mumbled into his chest.  "I'm going and you can't stop me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he laughed.  “Could never stop you doing anything you wanted to do.”

She smiled. At least he remembered that much about any former relationship that they had before he became John.  She cuddled closer to him and let him continue to run his fingers through her hair.  When she had been with Mickey, he’d only done something like this once, but he was too rough with the knots that formed in her hair and she told him she didn't want him getting her hair greasy so he would stop.

John touched her with an infinite gentleness so different from that. When he discovered a knot, he would untangle it quietly and painlessly and then resume the stroking motions that were quickly taking her back into unconsciousness.  She felt so  _ relaxed  _ with him, like she did with the Doctor, except now she was allowed to share the intimacy of a shared bed and the stroking of fingers through hair without questioning what things would be like the next morning. 

The next morning, though, he would be gone.  Metaphorically speaking, of course, but still.  Gone, without a trace. She’d be left to pick up the pieces and it hurt that she wasn’t sure the Doctor would help her do it.

Even with her constant worry, the foggy sleep encased her again without any trouble, dragging her firmly down.

When she ‘woke up’, she was in her bed on the TARIDS, and that's how she knew she was still dreaming.  She was also  _ alone,  _ which meant John wasn’t present in this dream.  Now completely lucid, she pushed the pink duvet off of her and climbed out of bed, going instinctively to search for the Doctor.

She was amazed at how much of the TARDIS had been logged into her subconscious.  She passed the galley ("A galley, Rose, since we're on a ship, not a kitchen" the Doctor had said when she had first made that mistake), the swimming pool, and the library.  She stopped there for a moment.  It was one of the Doctor’s favorite places, and he even had a desk stacked high with papers.  She once asked him what he even did with a desk and he had pushed his glasses up on his face and said “certainly not taxes”.  At some point, she took a peek and saw they were Torchwood documents from a very long time ago.  She had smiled.  Even Time Lords procrastinate, apparently.

Eventually, after she shook her memories from her mind, letting them dissipate, her wanderings led her to the console room, where the Doctor was standing with his back to her.  He was fiddling with the controls, but not touching anything with any purpose, making it look like he had his mind on something else entirely.  

He ran a hand through his hair and continued his fiddling, and still she stood, feeling unable to go to him, her feet rooted to the stop.  She  _ could  _ move, surely, but she didn’t. She just stood, staring at him, remembering his regular suit and the way his hair stuck up all over the place.  It was normal,  _ far  _ too normal, but it all felt foreign now, and she felt like she was looking at the wrong man.

Her own hesitation to go to him surprised her, because she so badly wanted to run up and hug him, and tell him she missed him and...  She couldn't.  Something was holding her back, and she needed him to speak first,  _ please,  _ you first, she thought to herself. 

He didn't look at her, but he seemed to have read her dream-mind as he lifted his head, looking at the Time Rotor.  "Rose."  His voice was soft and she had forgotten how there was a little bit of difference to how he and John each said her name, and the circumstances under which the man said it.

She breathed a sigh of relief, because at the very least, he didn't sound angry at her.  "Doctor." Was the only reply, and she hoped her voice showed him everything that she couldn’t tell him with the spoken word.

"You can't open the watch yet," the Doctor said firmly, still not facing her. 

Rose closed her eyes.  She'd had this dream before.  Playing along, she said confidently, perhaps more confidently than she actually felt: "I know."

"Then why do you want to?" His voice was curious and she wished that he would look at her, so she could see his face and feel like she wasn’t an intruder in their own home.  She wrung her hands, not wanting to look at him, but mustering up the courage to do so, quite literally, because she must.

"Do you really want to know?"  She asked finally, her tone wavering slightly.

Deterring from the original dream seemed to be just the thing, because the Doctor turned to face her, a surprised look on his face. She breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw the look on his face.  He looked as beautiful as she remembered, so different from John and yet so wildly similar. "Yes, Rose,” he said softly, drawing her out in a way that only he could do, “I do."

With new found dream-courage, she walked towards him and framed his face with her hands.  "Because I miss you, Doctor, but I like having him around, and I shouldn't like having him around, because he's not you, and you're the one that I-"  She clamped her mouth shut.  She’d let the words slip to John numerous times, but she couldn’t say anything to the Doctor.  She stroked her thumbs over the apples of his cheeks and he smiled a little, stepping closer to her. 

"I'm the one you what, Rose?"  The Doctor asked quietly, the familiar intelligence in his eyes searching hers.  She didn’t even want to tell him in her dreams because somehow, he would know, or she’d tell him in person, once he came back.  She wouldn’t be able to stop it then, like she couldn't stop how she felt for him.

Closing her eyes for strength, she managed to drop her hands from his face and stepped back, sagging a little. She could tell the touch  hadn’t been real, just how it had felt, and somehow, that made her hurt even more.  She couldn’t look at him when she spoke, her knowledge of being inside her own dream actually making her confidence waver. "You  _ know _ , Doctor.  You've always known and I don't think it matters to you at all."

He leaned against the console, a thoughtful look on his face.  "I do believe you're wrong, because you matter to me, and therefore your thoughts and emotions matter to me as well.  You know that."

"You're a dream."  She said tearfully.  “You’re just making it up because I told my brain to do it.”

"But you know me enough to know how I would react to this conversation, Rose," he smiled at her, a smile different from John's, but such a good smile that she had to smile back. She’d missed it.  "You're my best mate and I will always care about you."  His voice was so earnest that she was forced to believe him, and she dashed the tears away from where they had been gathering in her eyes.

"But you'll never do what he does, Doctor, and I know that.  You’ll never feel what he feels."  Rose said quietly, wringing her hands.  "I know you can't, or won't, or whatever, and I have to accept that, but I'm being... Teased with him."

"Blame my subconscious, Rose," The Doctor shrugged, "I told you that it would place you as a role in my life.  It could've chosen maid, scribe, assistant, mistress, personal... I don't know," he stopped for a moment and focused his gaze on her, making Rose feel as though she might spontaneously combust.  "But I chose wife.  Tell me what you think of that." The tone of his voice lowered and she shivered.  She had heard him speak like this, only when someone was in danger, but it felt different, this time, the way she was directing it at herself.

"That doesn't mean anything and you know it," Rose fought back even more irrational tears.  "It doesn't!  Your subconscious probably just sifted through titles and picked one at random.  Don't tell me otherwise."

"It's your dream, Rose," the Doctor replied.  "You know what you want me to say, what you want me to do, but you're not making me say it or do it," he cocked his head, eyes boring into hers and eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"

Rose pondered that for a moment.  Why wasn't she making him confess love, or hold her, or kiss her, or make her feel as wanted as John did?  For a few minutes she couldn't answer his question, just sat staring at him in the TARDIS console room, the hum of the ship radiating through her.

She cracked her knuckles, trying to calm herself.  He was still staring at her, and  _ God  _ she ached for this man. But she couldn’t force him, couldn’t do it.  It wasn’t fair, even in a dream, and it would, somehow, feel like cheating.  Besides the fact that she had a pretty good understanding of the things the Doctor felt.

She heaved a heavy sigh, expelling it harshly through her nose and averting her gaze from the Doctor.  Gathering courage, she turned to him again.  "I'm not making you tell me you love me, Doctor, because you don't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you were worried because you thought Rose might be pregnant, I hope I cleared that up here. It was almost part of the story, but I didn't want it to be something that was going to become an issue between the Doctor and Rose when he comes back, since the baby would be 100% human and technically John's and ah! it's all very confusing.
> 
> Please review?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked how many chapters there were gonna be, and i said about 20 because that's what I remembered.... It's 28 or 29 in actuality, so it's a bit longer, but I hope you guys are all still enjoying it!

Rose's dreams of the Doctor and John continued all day while she slept, warring in her head for what felt like forever.  Sometimes she was aware that she was dreaming and sometimes she wasn’t.  They were fever dreams, and some of them didn’t make sense, and by the time she woke up she was confused that she was in John's arms.  Luckily, he took it as her just being very ill and promised her that he was there with her.

“Better?” he whispered to her, backing away from her. 

She closed her eyes and nodded.  “Yeah,” she murmured, “A little bit.”

He sighed and stroked his hand down her back, “That’s good.

She burrowed into his chest, chasing his warmth, and wrapping her arms tight around him.  “Aren’t you bored?” She asked him, “You’ve been laying in bed with me all day.”  

He made a gasped sound of surprise.  “Are you insinuating that I could be bored laying in bed with my beautiful wife?”

She giggled and felt herself blush, her eyes closing.  “No, but you must be bored, laying around all day.  You’re a very active man, John.”

He kissed the crown of her head and tugged the sheets up closer around her.  “I can also make my brain active,” he told her, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve been dozing a bit too.”

She almost forgot he was human and would need just as much sleep as her now. She wasn’t exactly used to that. She chewed her bottom lip and nodded against him.  “Yeah,” she murmured, “I guess you’re right.”

He hadn’t questioned her speech patterns yet, and she had a feeling it was because of the dreams he’d been having.  Oh, he hadn’t told her of those recently.  She wondered if he was still having them.  

Wondering, she squeezed him a little tighter.  “Tell me about your dreams,” she said, feeling her eyelashes brush his chest as she blinked and then let her eyes fall closed.

He shifted uncomfortably. “Now, Rose, when I say you’re inappropriately dressed in my dreams, you really are.  And I’m not… Objectifying you, but my subconscious must be doing it.  But we fought a werewolf the other night, and you were brilliant, as usual.”

“So were you, I’ll bet,” she said softly, grinning as she thought about the first part of his statement.  “So, you been having naughty dreams, have you?”

“What?  Noo,” he said slowly, almost like he was trying to convince himself.  “I have not.  I mean, well, not really, we haven’t, I mean- go to bed.”

She giggled.  “It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“Oh, well, good.”

“As long as I’m the only one,” she said, only half teasing when she said it. 

He chuckled, the sound rumbling pleasantly through her.  “Always, my Rose,” he said softly, the intensity of his voice surprising her.

They spent the rest of the day in bed, with him feeding her soup at every meal before he ate his own.  Eventually, by dinner, she was sitting up and eating herself, a little bit of meat and bread on the side with her soup while he ate a still much heartier meal.  

“Are you sure you can go to the dance?” He asked, “You seem much better, dear, but I don’t want to rush you.”

“Not rushing,” she shook her head. “I’d still like to go, and I’m feeling better.  Just need a good night’s sleep, I think.”

He seemed worried, still, but he nodded, letting it slip for the moment.  “Of course,” he said, “It’ll all be fine, but remember what I said.”

“About leaving early?”

“Yes.”

She smiled.  “You worry too much.  But yes, we’ll figure out leaving early, if we want to leave early, when we get there.”

She wanted to stick around to see what was going on before they left, though.  She knew something was wrong, and she was going to find out exactly what it was.  She had to, for the Doctor and for herself.  

That night he crawled into bed with her and she was surprised that she was able to drop right off to sleep to the occasional kisses that he was pressing to her hair.

She was certain she had never been loved like this before.

******

She was correct in assuming that she had a sickness placed on her, and that it wasn’t a  _ real  _ sickness.  Her dizziness and foggy feeling left her the day of the dance, and even though John suspected she was lying about feeling all the way better, she pointed a finger at him and told him not to worry about her.

He was dressed very smartly in a suit that he looked so good in and was so old fashioned that she thought she might explode.  It was more similar to his pinstriped suit, even though it absolutely did not fit that description, and he wore tattered dress shoes, as though they were his Sunday best and he had worn them for ages. The TARDIS really didn’t miss a beat. 

She watched as he adjusted the tie he wore and smoothed his hair down.  The action didn’t fit him, in a way. It still stuck up a bit though, like his hair itself was sentient and revolting against being pressed down onto his head.  She kept looking at him until she realized that she should probably put herself together on some level. 

She rose up from her perch on the bed and he turned his attention to her immediately, eyes soft and searching. He was always watching her, for a sign that something was wrong or even that something was right. 

"Hang on, I'll change," she beamed at him and disappeared into the en suite bathroom. 

The gown fit her like a dream, and she was quite pleased with it.  She loved wearing period clothing, but now she was so immersed in the everyday boring frocks that the women here wore that something fancy was nothing short of extraordinary.  

It was a bit more usual to the things she was aware of, a little tighter on the hips then a lot of other clothes that she ever wore here.  It wasn’t indecent by any standards, but it would certainly draw eyes to her.

She pinned her hair up, an updo she wasn't sure she could do until she actually sat down and did it, and brought a single piece of hair down to curl next to her face.  There was no makeup involved, but she was still pleased with the outcome of her look.  She always felt her eyes looked bland with no eyeliner or mascara, but the way John usually looked at her seemed to suck those thoughts right out of her head.

Trying to get a look at her whole body in the small hand mirror she had was impossible, but eventually she got a good enough look to nod with satisfaction.  It would do.

She stepped into the black shoes that she had deemed "good enough" since they would be covered by her dress anyways, and stepped out to meet John. 

He stood up from his seat on the couch and his eyes travelled over her, his eyes tender and full of love.  He returned his gaze to hers and smiled brightly.  "You look beautiful." He said, sounding almost like he was in awe.

She returned his smile.  "You're just saying that because you need a date," she teased, walking forward to straighten the bow-ish tie he was wearing, as if he hadn’t fiddled with it enough.  It was more like a tweed ribbon, now that she thought about it.  But it was crooked, and she was a wife, and by God, she was going to straighten it!

She almost laughed at the whole domestic appeal of it.  The Doctor would have been sprinting in the other direction at top speed.

His hands settled on her hips while she fixed his tie, and he ran his hands up and down her sides.  "I mean it," he said quietly.  "You're beautiful."

She looked up at him and cupped his face in her hands.  "You are too," she replied, surprised at how gentle her voice was when she pulled him down to kiss him.

One of his arms wrapped the full way around her waist, pulling her against him.  Eventually he pulled away and pressed his face into the crook of her neck. "I was so worried when you were sick, Rose." He admitted lowly, “But you’re well, and… I was just so worried.”

"I know, I'm sorry," She whispered, resisting the urge to run her hand up through his hair, subconsciously wanting it to have a bit more shape to it.  "I can't seem to stop worrying you these days, can I?"

"It's not your fault," he said, pulling back to look at her again, his eyes searching.  "I know that."

"Good, you were making me feel guilty," she smiled, cupping his cheek with her hand.

He leaned into her touch, but never broke eye contact with her.  "Are you sure you're well enough to go?  I don't want you to relapse."

"I promised I'd go with you and I will," she said firmly.  "I’m not going to relapse, it was just a little bug, I’m sure.  Besides, we're just chaperoning, and how hard could that be?  We just have to make sure no one gets too friendly."

He grinned at her words.  "You might have to keep an eye on me around you, then."

She had to laugh.  Words like that coming out of a man so traditional it hurt were just amusing.  And she couldn't help but remember that he broke the rules of etiquette to say things like that to her and no one else.  It made her feel special in a way that she wasn’t willing to identify.

“You planning on getting friendly with me?”

He nodded enthusiastically, “Of course.  What else would I do with you in the building with me?”

“Your job, perhaps?”

“I do that five days out of the week. I am not, I repeat,  _ not,  _ going to mind my manners tonight.”  He kissed her forehead in a playful manner and she swatted him. 

“You’d have to wait till we’re back here,” she warned him.

“For you?” He said softly, voice turning tender, “I would wait forever.”

Unwarranted thoughts along the lines of "Take that, Joan", entered her head. She was surprised her jealousy hadn’t gotten her in trouble by now, especially since it was so clear that John belonged to her.

John held out his arm and she hooked hers through his as they walked down the stairs, straight out of the school, and to a barn like area that Rose didn't know the school had.  It must have been for events such as this.

"The boys were allowed to ask girls from town," John said as they approached, breaking their comfortable silence.  "I've never seen boys spring at the chance to go to the shops before," Rose laughed and he sent her a grin.  "I also didn't imagine so many of them would say yes."

Rose was used to clubbing, she would tell anyone that.  It wasn't that she was expecting that, because she knew where she was, but the music was just so gentle and yet so lively that she was completely taken off guard. 

Upon entering, a woman Rose recognized as a Family member greeted them, smiling a little too widely for it to be real.  "Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

He greeted the woman and Rose pressed her lips together, her fingers curled tighter around John’s arm.  She wasn’t about to let him out of her sight tonight.  They traveled around and said hello to every person around that John knew.  If they didn't know Rose, John gushed about her and told everyone how wonderful she was and exactly how understanding she had been about this whole thing.

As they entered the building, past the people who had all been milling about outside, she recognized every member of the Family, making her nervous to say the least.  The little girl was with a boy she knew was from John's ramblings of his classes, Lucas was alone in the corner, and the man of the Family was there, though Rose really couldn't figure out why.  This man wasn't a teacher, or even anyone involved with the school.  So why was he here?

Obviously to find the Doctor.  The thought made her tighten her grip on John's arm, and he patted her hand in reassurance.

The first couple of hours passed without incident.  John danced with her and looked after her, making sure she wasn’t in any pain and that she was still feeling well.  It was the most fun she had had since she’d come here with the Doctor, and she felt her anxiety start to ease away. 

He held her close when they danced, but not too close, not obnoxiously close.  He only kissed her forehead once, and it made her giggle, and she felt starved for his touch after that.  He didn't seem to want to talk to anybody else but her, even though he did exchange small talk with some other people every once in awhile.  She felt special and adored and for a moment, she forgot she was Rose Tyler, and she was Rose Smith, housewife to a man she adored.  Even though she wasn’t sure it would be appropriate, she let her fingers coast through the short hairs on the back of his neck.

Things were perfect, she felt like things were perfect with him,  _ he  _ was perfect, until the man of the Family stepped onto a makeshift stage and grinned, a grin that made him look quite like a maniac. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are surrounded." He said excitedly, and as if on cue several  _ scarecrows  _ entered the hall.  Living, animated scarecrows.  Rose protectively shoved John behind her, but being the man he was, he pulled her to his side.  If they were to face this, they were to face it together.

His hands curled into her dress and she felt his fear as everyone in the room cried out and scrambled about, confused and afraid. 

"Now, then," the Family member said as the screaming started to subside, replaced by blind panic.  The other members of the Family went to stand with him as he finished.  "Now, give us the Doctor and we will leave in peace."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely gobsmacked. I cannot believe how many of my FAVORITE AUTHORS are reading this fic!!! This including Skyler10, who is my actual favorite and is such a sweet human being who I love and AH! I love you guys <3

Rose shoved John behind her again, ignoring his indignant cry as he grasped at her.  He pulled her against him once more, trying to shield her just as much as she was doing to him.  She wanted to fight him on it, wanted to push him behind her again and scream at him for not doing what she wanted him to.  Instead, she bit her lip and tried not to bring attention to him.

"So, the Doctor," the teacher who was apparently Mrs. Laurens according to John, but a Family member to Rose, said, "We need the Doctor.  Anyone willing to provide him will live."  Her shark eyes scanned the crowd of frightened people, as no one could speak.

The attendees of the dance glanced around nervously at the menacing scarecrows around them.  All the doors were blocked; running would be completely futile.  Some held each other, some were quaking with fear, and some stood strong, trying to look tough. Oddly, it was the youngest boys that seemed to want to be the strongest, or at least seen as the strongest.

The daughter of the Family stepped forward.  "You give us the Doctor, or you die."  She whipped her head around to look at people who were cowering in the far corner of the room, "All of you."

Rose recognized Joan as one of the people cowering.  She suddenly felt bad for the woman and realized she’d not been herself in the past.  She had been rude and  _ jealous  _ and that was not who Rose Tyler was.  She clenched one of her fists at her sides.  That was going to stop now.  Well, if they ever got out of this, that was.

"No one?"  The father shrugged, acting nonchalant, though the tension in his shoulders would say otherwise.  "What do you think, son?"

Lucas stepped forward, though who was present in the eyes of the boy was not Lucas.  "Father, I say we burn them all."

"I do too!" The little girl cried. 

"As do I," the mother agreed, and the scarecrows began to advance.

“Does anyone want to tell us about the Doctor?” The Father shouted.  “We need him to survive, so that we may survive.  You must let us suck out his energy and destroy him so that we may live!”

The Family cackled and Rose felt her vision blur with terror.  The Scarecrows started to advance and she wrapped her arms around John’s middle from his side, so that if anything were to come towards him, she would feel it first.  That was her only goal. At the moment, Rose had no notion of self preservation, and didn’t care to.  He needed to be safe, and that was the end of it.

"Wait!" The little boy Rose recognized as Timothy stepped forward.  "I have the Doctor!" He said, his voice shaky but loud.

Rose whipped her head to stare at the child, her eyes wide.  She felt her heart pounding wildly in her chest, and she felt confusion flood through her at a sluggish rate.  How could he have the Doctor?  What did that mean?  There was no way for this little boy to even know about the Doctor, to begin with.  That in itself meant that something was wrong.  She pursed her lips and looked up at John, to make sure he was still going to keep quiet.  He was staring at Timothy, a look of confusion evident on his face.  So, that ruled out John telling the boy about the Doctor.

The scarecrows immediately stopped their movements as the Father held up a hand.  "What's that, child?" He asked, a wicked smile crawling up his face, making Rose’s stomach roll in repulsion and fear.  “Tell me how you came to have the Doctor?  Is he around here?”

The boy looked around, clearly frightened beyond belief, and Rose felt herself start to shake uncontrollably.

"It's just a story," she heard John muttering, his arms closing tightly around her, "They were just dreams, nothing more.  He isn’t here, not real."

Rose kept her eyes trained on Timothy as he gulped and stepped closer to the Family.  "He's in here," he said, and held up the fob watch in his outstretched palm.

How did he get that?  Crying out, Rose lurched out from John's arms and wrenched the boy so he was facing her.  "Where did you get that?" She hissed, trying to snatch it from him.  He pulled his hand back, though now he was cowering before  _ her  _ in fear and not the Family member.  And she couldn’t even blame him.  She felt the anger that burned her from the inside out and knew that he would probably be afraid enough to hand her the watch without much complaint.

"Y-your door was unlocked!" Timothy shouted.  "I was just looking for Mr. Smith so he could help me with the homework, and the watch started singing!"

"Don't be ridiculous, it doesn't sing.  And you had no business to be in our room," Rose forced a laugh and snatched the fob watch from the boy’s trembling fingers.  She turned to the Family.  "This boy is completely mad," she said, trying to sound convincing, "The Doctor doesn't exist, I'm sorry to disappoint you," she paused for a moment, gripping the watch tightly in her palm, "But the only Doctor we have in an apothecary in town."

"That's not true, don't listen to her!" Timothy shouted, his voice rising to a decibel Rose didn't find possible in his panic.  "That watch sang to me, it told me everything!"

"What do you mean, everything, young human?" The Mother of the Family asked, setting her gaze firmly on him.

"He's an alien, the Doctor, he's an alien!"  Timothy panted, as Rose backed away slowly, back towards John.  "He travels with Rose Tyler, they have a spaceship, and they're all completely mad!  And he's the Doctor!" Timothy swung around and pointed a finger at John.

“You leave John and I out of this,” she looked at the Family.  “Just let this poor, mad boy go and we can work something out,” she said urgently.  “It’ll all be fine, I’m sure.”

“I don’t think so,” The Mother said, “You should move over, Miss  _ Tyler,  _ for we know exactly who you are.”

“That’s your maiden name,” John murmured, sounding a bit sad, and of  _ course  _ he wouldn’t understand.  She felt her teeth grit. She needed to get him out of here, and fast.  There was no way things would end well if they stayed here. She had to get John away and explain to him exactly what was going on so that they could form a proper plan.  And for that, she was going to need him to follow her. 

Fortunately, she already knew that John Smith would follow her wherever she decided to go.

Rose turned and sprinted, grabbing John's hand and tugging him along after her.  "Run!" She shouted over her shoulder.  She managed to knock a living scarecrow out of the way to run, but it was clear that John was already growing tired.

It was quick, how easily he tired out, and she knew he certainly wasn't getting any other physical activity.  Why would he?  He was a physics teacher with no need or want to run anywhere. He was used to life at a leisurely stroll.  But he was panting behind her.  She knew that he knew he had to run for his life.  She could tell by the amount of sweat and the panic intake of breath that his response was not just from running.

No one seemed to be following them, which meant they would be tracked by the Family.  Not knowing how long that would take, Rose urged John to run faster, clutching the fob watch in the hand that wasn't in his. 

"We've got to get the boys back to the school," John panted, and it made Rose’s heart lurch, how he still wasn’t thinking of himself, even in a time like this. He was kind to a fault, and she needed to make him see sense. 

Rose threw a glance over her shoulder and saw the pandemonium occurring back where they had just been.  "I think they've got the hint," she replied, "They're going.”

"Military... Training..." John wheezed, still not fighting her, "They'll need me."

Rose tugged him into a small house that had obviously been abandoned for the evening.  She pushed him until he was in a corner of the kitchen and he sat with her next to him.

"This is important, John, you've got to see through the end of this."  Rose said quietly as he caught his breath.

"Rose... The Doctor, he's a story...  How did they know?"  He wiped his forehead of sweat.  “You didn't tell anyone, did you?”

“No, I didn't tell anyone about your dreams, but don’t you see how real this is?” Rose urged him, shifting against the skirts of her dress to see him closer. 

He stared at her and shook his head. “No, the Doctor isn’t real, Rose.  I think this has gone too far, however it has gone.  Perhaps Timothy found my journal, and read it, and it got spread about.  That’s the only reason they would know about him.  He’s just a story.”

"No, no, he's not a story, John," Rose took his hands and put the watch in them.  "You're the Doctor.  You kept your... I don't know, your essence in here, and integrated us here to protect us until the Family died.  But they still found you."

"They're here for me?" The fear in John's eyes was apparent.  "This isn't possible.  Rose, I think we’ve all gone mad."

"I think you'd find that it is possible," Rose said quietly.  "See, I travel with you, the Doctor, and we went on all those adventures you dreamt about.  They're real, John.  And I don't know, maybe you're supposed to open the watch now, I don't know how to decide that."

"Neither do I!" John rolled the watch between his palms once before clutching it again.  "Why didn't you tell me this?"

Rose tilted his chin up so he'd look her in the eyes.  "You told me not to."

"Why would I do that?" John shouted.  "Why wouldn't I tell you, Rose, why?"

"I don't know, John, because you didn't tell me anything before you changed.  But you have to decide if you open the watch or not, John, I don't think it was ever supposed to be me to decide."  She smiled sadly at him.  “It’s your life, my love.”

John's eyes looked so tired as he peered up into hers.  "You're always with me, right?" He clutched her hand in his.  "You're always there and you travel with me, and you’re always there to love me, aren't you?"

She nodded to him, reaching out to cup his cheek.  "I am.  But…” She hesitated, not wanting to say the words, “I think you have to know that you don't love me."

All the color drained from John's face in a sudden motion that scared her.  "Why?” His voice was desperate and loud, like he was about to cry but still trying to force it down.  How could I do that to you?  What sort of man is that, who doesn't love a woman like you?"

She smiled sadly, but didn't have an answer.  "It's alright.  You're worth it."

“No, I need to know,” John said, “I need to know why I wouldn’t love you.”

“You’re more important than me,” Rose said softly.  “You’re an alien and you’re the last of your kind.  And you, my love, are the most incredible man that I have ever known.”

“Then why don’t you leave me?  If I can’t love you the way you love me?” He asked. 

She shrugged. “I told you.  You’re worth it, you’re worth every rejection and mixed signal. John?”

“Rose.”  Her name on his lips was a plea for her to stay with him, and she knew he had to understand now: that he was the one leaving.

She stroked her thumb over the apple of his cheek, hoping to comfort him, at least a little. Unfortunately, she could only manage a whisper of, “I have loved being your wife.”

He let out a sob, one that broke her heart, and tugged her into a kiss that was equal parts bruising and needy.  He needed her, and when John Smith was no more, he would not be in need of Rose Tyler.


	20. Chapter 20

 

John cupped Rose's cheek in his hand, then fiercely stuffed the watch into his pocket.  Rose opened her mouth to protest, but John stopped her.  "The dreams of the Doctor," he began, standing and pulling her with him, "They make him out to be a peaceful man.  He won't kill."

"No, he won’t," Rose replied softly.  “He wouldn’t.” 

John closed his eyes.  “I have so many stories in my head, of you and I and things we’ve done and seen. I have memories of drinking tea with you in a really odd room, with no windows and lights brighter than the sun.”

Rose bit her lip, trying not to let a nervous laugh bubble out of her throat, and she nodded.  “Yeah, we’re incredible, you and me.”

He looked like he was about to cry again. “I need you,” he whispered.

She closed her eyes.  No, she thought to herself, he didn't need her, and that was what positively broker her in two. She could hold onto those words, savor them for the rest of her life, but it would never be true again, not after tonight.

She framed his face in her hands and searched his eyes.  “John,” She whispered.  “You are the most incredible person in the world, both as John and the Doctor.”

He pressed his forehead to hers, breathing heavily, as though trying to contain himself.  She felt her heart lurch again and she just wanted to hug him, but she had a feeling that this contact was more intimate to him. 

“Everything we- did that mean nothing?” He asked softly.

“Oh, John,” She whispered, squeezing her eyes even tighter shut.  “It meant everything.”

This seemed to convince him, and he held onto her even tighter, and if she had to guess, she thought he might need her warmth, her touch.  So she let him hold on for as long as he needed to.  And to be honest with herself, she needed it too. 

"I'll have to get them set up back at the school," John said, "Make sure they can defend themselves.  Then I'll come back here and open the watch."

"I'm going with you," Rose said firmly. 

John turned towards her and set his hands on her waist.  "Rose, I am very, very afraid," he said, his voice shaking and his eyes full of fear.  She felt taken aback by it, and moved away from him a little.  "I want you safe if any of this goes wrong."  He paused, seeming to choke on his next words before he said them.  "Think of it as my dying wish."

Rose choked on a sob of her own, not expecting words like that to come from his mouth.  Her hand covered her mouth and she was surprised by the force with which tears spilled over her cheeks.  The look he returned to her was full of dismay and his eyes were still as full of love as she had ever seen them.

"I'm so afraid, Rose, that I need you to be safe for me," he leaned his forehead against hers.  "If things go wrong, I'll open the watch before I get back, but..."  He stopped, but Rose's eyes urged him to continue.  "I don't want to be without you, when it happens."

"Please let me come with you," Rose fought to keep her voice steady, lowering her hand and reaching for him.  "I can help, I can-"

"Rose."  John sighed, interrupting her.  He took her hand and held it tight in his, as though he didn’t ever want to release her.  "I need to be sure you're safe."

"But you won't be if you don’t let me go with you," she retorted.  "Besides, a member of the Family could come right back here and kill me and you'd never know.  Never."

John set his jaw, searching her eyes.  Eventually, he must have realized that there was no way he was getting her to back down, because he sighed and took her hand.  "Alright, best run then."

They ran all the way to the school, and the children, relieved to see John, immediately responded to the orders he was barking.  Clear military orders, and Rose had to remember not to get lost in her pride for this man.  He'd be gone too soon.

It was odd, though, to see the Doctor’s mouth saying words of war, the way only a general could. The Doctor could never spout orders like that.  He couldn’t tell people what to do when it came to a battle, usually.  She pursed her lips and watched him, needing to keep an eye on him.

"Year four and younger, follow Mrs. Smith and the Nurse," John shouted.  At the shouts of protests, he held up a shaking hand.  "Do not argue, just go!"

The children scrambled to Rose and Joan, and when she looked up, Rose saw the fear so plain on his face that she was convinced he was not the Doctor. 

And she was unnerved by how alright she was with that.  He was a different man, after all.  But her eyes stuck to him as Joan’s voice broke through her reverie.

"Come on," Joan shouted to the children who were coming up to them.  She turned to Rose as they walked away.  "There's a bunker in the school basement.  Not for warfare or anything, just for hiding, so we can still look outside, if you'd like."

Rose nodded.  "I would, thanks."

Luckily for Rose, Joan already knew all the boys, so she counted them when they got downstairs to make sure everyone was present and accounted for.  After she counted, she shut and bolted the door, and Rose set herself by the large but strategically placed window in the far edge of the room.  She could see the Family lurking about outside the front of the school, and could hear John's shouted orders as the boys and teachers built a barricade.

Rose was more than a little panicked.  Yes, John was better at war games than the Doctor, because in his mind he'd been raised in them.  But the Doctor was better at negotiation.  John wouldn't know what to say, he was a physics teacher. He could recite math formulas and theories, but that wasn’t going to get them anywhere. 

She worried about the Doctor too, of course, when things happened, but this was different. This was a man with one heart, who was  _ choosing  _ to have one heart instead of a proper two with regenerative powers.  She thought him stupid for that, but she also thought him brave.  He was impossible and she loved him and she didn’t know what she was going to do.  She said she could help, but really, she just needed to keep an eye on him.

"Are you alright?" Joan asked, gently touching Rose's shoulder.  Her eyes looked worried and Rose wasn’t sure how she was going to lie to this woman.

"I’m fine," Rose assured her, trying to be casual.  She leaned her chin in her hand and watched the Family more closely.  "I'm just worried about him."

"I can't say I blame you," Joan said, "He's a wonderful man."

Rose turned her head and landed her gaze upon Joan.  "Do you fancy him, Joan?"

The question was gentle and simple.  Rose made sure that it held nothing cruel or reproachful behind it.  In the past it might have been, but she was beyond that now, and knew the Doctor, on some level, would be proud of her for it.  Not that he would ever really know that it happened, of course.  No, not that he would know anything at all about these moments she was living right at this second.

Joan blinked at Rose’s question and stared at her for a moment, as if shocked she had asked.  "I... I did, Mrs. Smith, when he first arrived, until I found out he was married.  That is not my place."

"You're right, it wasn’t." Rose replied, facing the window again.  "But I was never angry with you over it.  I trust him."

"There's no reason you shouldn't," Joan said, "I'd be the first to tell you that there have been women interested, and he's so oblivious to all of them.  Every maid, every servant, every wink from a female teacher.  They ask him about everything, trying to get him alone, and you make your way into every story.” Joan smiled   “He talks about you endlessly, and some might say he’s borderline obsessed with you.”

Rose laughed, feeling a wave of odd happiness wash over her.  "He's never told me about any of that."

Joan opened her mouth, but was interrupted by the shrill voice of the Mother of the Family shouting "Yoo-hoo! Doctor!" as she and her family advanced on the school. 

Rose’s head snapped back to look at where John was, feeling her heart pounding wildly.  Her breath hitched up and she was confused and couldn’t see him.  She sat farther forward, feeling herself trip up on her skirts a little.

"You can go, there's nothing for you here!" She heard John's voice from beyond her line of vision.

"I think you know what we want, sir.  And we have something you want," the Father sent a wicked grin towards the door.  "Would you like to know what we have?"

Silence for a few moments, but eventually John spoke back, sounding bored, and since Rose knew him, shaky.

"Oh, what have you got then?  Brag and then go on with your lives, will you?"

"Tsk, tsk, Doctor," the Sister shook her head, tugging her Brother forward with her.  "You'll want to know this I'm sure.  You and your pretty little...  _ Companion." _

The whole Family burst out laughing, and Rose felt her cheeks burn.  No, they couldn’t know, they couldn’t know who  _ she  _ was, not really.  

"Rose, is it true, all this 'Doctor' madness?" Joan asked frantically, touching Rose’s shoulder. Her hand was shaking.  Rose realized that she was going to have to be the strong one, here, and somehow she was ready to do that.. 

Rose turned her head to face Joan and nodded very, very slowly.  Yes.  The Doctor was real.  "John is the Doctor.  It’s really complicated, but… He’s the Doctor."

“But what- what’s he going to do?” Joan asked, “What’s going to happen?”

“The Doctor always finds a way,” Rose said encouragingly.  “He has  _ always  _ found a way.”

“And the two of you aren’t married?” Joan seemed dreadfully confused, and Rose felt her head start to ache. This was confusing even to her, and she wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“No,” she said softly, “We just travel together, and things like this happen more often than you think.  There’s always a threat, Joan, somewhere.”

“And you…  You cohabitate?”

Without realizing what it would mean, Rose said blandly, “Yeah, we just live together, we’re not together.”

She barely heard Joan's gasp because she turned back to the window, intent on the Family and how they were responding to John’s words.

"The Doctor's little woman isn't with him now," the Brother jeered.  “The little blonde tart that’ll follow him anywhere.”

Rose could feel Joan watching her and almost felt like she had never focused so hard on anything in her life. She could hear their insults but none of them registered with her.  She squinted, trying to understand exactly what they meant, exactly what they were trying to say.

"Yes, and isn't he so lost on his own?" The Sister pouted in John's direction, Rose was sure.  She wished she could see him.

"Quiet!" the Father shouted.  "Bring the object of the Doctor's desire.  And we don’t mean your ‘wife’, Doctor!"

And suddenly, from the sky, dropped a very familiar blue box.  The crash of it made Rose scream, and she almost felt like she was going to pass out.  How had they moved it from the barn?  How had any of this happened?  They were supposed to be safe until they opened the watch.  This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen, the Doctor hadn’t prepared her for this.

“No,” she whispered under her breath. “ _ No,  _ anything but this.”

"Oh, Doctor!" The Mother clapped with glee.  "We have your TARDIS!"


	21. Chapter 21

At the words spoken, Rose instantly felt as though she might vomit, or possibly pass out.  It was hard to say, the way her head was spinning.  She stood from her perch shakily, her knees almost buckling as she finally straightened up all the way.  "I've got to go," she said a bit too loudly, her voice wavering as she tried to steady her body as well as her mind.  She had almost forgotten that she was with somebody else, but in the back of her head, she knew who she was talking to.     
  
"That's a-a.. What is that?" Joan asked, confusion more prevalent in her eyes than fear.  Her brows were furrowed and she looked to be as sick as she felt.  Rose almost felt as though the words she was saying were hazy.  “I’ve never seen anything like that before.  Am I dreaming?”   
  
"It's a spaceship, Joan, and I've got to save the Doctor!"  Rose called over her shoulder as she ran from the basement bunker.  She heard Joan calling after her, but she couldn’t stop. Her brain was right on John, and nothing else could permeate it.   
  
She didn't stop running through the school, her heart pounding achingly against her ribs, the exertion mixed with adrenaline making her feel as though she was burning from the inside.  She ran into John near the front door, colliding with him.  His hands clutched her upper arms, steadying her. “Whoa.  It’s alright, we’re alright. Rose, are you-”   
  
"You have to open the watch," she gasped, cutting him off and clutching at him as tears burned her eyes.  She tried to look at him but it was just too painful.  She didn’t want to see her own sadness reflected in his eyes, so instead she watched his chest rise and fall a little more rapidly in her panic.. "You've got to."  She panted, finally able to fight the words out.   
  
John's almost wildly shaky hands traveled to her face, brushing away the tears with tender movements of his thumbs.  "I know," he said quietly, and Rose knew his voice was low so she wouldn't hear his tearfulness.  Of course.  He didn't want to die.  He didn’t realize that he was going to still be alive, as he  _ was  _ the Doctor.  It was hard to understand, she was having trouble grasping it and she had been traveling the universe with him.  He looked down at her, his mouth set in a grim line, dimple sticking out as he clenched his jaw.  "Come with me."   
  
He took her hand, and they walked together to their room, completely silent except for Rose's muffled sobs against John's shoulder.  She had never really thought too hard about this, that he'd be gone.  It was always something that she was tentatively aware of, never letting it push all the way through her consciousness.  That the man who loved her and she had learned to love in return was leaving her behind with  _ another  _ man she loved, but one that would never love her back no matter how hard she tried to make him see how she loved him.  John would be fully and completely gone, with a tactical but reserved Doctor in his place.   
  
A man who wouldn't love her as John did.  She would never marry now, she knew that for sure.  He had been it for her, the Doctor, and now she knew what it was like to be married and with someone who actually loved her and wanted her to be happy.  She wasn’t sure she would ever get that from anybody else, and even so, she wasn’t sure that she wanted it.  It was always the Doctor for her… Or John.  There was nothing left for her after that, when it came to romance or love.  Would she have to leave?  Would the Doctor be so disgusted with her that he would kick her off the TARDIS?

  
She forced herself to bring herself back to reality.  John sat on the couch, his knee pressed against Rose's and his hand in hers, stroking along her hand with his thumb.  It was a tender motion that only made her weep harder. She felt a headache building in the back of her skull and felt herself completely dissolve into near hysterics.    
  
"I'm supposed to be the one comforting you," she sobbed, dropping her forehead to his shoulder and fisting her hand into his shirt.  He tipped his cheek against her head, a gesture of closeness more than anything else.   
  
"It's alright," he murmured.  "You're the one who has to live on after this.  Not me."   
  
That only made her clutch his hand harder, and she pulled back, blinking away the rest of her tears so she could look at him.  He met her eyes, and she noticed his breathing was shallow and his eyes were wide with fear.  She realized just how afraid he was.   
  
"Rose," his voice came out as a choke.  "May I kiss you?  One last time?"   
  
She reached out and traced the fingers of her free hand down his cheek.  "You never have to ask," she replied.  "Now or ever."   
  
"Ever?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.  "What if I... What if I never..."   
  
"I don't think you will," Rose admitted quietly.  "That’s not what you do, not with me.  But you do, now, alright?  And that's all that matters to me."     
  
John cupped her cheek and leaned in, kissing her eagerly.  Both of them responded with an equal amount or fervor, as if both of them sensed that it would be the last time.  And of course, it was, but it didn’t feel real.  Rose was willing to wake up from a dream or coma that induced this whole situation, if it meant that she didn’t have to watch her John die.   
  
His hands found her waist and with a large tug he pulled her roughly into his lap.  It was an awkward stretch, as she was still wearing so many skirts.  She gasped a little in surprise and adjusted her skirts.  Without another thought she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.  She wanted him close, just for now, because the echo of “this is the last time” came through both of their heads quite loudly..     
  
He hesitated as he ran his tongue along her lip, begging for entrance.  Rose thought that must be because he realized that they weren't really married.  Just mates.  Nothing would ever happen between them again, and she was going to have to remember that from now on.  No more sleepy kisses, no more cuddling in the dark of night, no more eating quiet breakfasts, no more notes in the morning.  They would be just mates, once again, the one thing that killed her more than anything else.      
  
Just mates as it were, Rose opened her mouth and allowed him the access he was craving.  He sighed in relief against her lips and pressed closer against her.  She had never been held like this, not even by the Doctor, and she was addicted to it, now that she’d had a taste of it.  His hands coasted up her back and touched her with sure hands, even though she knew that he was losing his nerves, remembering what was happening even as he tried to lose himself in her.       
  
This could only continue for only a few moments, because both of them knew that time was of the essence.  He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, cupping her cheek with one hand.  "I love you, so much, Rose, even if...  If I never say it again."  His voice broke and she felt her heart break right along with it.  She didn't want to let him go, even if it meant saving the world.  She almsot didn’t care anymore.  But deep down, it was all very clear, what she had to do.

  
"I know," Rose forced him to look at her and stared him in the eyes.  She wanted him to look at her when she said it, and  _ damn  _ it all, she wanted him to remember it, even when he became the Doctor again. It suddenly seemed more important than ever that she say it now.  And she said it with as much conviction and life as she could manage.  "I love you, John."    
  
He choked on another fearful sob and she rested their foreheads together.  John reached for his pocket without moving from Rose and pulled the fob watch out of his pocket.  "So much, Rose," he whispered.  “I need you so much.”   
  
The Doctor had told her before that he needed her, but this was not the same thing.  This was the desperation of a human man that needed and craved her and loved her more than anything else in the world.  This could never happen again.  Resigning herself, Rose wrapped her fingers up in the hair at the nape of his neck.  "Me too," she said softly, knowing that he would know what she meant.  He had to.   
  
"You won't forget me, Rose, promise you won't forget me," the panic was starting to cut through his voice.  "Please, don’t forget me, I couldn’t bear it."   
  
Squeezing her eyes shut, she nodded, or maybe she shook her head.  Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, and it was beginning to drive her mad.  "I could never forget you," Rose said, surprised at how tender her voice was. The hysterics dissolved, the tears that she had been letting flow free dried up on the skin of her cheeks and neck. "Do you understand me?” She pleaded with him.  “I'm always gonna miss you, and love you, alright?  No matter what happens, you will always have my heart, and this beautiful time that we had together."   
  
A whispered 'alright' met her ears and he sat back just a touch, his free hand clutched hers as his eyes ran over the watch.    
  
The silence that followed was almost deafening.  Rose knew he had to be the next person to say something, because he was ending his own life, essentially.  So she watched him, calming her breathing as his grew more erratic.  She stroked his hand comfortingly with both of hers, waiting for him to calm.   
  
"I'm sorry, Rose, I'm so sorry."  He said, staring down at the watch, not able to look up into her eyes again.  She had a feeling she wouldn’t have been able to manage it if he had.  She kissed his forehead and then moved back.   
  
Rose sighed, trying to restrain the fresh wave of tears.  "I think if you dig into your dreams deep enough you'll find that I promised you forever.  And that means no matter what.  Whether you're the Doctor or you're John, I promised you my forever.  It doesn't change because you do."   
  
John's look to her was one of shock and unconditional love, and it made her smile a little bit.  He pursed his lips, watching her with a sort of carefulness that she had never had from the Doctor. He was so reckless, but John was calculated, thinking about everything that had to happen, and everything he learned and needed to know in the future. His words were even and smooth but layered with fear when he finally managed to speak.  "I can't leave you."   
  
"You won't," she ran a comforting hand through his hair.  "You'll always be there.  You can do this, John, those boys need you.  We all need you, and I believe in you more than I believe in anybody in the world.  Alright?"   
  
He gave a tight, tense nod.  "Yes, alright."  He looked with a surprised expression at the watch.  "It's singing," he whispered, his voice full of awe.  "Timothy was right about it."

She slipped off his lap and to his side, not wanting to be in his lap when the Doctor came back.  She didn’t need to have anything else against her.  She ran her hand not holding his up into his hair, needing to touch him somehow with both hands.     
  
He kept that one hand in hers and squeezed his eyes shut.  "Love you," he whispered to her, and before Rose could answer, he clicked the watch open and the Doctor's gold essence started to flow out.

  
  



	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never liked how the Doctor pretended to be John for a little while longer, I wanted him to face it head on because that just feels like the sort of man the Doctor was, so... I took some liberties :) I hope you still enjoy it!

Rose would decide later that it was equal parts horrifying and relieving to see the gold essence of the Doctor float out of the watch.  She could hear him whispering in the back of her mind, but she could barely hear him.  He existed, he was almost back, but it didn’t feel real. It was still John's hand that clutched Rose's, and the gold seeped into his pores.

He was right, the watch was singing, and it was gentle, and beautiful, and bone chilling all at once.  She watched as the fear in his eyes turned to assurance and determination.  His posture became more rigid than professional, but she noticed the one thing he didn't do was let go of her hand.  If anything, he held it even tighter.  

It continued for longer than she had expected, it was sort of like regeneration, except this obviously didn't hurt him.  For the Doctor, it was like waking up from a long sleep, awakening to a eyeful of gold, shimmering light. 

And just like that, John Smith was dead. 

The Doctor squeezed Rose's hand in reassurance, but he didn't look at her.  Not even a glance in her direction for her to see his eyes.  She stared at him, willing him to look at her, just for a bit of reassurance, or an exuberant hug, which he excelled at.  They both had, once upon a time.  He said nothing, though, did nothing but the tiny squeeze of her hand.  Then he stood and walked out of the room without saying a word to her.

Rose stared at the hand he had just been holding, nearly frozen in shock.  He'd just left.  He hadn't tried to reassure her or...  He hadn't even looked at her.

He was angry, at everything she did.  She didn't do her job correctly.  But what was she supposed to do, let him leave her?  She had to keep watch other him.  She was supposed to protect him.  Feeling tears cloud her consciousness, she leaned down and pressed her face into her palms.

As much as she was trying not to jump to conclusions, she had a feeling that he was trying to keep her from seeing something in his face.  Of course, he wouldn't want her to know he was angry with her.  He was her best mate, and they didn't fight often at all.  She leaned back, trying not to think about how cold her hand was now, or how empty she felt.  The lead of guilt settled into her stomach and she didn’t want to think about it.

She had thought about what he would do when he found out, but she hadn't expected this.

Shaking herself off, she decided that he still needed her and she was going downstairs to help in any way possible.

When she went downstairs she immediately felt guilty for feeling sorry for herself because the first wave of animated scarecrows had attacked the school.  Luckily for them, the boys' military training had paid off, and they celebrated as the wave ended.

"Enough of this madness!" The Mother shrieked, "Send forth the Doctor and his companion!  Now!"

"Come along, Rose," Rose heard the Doctor's voice call from outside, and she followed it until she was standing next to him.  He had his hands in his pockets and still wasn’t looking at her, his eyes trained on the Family, his eyes flicking between them all so he could keep an eye on them all at once.  Once he seemed to sense that she was right up next to him, they walked forward to meet the Family halfway.

He still wasn't looking at her, she remembered, her heart sinking. For a moment she had just attributed it to the fact that he wanted to look at the Family and keep them away. But by now, he would’ve reached down and taken her hand, or he would’ve offered her a smile of reassurance, or  _ something.   _ But now he just stared ahead, his chin tilted up in a defiance that she had always loved so much.  She bit her lip and looked forward as well, shoving away her feelings forever.

"You will surrender yourself to us."  The Mother said, “We have you surrounded.”

“Now, see, I don’t quite think that giving my semi-immortality to people that would only use it for evil is the best option I have right now.”

“Then what is the best option?" The Mother’s face remained stoic and searching, and it unnerved Rose beyond belief.

“The best option is for you to let yourselves die out, as you are supposed to.  Sometimes it’s just best to let nature run its course, and obey the laws that the universe has set for you.”

Rose looked at him curiously. What did that mean?  He never said anything that he didn’t mean, even if it was something that didn’t make much sense to her.  It always made sense to him. He could read her like a book and she had no clue how to interpret him. He could read the Family like a book and he told her nothing, leaving her in the dark on the whole situation.

The Father stepped forward, his foot on the grass breaking her out of the trance the Doctor had brought her into. She leveled her gaze on him, telling herself not to look away again.  Now was not the time to get caught up in her human emotions that he so often picked on her for.  The Father spoke again, a smug smile crawling across his face.  "I think you'll find that you will die, regardless of what you want."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows in response, as though surprised at the audacity of the Family.  Of course, he was just being dramatic, he always knew what was going to happen.  "I think you'll find that I will not.  Rose?"

"Yeah, Doctor?" She tried not to let any true emotions edge out, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as the seconds stretched by. 

She could hear the smile in his voice as the words finally came from him.  "Let's run, shall we?"

He grabbed her hand and she ignored the spark as he pulled her along, getting her to run towards the woods with him. She had to hitch up her skirts so she could come up next to him without getting tripped up and falling.  It was unclear where they were headed, and if the Family was following them or not, so she kept turning over her shoulder.  Every time she so much as thought about stumbled he tugged her upright, keeping her forward.

“Stop looking behind you!” He called, almost but not quite over his shoulder. He was directing his voice to her, not his eyes.  And she heard him, so it did the trick. She turned back around and ran harder, keeping up with his exceptionally long stride.

"Where are we going?" She shouted over the sudden riot they had caused back at the school.  People seemed to be very angry that the Doctor that had just come to save them was now abandoning them without a second thought. 

"We're going to blow up their ship!" The Doctor shouted back without turning around, his voice full with the crazed glee he so often got when they were about to do something completely mad.  Such as, she had to admit, blowing up somebody else’s ship..

"How do you know where it is?" She fought down tears and she didn't know why.

"I can sense it, in the back of my mind.” He tapped his temple as they ran.  “I can't destroy them until I destroy the ship!  Where will they go without a ship, eh?  How will they live without me to fuel them?"

He was right, and it was a brilliant plan, Rose had to admit.  But as of the moment, nothing was before them, no ship rising up in the distance. It looked like they were just running into the forest, and Rose was very skeptical indeed as to what was going on.  Did the Doctor  _ really  _ know what he was talking about? Or was he still disoriented from the opening of the watch?  Both were equally possible and that frightened her.

They disappeared into the woods, crashing through the trees, Rose tripping over her skirts and the brush again and the Doctor tugging her back up.

Without looking at her.

Why wasn't he looking at her?

She wanted to ask, she really did, but now was not the time, and years of travelling with him taught her when to know when to speak with him.  She had a feeling that if she said something now, it would be all "Rose, really? Now?"  That was also something he said when he wasn’t ready to talk about something, not that he was  _ ever  _ ready, mind, but it would be nice for some familiarity to filter back in.

There had never been a moment when she was more scatter brained during an adventure. This was the only moment she had felt so confused and somehow, wrong.  Nothing felt like it was going the way it was supposed to, nothing felt right between the two of them.  The last time anything close to this feeling had settled over her was right after his regeneration.  

Now, it seemed like she knew exactly who he was, but he was struggling to remember who she was.

So, dejected and confused, she continued to let him pull her through the forest, trying not to cry out when branches hit her in the face and really made an effort to make no sound at all.  She could hear their pursuers close behind them.

"But Doctor, they have the TARDIS," Rose called, remembering the ship that was always humming in the back of her head.  She had quieted and Rose wondered if she was shutting herself down so that the Family wouldn’t be able to sense her.

"It's fine, we've just distracted them from her," the Doctor replied as a well disguised ship appeared in their line of vision.  He stood in the front of the ship, pulling her with him and bringing the watch out of his pocket.  He moved his lips close to her ear and she tried not to shiver.  "Rose, you need to get in the ship and find the self destruct button.  It's inside, it'll be in plain sight, I promise, but you've got to go while I distract them."

Rose nodded, disgusted to note that his eyes were averted from her face.   

"Funny, all this," he said as the Family stopped, just short of the Doctor, not knowing what these two were up to.  The Doctor gently pushed Rose behind him, and though it looked like a protective gesture, she knew he was getting ready to start his distracting.

"Doctor, enough of this." the Father growled, stepping forward, and as everyone's eyes were trained on the Doctor, she slipped backwards, pulling her sweaty hand swiftly from the Doctor's and disappearing into the ship.  She held her breath as she disappeared into it, waiting for the Family to notice her.

A whooshing sigh released her when she realized no one had seen her.  She headed through the hallways of the ship, but they all looked the same and her anxiety started to build as she kept tripping over her dress, suddenly forgetting how to walk in it.  She felt like Rose Tyler again and she wasn't used it.

But Rose Tyler saved the world, and that was just what she was planning on doing. All she had to do was find one lousy button and press it, and things could go back to normal.

Stumbling down the hallways of the ship, she had nothing to think about but this, the mission the Doctor had given her.  She tried to shake off her feelings, because weren't they irrelevant anyway?  He was always telling her that she was thinking about things when they weren’t important, but she couldn’t help that her mind wandered.

She skidded to a stop at a dead end, seeing loads of buttons on the wall.  Without thinking about it, she slammed her hands down all the buttons and stepped back.  That seemed like something the Doctor would do.  After a few moments she turned and saw a small button with a case over it.  Making sure no one would press it by accident, Rose supposed, with alien words over it that the TARDIS translated before her eyes.

_ Self Destruct. _

She shrugged her shoulders.  Alright then.  The TARDIS was probably just making things a bit easier for her stupid human, but Rose wasn’t about to let all that go to waste.  Rose flipped the case open, slammed the button, and lifted her skirts before sprinting towards the exit and the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	23. Chapter 23

Rose ran for her bloody life, weaving through the hallways (which all looked the same) of the Family's spaceship. It was like a hospital, everything uniform and the same, corridors tighter than any damn corridor that she had ever been in in her life. It still wasn't clear what kind of alien they were, but she was relieved to have something to focus on other than the Doctor's seemingly unwillingness to look at her.   
  
It all hurt her more than she cared to say.  But that didn’t really stop her from thinking about it.   
  
Panting, she reached the front of the ship, almost crying in relief.  She barreled through the door, slamming into the Doctor's back as she couldn’t bring herself to a stop in time.  Usually, she would have put her hands up to brace herself on his back, for just a moment, before stepping away.  This time she pushed away from him as quickly as she could and stood behind him..   
  
He made a little sound of surprise. "Oh, there you are!"  He said cheerfully.    
  
Still not turning around.     
  
He tugged her to the side, next to the Family, as their ship started a countdown.  Rose had a feeling that it would have been in some sick alien language if the TARDIS wasn’t continuing to translate for her.   
  
_ 10 _   
  
"What have you done!" the Son shrieked, tearing at his hair with his hands.  There was no stopping all the buttons she had pressed, and she had a feeling that he was perfectly aware of that.  By the look of horror that registered on all their faces, she had a feeling that they  _ all  _ knew.    
  
_ 9 _   
  
"Blown up your bloody ship!" Rose shouted at the Son in return.     
  
_ 8 _   
  
"Human child, you will die for this!" the Mother glared at her, very near to advancing.   
  
_ 7 _   
  
"The human child will not," the Doctor replied firmly, in a voice that usually left no room for argument whatsoever.   
_   
_ _ 6, 5, 4, 3, 2,  _   
  
"No second chances," the Doctor murmured under his breath.  Rose moved to his side, wanting to be farther away from the crash than she currently.   
  
_ 1. _   
  
The explosion was nothing spectacular.  In fact, it was rather underwhelming, sort of like the ship evaporated instead of destructing.  Either way, the Doctor looked incredibly pleased with himself as the particles shot up into the air.  Rose watched as the ship dispersed all the way and went into the sky.  The Family members screamed in anguish, but were silenced by their shock.  "Now, then," he said cheerfully, back to the TARDIS?"   
  
The Family stood there, all four of them in such shock that Rose almost,  __ almost felt bad for them.  They'd just lost their home, and with it, their lives.  Rose couldn't imagine knowing something that terrible about herself.  If the TARDIS was destroyed, she imagined this was exactly how she would feel.   
  
They were forced to follow the Doctor back to the TARDIS, sort of bound without their ship.  He would punish them, Rose knew that, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to be there for it.  Whether or not they followed him to the TARDIS they were going to get what was coming to them, and it was probably because of their pride that they managed to trudge along behind him, borrowed bodies slumped in pain and resignation.  Rose followed behind the Family, feeling like she was keeping them in line, on some level.  Not that the Doctor really needed her to keep anyone in line.   
  
It seemed that he really didn't need her at all, anyway.    
  
Which was alright, he'd have to let her go in the end, wouldn't he?  Or maybe it was she that would have to let go of him.  Perhaps it would be in her best interest to pack her bags when they got back, so she didn't embarrass herself and try to stay with him when he didn't want her.   
  
"We'll be back in a moment," the Doctor called over his shoulder when they reached the TARDIS.

What happened, what he did, made Rose sick, but somehow, deep inside herself, she knew that it had to be done. She sat on the jump seat, her fingers laced together in her lap, a cold sweat broken over her.  The Family was tied and kept in the console room, which made Rose feel a bit unsafe, but she had a feeling that for this, the Doctor knew what he was doing and he wouldn’t knowingly put her in danger.   
  
He pushed the Mother from the TARDIS into a collapsing galaxy.  Rose watched his stoic expression as he turned away from where she fell and screamed as she would for eternity.  She wanted to cringe, wanted to hold his hand, but neither seemed like options. So she just clenched her own hands together tighter and willed him to feel the comfort she was trying to push at him.   
  
The Father was wrapped in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a Dwarf Star, imprisoning him forever.   
  
He trapped the sister in every mirror in the multiverse.  Every time someone would see something in the corner of their eye, that would be her, lurking in the shadows of every mirror.  But she could never speak to anyone, so she lived in eternal solitude. That seemed to hurt most of all, to Rose.  To see, but not touch, or speak, or even hear.  Rose had never seen this sort of cruelty from the Doctor, even if it was warranted.  They had stolen the people in those bodies, after all, taken their lives, and had tried to take the Doctor’s.  In that, they would’ve taken the universe’s minuteman, the one man that the world relied on.  There was no way he could’ve been taken without major consequences.  These were the consequences.   
  
The son was suspended, trapped in limbo in time before being put to work as a scarecrow.  And wasn't that poetic justice, if anything at all?  Rose couldn't suppress a cringe, and the Doctor ran a comforting hand along her back before he seemed to realize what he was doing and abruptly, pulled, no,  _ snatched  _ his hand away from her, leaving her emptier than before.  She felt an imprint of his hand on her back, turning cold the longer he was away from her.  So far away, she thought as she looked at his grim profile.  So untouchable.    
  
They returned to where they had just landed, about a few seconds after leaving, and the Doctor beckoned for Timothy to step forward as he stood outside the TARDIS, staring at them with his mouth wide open and his eyes full of questions.  The boy ran forward to them and looked up at them as though they were gods.  It made Rose feel unspeakably tired.    
  
"I'm sorry," the boy said awkwardly, shifting his gaze from theirs to go about staring at his toes.   
  
"You did what you thought you had to," the Doctor acknowledged kindly.  Timothy looked back up at him and the Doctor smiled.  He handed Timothy the fob watch, making sure it was rested heavy in his hand before pulling away.  "I want you to have that."   
  
"Isn't... Isn't it dangerous?" Timothy asked quietly, his wide eyes peering up into the Doctor's as Rose looked on.   
  
"Not anymore, Tim.  Just a watch, now.  But I want you to remember me, alright?  You may just see me again."   
  
"Do you really travel in time?" The boy blurted out, looking shy as he did it.   
  
The Doctor smiled, a real, wide, Doctor smile, and he nodded.  "Oh, yes, Timothy.  So at one point in your life you will probably, most definitely, see me again."   
  
Timothy beamed, thrilled with this new information.  He clicked the watch open and ran his little thumb over the face of the clock.  "Thank you," he breathed, "It's the most wonderful thing I've ever had."   
  
"I'm glad you like it.  Hang onto it for me?" The Doctor asked, as though he was asking the little boy to carry the world on his shoulders.   
  
Timothy nodded furiously.  "Yes, sir, I will.  And, Mr. Smith, I mean, Doctor?"   
  
"What's that, Tim?"   
  
"You were a really great teacher."   
  
The Doctor smiled,and to Rose’s surprise, ruffled the boy’s hair affectionately. “Thank you,” he said earnestly, and started to head for the TARDIS.     
  
Rose made to follow him before she heard a tentative "Mrs. Smith?"     
  
She paused for a moment, her heart wrenching at the name.  She turned around and squatted in front of Timothy, her skirts fanning all around her. "Yes?"   
  
"I'm really sorry.  I'm really sorry I tried to give the watch to them.  It was really wrong and I know that now, I promise." His eyes were big and bright but not quite full of tears, and at first, she wasn’t sure quite what to say.   
  
She smiled at him, seeing the earnestness in his eyes.  "I forgive you, Timothy.  You'll see us again."  

He threw his arms around her neck, and she returned the embrace, wondering for the first time what it would’ve been like to have a child like Tim.  She released him and grinned at him. “Best get back to my box,” she said.  He gave her a tight little smile.  She threw him a wink and walked back into the TARDIS, not allowing herself to look back.  She shut the door gently behind her and ran her hand reverently up the railing.  The time ship gave a gentle hum in reply.

“I missed you too,” Rose said softly, “I’m sorry I had to stop visiting you, I’m sorry this happened.”

The TARDIS could read her mind a bit, with as much mourning as she was projecting her emotions.  The ship gave her a warning hum, saying it clearly:  _ Don’t leave. _

Rose removed her hand from the rail and shook her head.  That wasn’t what this was about now,  It could never be about that.   
  
The Doctor was at the console, his back to her again.  Well, that was now typical, wasn't it?  She sighed and took a tentative step forward, feeling almost afraid to approach him.  But she needed to talk to him, needed to say something to fix this, to repair their relationship that she had so badly damaged.   
  
"I'd expect you'd want some sleep, after all that nonsense," the Doctor said quietly, as though sensing she wanted to talk and needing to cut her off.   
  
"I wouldn't call it nonsense," Rose replied slowly, just wanting him to look at her.  “I was just-”   
  
"-Either way, it was strenuous on you," he said, flipping levers to send them into the Vortex, doing it with near reverence.  "I'm sure.  We'll float around in the Vortex for a couple days, then we'll go to a leisure planet for awhile.  Unless you want to see your mum or something."   
  
"No, that's okay, I’ll see her a little later," Rose said, and she was sure her upset was showing in her voice, but she was far past the point of caring.  She wanted him to know how upset he was making her. She cleared her throat and tried not to let the tears spill onto her cheeks.  He would truly think her weak then, or maybe that she was trying to seek pity from him, which she  _ wasn’t. _   
  
"Best get to bed, then." The Doctor said it bluntly, like he couldn’t get rid of her fast enough.   
  
She took a step forward, not sure what she was going to do when she got up to him, but only knowing that she had to do something.  "Doctor, I-"   
  
"Good _ night _ , Rose."  This was a warning.  Go to bed now, don’t say anything.  Don’t do anything to make him think about anything that had happened over the past time.     
  
She would not cry in front of him.  Or rather, behind him. The last time she had let him see her cry was after she had seen her father.  The rest was done in private.  It should always be done in private, she learned that from him. She sniffed furiously, blinking back unreasonable tears.  "Goodnight."   
  
She walked down the hallway, knowing tomorrow probably wouldn't be much better.  Nothing would change.  This was how the Doctor and Rose were, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	24. Chapter 24

Rose walked to her room, her heart heavy and her head pounding.  She peeled off her gown and the skirts underneath, which she had been so proud to show John this afternoon, and threw it haphazardly to the side.  She would take care of it at some point, or the TARDIS would take pity on her and put it away.  Rose sent a mental message to the TARDIS that she shouldn’t worry about it, she’d take care of it a little later on.  Once she was feeling more like Rose Tyler again and less like Rose Smith.

Before the dance, she had wanted him to look at her and think about how much he loved her. And he had. He had wanted to bring her back to their room after the dance and now… Now all that was gone.

She looked in the mirror, feeling very small in just her shift.  She was used to wearing this to bed now, John’s warm body pressing against her back.  This was how she looked now.  Her hair was greasy and hung a little stringy, and somehow John had still found her attractive.  No one called her on her bottle blonde hair, even as her roots grew out.  She was not sure how she was going to move on from this.

In the beginning, this had seemed like almost a lark.  Babysit the Doctor, tag along on another adventure.  It wasn’t like that.  It was hard and beautiful and possibly the most magical and terrible weeks of her life.  It wasn’t  _ fair.  _

She couldn’t stop staring at her reflection.  She didn’t know who she was anymore, not really.  She had bags under her eyes from stress and lack of proper sleep, her eyes were bloodshot, and her skin was a little tanner where the sun had touched it.  Well, at least one good thing had happened in all of this.  Even if it was superficial and useless.

It didn’t matter if she was tanner, or prettier.  It didn’t even matter who she was anymore.  The Doctor was done with her, didn’t want her anymore.  And as much as it broke her heart, she was going to have to put the pieces back together herself.    

She smoothed her hands over herself.  No, she knew who she was.  She had to know, didn’t she?  If she didn’t know who she was, there was no way she was ever going to fix things with the Doctor.  She wasn’t sure she wanted to give up, even if that was what he was going to do.  He would forget her and move on, because that was what he did.  But not this time.  She wouldn’t let him, she  _ couldn’t.  _ Not because she couldn’t live without him, because she certainly  _ could,  _ but she didn’t want to.  Not after everything that had happened.  She couldn’t let it happen.  

She turned on the shower and stepped in, feeling the hot water on her back for the first time in weeks, washing away the grime and aches of 1913... As well as Mrs. Smith.

She let her head fall back, pulling her hair down in a soaking sheet down her upper back.  She washed her hair and scrubbed her skin until there was no more scrubbing to be done. Her skin was pink with how hard she had been rubbing it.  Her face was stinging as she wiped off a face that she felt wasn’t even hers anymore.  Maybe if she was finally able to wear mascara and eyeliner again she would feel normal once more.  That was all she wanted, was to be normal.  And normal was reading in the library with the Doctor and holding his hand and laughing with him.  

Sighing slowly, she shut the water up and wrapped herself in a towel.  She padded back into her bedroom, getting ready to look for proper nightclothes, when there was a knock at her door.

"Rose?" She heard his voice and tried not to get too excited.

"I'm not decent, Doctor, what is it?"  She tried not to sound so tired, but it was hard not to when she was feeling so exhausted.  

"I..." He cleared his throat, and she could practically feel him shifting around on his feet.  "I was wondering if you'd like to visit Timothy tomorrow, later in his timeline, like we promised."

Her heart sunk.  "Yeah, Doctor, that sounds good."  She said quietly, so quiet she wasn't sure he'd heard it.  "Doctor, I-"

"We'll speak later, Rose.  Get some rest."  His voice was tight and she tried to ignore the tears that brimmed in her eyes at the thought that he was going to be this firm with her forever. This was how employers talked to her, but never her friends, never the  _ Doctor.   _ If this was a dream, she wanted to wake up so badly.

She heard his footsteps retreating down the hall and she sank to the edge of her bed, biting down tears again.  How could he sound so cold?  Did he really hate her so much now?

Even so, he didn't tell her he was going to take her back to her mother; he had offered her the choice.  Of course, that didn't mean he wanted her around at all, did it?  Could be he'd just keep her around until after they meddled around in Timothy's life some more, and then ditch her out.  So long, enjoy your beans on toast, Rose, and thanks for propositioning me!

She finally summoned the will to get up and put proper clothes on.  After slipping on 21st Century sleepwear, something that felt completely foreign now, she crawled into bed.

It wasn't until she turned the lights out and got settled under the duvet that she realized how it felt, to be the only one in the bed.  To be alone, after being so close with someone. 

She was now used to falling asleep with an arm around her waist, pressed against someone from shoulder to hip, and warm breath ruffling her hair.  She was used to a body  _ right  _ up against her because he wanted to be close.  It wasn’t out of necessity.  It was because of a want and a need that she had always hoped to have with the Doctor, but it was something that could never exist.  Not after what she’d done.

Now, her back was cold, her side bearing no light weight, and nothing ruffling her hair at all.

She needed comfort after this, didn't he understand that?  Didn't he understand that even if he was going to send her home, she needed somebody? And she didn't want just anybody, she wanted the Doctor, just like she always had and always would. 

She wasn't even sure that she wanted John.

Yes, she missed him, in a very odd sort of way, but the time-travelling woman she had become recognized John as what he was: just part of the Doctor's subconscious.  So yes, John still existed, in that corner of the Doctor's mind, but he wasn't there with her and would probably never come out to play again, so Rose tried to equate the emotions to that of a very bad breakup.

But it was different, because the man she really loved was right in front of her, so to speak, in the console room.  That's where he probably was, anyway, or usually.

She wanted to go to him so badly.  Instead, she stayed in bed and finally let the tears she’d been holding back for so long spill over her cheeks.  This didn’t feel like a life she was living any more.  It felt wrong, and she didn’t like the idea of not being able to go to her best friend.  She had to remind herself that she didn’t really have a best friend any more.

It scared her, that there was nothing left for her now.  She didn’t have anywhere to go, anything to do.  Now that there wasn’t time travel, what was there.

The Doctor had done the one thing that he said he would never do: abandon her.

***

She powered through getting ready the next morning, not wanting to keep the Doctor waiting, after everything that had happened the night before.  She wasn't wearing anything extraordinary, jeans and a T-shirt, as per usual, but they felt foreign.  She wasn’t used to anything close around her legs, and so she almost wanted to just put a flowy skirt on.  But she also didn’t want him to think that she was trying to woo him or lead him on on some level. 

She walked to the galley, hoping to maybe not catch the Doctor there, but her hopes were dashed because she saw him there, at the counter, making toast and eggs.  She clenched her fists.  How dare he pretend that everything was alright?  How  _ dare  _ he stand there and make breakfast while like he did every morning and pretend that it was fine?

"Plenty for two," he said without turning around, or even starting at her arrival.  He always seemed to know when she was in the rooms, and it got on her nerves quite a lot.

"Thanks," she murmured, sliding into her usual seat at the table. 

He slid her the first plate as he started preparing the second one, and all at once she couldn't take it anymore.

"Why won't you look at me?" She blurted out, then sat heavily back in her chair as she realized what she said.

"What did you say?" The Doctor's voice was oddly gentle as he seemed to freeze at the counter.  She didn’t know what that particular gesture meant and it made her more nervous than she had expected it would..

"I said, why won't you look at me?" She asked, frustrated at the emotion that racked her voice.  "Am I really that despicable to you, now?  Whatever you're angry at me for, was it really so bad that you can't look at me?  At all, you haven't even glanced in my direction since you opened the watch!" She slammed her palm on the table and he jumped, but didn't turn.

"I didn't think you'd notice," he said, almost more to himself than her.  

"Of course I noticed," she spat back, her mild annoyance turning to absolute rage in her blood.  He was not allowed to treat her like this.  "You're my best mate, Doctor, I notice if you're avoiding me at all costs."

"I'm not avoiding you, here I am, speaking to you," he replied.

"But you won't look at me," she said timidly.

"But I held your hand last night," he pointed out.

"Only because I was in danger."  She replied, her voice sharp in a way that she was sure it had never been with him before. S he’d never really shouted at him before.  She’d been angry, but never had she raised her voice at him in anger.  

"I-"

"Please don't.” She cut him off with her words and a hand that he couldn’t see when she lifted it up.  “You haven't got any excuses, and I don’t think I want them," She whispered the last bit, afraid to voice what she really meant and said..  "It's fine, alright?  If you don't want me here, you only have to say so."

He sighed heavily.  He put his hand to his head, as though it was hurting him to keep it upright.  His eyes closed briefly and when he spoke, his voice was strangled and he sounded as though nothing in the universe was harder for him to say.  "No, Rose, that's not it, I don't want you to leave."

She looked at him, her eyes leveling on his profile.  His eyes didn’t even glance in her direction and she realized that now that she had cried all her tears, she was only angry She waited, staring at him, wishing he would give in and just look at her.  It didn’t appear that he was going to be headed that way any time soon, and so she had to give in. She pulled a bit of a face at him and said harshly,  "But don't you?"


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the worst!!! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to leave this un-updated for so long but I was in NYC over the weekend and I have a fever today, but luckily this was already mostly done, so I apologize for any errors my fever-addled brain forgot about. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"I don't want you to leave, Rose," the Doctor promised, sliding into the seat across from her. “I would never want you to leave, ever.  Please, let's not talk about this now, alright?  I've just received all of John's memories and I'm trying to sift through them."  He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes which weren't looking at her anyways.  "There's a lot of emotions running through me right now.  A lot.  Some of them I’m not sure I know how to deal with, and  I'm having trouble separating them all.  There's a random spike of worry in my hazier memories that's rather troubling."

"That was my fault," she said timidly, feeling the need to own up to it.  "I went to visit the TARDIS, and I sort of... Fell asleep there.  I didn't get home till after dark, and he went completely mad with worry.  I really didn’t mean it, I didn’t think he’d be that upset, but-"

"And he took you to bed."  His voice was so blunt, with no emotion behind it whatsoever, and it made her heart tumble into her stomach.  

She froze.  So he would remember that.  Of course he would, she smacked herself inwardly, it was his body, and his memories, and  _ of course he would remember. _  Who was she kidding, thinking that John's memories wouldn't impact him like this?  A foolish ape, that's who.

And that’s what she was.  A foolish ape in love with a Time Lord.  And she’d ruined that too, all of this, everything.  But it was true.  She’d let him come to her, let him wrap his body around hers, and she had enjoyed it because she had thought about the Doctor.  But as time had passed, she thought about John, and the Doctor.  They became the same to her, and it was tearing her apart. She had a feeling it was tearing him apart in a different way.  What could she do besides tell the truth?

"Yes," she finally admitted after a moment of silence, her voice quiet and small.  Even though he still couldn’t bring himself to so much as glance as her, she cast her eyes downward.  She’d admitted it, admitted that she had let John take her to bed.  She could deny enjoying her time with him, but she found that the words couldn’t leave her mouth, even with her permission.  She opened her mouth, but nothing came out and she clicked her jaw shut again, slipping back into her chair. She looked back at him, where he was staring at his hands.  His knuckles were white.  He didn’t seem to know what to say to that.  Perhaps he wasn’t expecting her to admit it so easily.  Not that she could lie, of course.  He’d been there.

"Mm hm," he nodded, his voice thoughtful and yet strained.  And he finally opened his eyes and fixed them on hers, making her breath catch and warm relief flood through her chest.  He was finally looking at her!  She decided not to draw attention to it, because the attention he was finally giving her was attention enough.  His eyes looked dark and intense and she couldn’t look away.  She didn’t even want to.  He was looking at her, eyebrows drawn, eyes searching hers, flicking back and forth like he was reading a book.  She wanted to be relaxed, and fall into his gaze.  But she tensed again at how he looked very thoughtful. Thinking was something he rarely did when he looked directly into her eyes. He was usually smiling or holding her hand or talking about a great adventure.  This had an intent she didn't understand and it scared her.

"I'm not angry with you," he said, his voice carefully calculated and level.   _ Too  _ carefully calculated.  No inflection in his voice, no Doctor-ish excitement that made laughter bubble from her.  Before she could think about it further, he spoke again, after a moment of thought.  "I'm really not.  But right now, we have to visit Timothy, alright?  I can't..." He closed his eyes again, isolating himself from her once again, breaking her heart all over again.  "I can't do this right now."

She nodded, then realized he couldn't see her.   _ “I can't do this right now”  _ was painfully familiar, used on her by Jimmy Stone to guilt her into crying at his feet, begging for forgiveness. She jolted herself. The Doctor was  _ not  _ Jimmy Stone.  He wasn't. He was a kind and compassionate man full of love. Just not for her. She ran a hand through her tangled hair. "Okay," she responded weakly, feeling quite helpless.  There wasn't much else she could say, really.

"Let's go, then," he said and briskly started to head towards the console room with Rose on his heels.  He didn’t look behind himself to see if she was following, which she knew he would’ve done in the past. This was all wrong, and she hated herself for it.  She wanted to hold his hand, or reach out and touch him in some way that would make him realize that she needed him in a way so profound that maybe, just  _ maybe,  _ he would feel the same way.

She simply seemed to forget the tension between them as he chattered on about Timothy's life (he looked it up, don't you know?) and told her about how he fought in wars, was so very brave, and they decided to visit him at a World War I Remembrance Day ceremony pretty well close to his death.

"It'll remind him of us," the Doctor said quietly, "I half expect he's forgotten."

"And why would he forget?" Rose asked.

"Don't know.” he answered honestly.  "There are lots of reasons to forget. He's old now, and all that.”

Rose thought about making a comment along the lines of 'so are you' but she remembered they weren't even on secure looking-at-each-other terms just yet and kept her mouth firmly closed.  She looked down at her feet and tried not to cry. She’d been doing too much of that as of late, and she didn't want to do it anymore. She wanted to be brave, but deep inside herself she knew the Doctor was the only man that could destroy her. 

A tiny voice whispered that he was also the only man that  _ wouldn't.  _

The Doctor sent them through the vortex, quiet, and not dancing around the way he usually did. After their trip they materialized close to the Remembrance Day site, but not close enough to cause any sort of disturbance. The two of them stepped out of the TARDIS and leaned against it quietly without regarding each other.

Timothy was easy to recognize because he was fiddling with the silver fob watch.  At the sound of the TARDIS he looked over and saw the Doctor and Rose.  His old face crinkled into a smile that he instantly shut off and started dabbing at his eyes, pretending to be so terribly moved that he had to leave for a moment.

Someone offered quietly to help him with his wheelchair, but Timothy refused with a dismissive wave of his hand and wheeled himself inconspicuously over to the Doctor and Rose.

"Neither of you have aged a day," he said, in a voice so awestruck that neither the Doctor or Rose could bear to correct him. 

He reached out a shaky hand for Rose and she took it, returning his warm smile.  "Oh, beautiful Mrs. Smith," Timothy said enthusiastically, a smile lighting his face.  "All the boys fancied you, some more obviously than others."  He winked at her and she had to laugh.

"That's very kind of you," she said.  "I trust you've done well?"

"Yes, fantastic actually," Timothy said.  He regarded the Doctor.  "Your watch gave me a vision," he said somberly, "And I remembered it during the war, remembered a bomb going off.  It saved my life.  I owe you everything, Doctor."

"I'm afraid you owe me nothing," the Doctor replied.  "I owe you quite a lot."  He tugged his ear, a sure sign that he was uncomfortable. 

"No," Timothy let go of Rose's hand and waved him off.  "Seems as though you and I both owe good Ms. Rose a lot."

The two men laughed quietly and the Doctor nodded almost imperceptibly.  "That we do," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.  He scratched the back of his neck, seeming to need something to do with himself. 

Timothy held up the watch and raised his eyebrows.  "Kept it," he said cheerfully.  "All these years, I kept it in my pocket, and I knew you'd come to see me before…. Well, we’re all going to die.”

“Yeah,” Rose said softly. 

“Don't look like that,” Timothy shook a finger at her. “I'm married, and I've got kids and grandkids. Because they live, I live.”

“Happy to hear it, Tim.”  The Doctor said with a smile. 

“Thank you for seeing me. Goodbye, Doctor, and Mrs. Smith."

Rose leaned forward and hugged him.  “Thank you,” she said. 

The old man nodded. “Anytime, fair Rose.” He said in a happy voice that made Rose think that maybe all of this was worth it after all.  She was hurt, yes, bud didn’t everyone get hurt?  She resisted the urge to bite her lip and smiled instead, wanting him to think that she was alright.  It wouldn’t do to have the poor old man worrying after her.

The Doctor and Rose bid him goodbyes and he offered them a last smile before 'composing himself' and heading back to the ceremony, where he was gladly accepted by who Rose assumed were his family.

"He's a good man, Doctor," Rose said in a hushed voice as Timothy joined the back of the small crowd, "But why did you say you owed him?  What could you possibly owe him?"

"I wouldn't have opened the watch without him, Rose, I know I wouldn't have," the Doctor seemed to be rushing his words, just to make sure he said them.  "His taking it and trying to give it to the Family... Well, it awoke something in me, some instinct to survive.  I still didn't want to open it until later, though."  He tugged his ear again.

Rose opened her mouth but shut it again when she realized she knew exactly why he didn't want to open it until later.  Those last kisses had meant everything to John Smith.  And in some way, they had meant everything to her, too.  She missed fleeting touches and determined kisses and moments where his eyes dug into her with affections he would never understand and probably would never receive again. 

She was ruined for other men.  That was the long and short of it.  She wanted to think that perhaps he was ruined too.  But was that what she wanted?  To ruin the man she loved so that he couldn’t be with anybody else?  

She realized, very, very selfishly, that yes, that was exactly what she wanted.

After a few moments, she found the courage to speak again, though her voice sounded a little more choked than she would’ve liked.  "Right," she said quietly, nodding more to herself than him.

"Rose, I promise we'll speak later," he said, his voice earnest and strained at the same time..  "I can’t leave you, and I… I hope you won’t leave me.  I just can't right now, I need…” He seemed like he was struggling for the final answer, her death blow, so he finished with a very intelligent, “So... Hush?"

It was a question, not a demand.  But she still agreed to it, realizing it was not worth it to put up a fight about it. And shortly after he asked of it, his hand carefully and tentatively reached out and laced their fingers together, his fingertips touching her before she let him take her hand, as they looked on at the Remembrance Day ceremony and not each other.

They had never been this separate from each other before, and they were standing right next to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness me, I still cannot shake this fever, but somehow I managed to get some writing done
> 
> The next chapter is the relief from all the angst! This is the tail end of it. Two more chapters to go!
> 
> For my next story I'm thinking about reworking my very first story, because it had potential but I had no idea what I was doing at the time.

The Doctor and Rose were nowhere near where they had been before the whole 1913 ordeal. It was awkward, and Rose could never figure out why, because it wasn't like it was really him who did those things.

But it  _ was  _ Rose. It was her decision to go to bed with him, to be free with kisses and embraces. It was her fault he was uncomfortable around her and she couldn't say that she blamed him. Who would, when it came down to it? Whenever she thought about apologizing, she could only think along the lines of "Ah, yes Doctor, I really am sorry I propositioned you, or maybe you propositioned me? Either way, we cuddled in bed every night and you probably hate that, but I'd quite like to do it again, if that's alright."

No matter what, though, it needed to be said.  Something needed to be said, at any rate. She needed to talk to him, because they couldn't carry on this way, not if they didn’t want to part ways.  And she knew that neither of them wanted to leave each other, no matter how difficult things really got. Even though the TARDIS was infinite, they still lived together in it and she planned to stay for a very long time, so she decided it had to be done, no matter how afraid she was or how weird or uncomfortable the situation might be.

The days passed in awkward stolen glances and very few words.  They ran into each other in the library and read together, but not together at all.  Usually, they would snuggled up on the couch, one of the Doctor’s arms around her shoulders as he settled his book in his lap.  Now, whenever she entered the room, he was already sitting in his arm chair, completely closing her off.  She took the couch herself, but could barely read without thinking to look over at him. 

“I’m gonna go to bed,” She said one night, closing her book and standing up.  He looked up at her and smiled a little.  His eyes were more open than she had ever seen them before, and she took that as a good sign. 

“Sleep well,” he said softly.  She managed to smile back at him before ducking her head and leaving the room without so much as a hug.  He was less ‘bouncy puppy’ now and more ‘closed off, sad, old dog’.  The difference was not very subtle and she kept blaming herself for it.  Something had to be done, and she had a feeling that the Doctor wasn’t going to be the one to do it.  He was always a bit timid when it came to feelings, and she would be foolish to think that this would be any different.

The days dragged, on , and it wasn’t long after her frustrated started to mount before Rose leaned onto the dining room table in the galley, her chin in her hand, and said to the Doctor, "I think it's about time we talked."

The Doctor's initial reaction was panic, because what if she wanted to talk about feelings and things? He couldn't do that. But he promised her that they'd talk later, and a few days later was better than the dancing around each other they were doing.  It was dreadfully awkward and it didn’t suit them at all.

Although, it was rather respectful of Rose to keep her distance. She respected his space, and he didn't think he'd ever found someone who did that, even with as infinite as the TARDIS was.  Companions tended to be rather clingy, but never Rose.  She respected him, wanted to be near to him, but she had known what he needed and let him have it.  He owed her so much for simply that.

Rose raised her eyebrows, waiting for a response, as he had just been staring at her for the past few minutes, thoughts rocketing through his big, genius brain. She cocked her head at him, listening for his response patiently.

He snapped to attention. "Right," he whispered. "I thought you would."

She nodded in response, knowing there had to be more to his response than that.  A man of so many words could not be satisfied with simply “I thought you would”.  When she didn’t say anything, clearly waiting for him, the Doctor heaved a rather aggressive sigh and leaned forward onto the table, elbows pressed against the top.  His shoulders were up near his ears and she wondered just how tense he might be after all this time.  However, his next words stopped any intelligent thought.  "Did you love him?"

She felt her eyebrows shoot up towards her hairline and she blinked at him, noting the worry that was settled in his eyes. "Who?” She asked, and then suddenly understood, with a crushing weight of guilt that she had thought she had avoided for a little while.  “Oh.  John?"

"Yes, of course John, who else would I be talking about?" The Doctor sounded frustrated and he was talking and breathing very fast.  She sat back in his seat, surprised at his tone with her.  She wrung her hands and lifted a shoulder, trying to figure out the best way to respond.

She shook her head.  "Doctor, I only knew him for-"

"I know, Rose.” He interrupted her, holding his hand up for a moment. “I know. I remember everything, from all the time that I was John, everything I thought or did or said. All of it." He leaned back in his chair, heaving another sigh. "Every single bit, every moment.  Rose."

She raised her eyebrows.  She already knew that, but she felt the need to prod him, to get him to say exactly what it was that he remembered.  She wanted him to remember, in an odd way, but she wasn’t sure that  _ he  _ wanted to remember.  So she swallowed hard and replied timidly, "Everything?"

He leveled his gaze, focusing his eyes on her for several long moments, the longest time he'd made eye contact with her for days, causing her breath to hitch a little. "Yes, Rose," he said darkly. "Everything."

"Maybe we don't need to talk," she said hurriedly, standing up and clearing the dishes so rapidly she almost cracked one.  Her hands shook and she swore quietly and mentally apologized to the TARDIS for being so rough with her cutlery.  

Maybe she  _ didn’t  _ need to know what he remembered.  Maybe things were better off awkward and strained.  Putting out their dirty laundry wasn’t really necessary, was it?  No, it couldn’t be. She set them in the sink and turned the faucet on before opening the dishwasher before realizing she should probably speak, wrap this all up in his confusion. "I'll take care of this, we're fine, yeah? You and me, we're good?"

"Rose, why are you-" He started, confused.  Hadn’t she wanted to talk about this?

"I'm sure you've got something to fix in the TARDIS, right? Putter about under the console for awhile. Like you usually do in the evenings," She waved her hand about as she spoke, her voice rushed and panicked. "Maybe read later?" She instantly remembered nights reading with John. "No, scratch that, not reading, or, um, reading separately, but it'll keep you occupied until morning."

"Well, time is relative-"

"-On the TARDIS, I know. My time, London time, yeah?"

The Doctor sat stunned for a moment. She was the one who wanted to talk, so why was she brushing him off and pushing him away?

Rose felt her breathing pick up, her hands shaking as she pushed the dishes around in the sink without actually cleaning any of them. She just wanted to look busy, that was all, busy.  She might have fooled him, too, if he had stayed confused, but the Doctor was quick, and although she was quick as well, her emotions were clouding her quite firmly.

She didn't know he'd remember things vividly, enough to be able to speak about the whole ordeal with a great deal of details. Details were the very thing she wished he wouldn't remember. Or, so she had thought.  She wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore, she just wanted to know what he wanted so that all of this would stop being so confusing.

But at least he was looking at her now.

She didn't hear the Doctor stand behind her or approach her, but when she felt his hands on her shoulders she jumped nearly violently, and he murmured an apology.

He hadn’t touched her since holding her hand at Remembrance Day, and she wanted… Oh, she wanted.  But this was a platonic touch, which was more than she had received from him in so long.  The instincts she had had as a married woman told her to lean her head back against his chest and close her eyes, letting him massage her shoulders.  

That was what he did for a moment, massaged her shoulders, thumbs pressing gently into her t-shirt. She loved his touch, was becoming rather obsessed with it.  His skin was cool, making it feel so different, compared to John, but she realized she wanted this more than she had wanted John.

"Why are you shaking?" He asked after a few moments, his hands rubbing up and down her arms, his voice sounding a little hurt.

She tried to go back to the task at hand and stop the nervous energy coursing through her. "I didn't know I was, I guess I'm just cold."

He seemed to know that she was lying, as he didn’t remove his hands from her.  After a moment of blank hesitation, filled with a powerful tension, he whispered, "I  _ want _ to talk."

Her hands stilled. "What about?" She asked slowly.

"What happened between you and John." His own voice sounded hesitant, and she was afraid to turn and look at him, afraid to see the disappointment that was certainly there, and why shouldn't it be? Why shouldn't he be ashamed of her, she basically took advantage of him, didn't she?

She sighed, a long sigh to keep her from answering too many questions too quickly. "What about it?"

His hands tightened on her shoulders, preventing her from going anywhere. "I know what happened."

Her head fell forward in defeat. "I figured you might when you said you remembered everything, Doctor," she said, a bit sarcastically.  It was an immature defense mechanism, but somehow, it made her feel a little better.

He huffed quietly and she felt him shake his head.  "I'm not angry, but you seem to think I am."

"You're not?" Disbelief crept into her voice at the very thought.

"No," his voice changed, something less dark but still just as heavy entering it. He took a step forward, until his chest was pressed up against her back. She lifted her head slowly, afraid of colliding with his nose.

He hadn’t been this close to her in so long, and she felt her eyes flutter shut, living the fantasy of needing to be close to him.  It was almost blissful and she was not sure what, exactly, he was going to say.  But she could feel it in the air, the quiet right before he spoke, before the silence around them was shattered.

His hands were still on her, still touching her arms gently, now on bare skin under her t-shirt sleeves.  His touch was cool but she still felt as though his palms were burning through her and learning her every secret. 

It didn’t matter.  She had nothing to hide, from him, especially not now, not after everything had happened.  Not that she could, even if she tried.

She could feel his warm breath ruffling her hair as he huffed out a harsh sigh, ghosting her skin. He was so close to her now, his nose almost pressed to her neck.  She didn’t know what he thought he was doing, but it was making her feel a bit weak at the knees.  His voice, when it came, was rumbling and low in a way that she had never heard it before.  His words trailed heat across her skin and she shivered.

 "You have to know by now.  I'm tired of pretending, Rose."

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TENSION ABATED!!!!!! Sorry that took so long, it was actually starting to bother me. 
> 
> I'm not sure what to write next, since there is only one more chapter of this! Thoughts? I'm now taking requests!

Rose's breathing rate increased so much she thought she might hyperventilate and pass out. She had a bit of trouble forcing out any words at all.  She whispered softly, "Pretending?"

"I think you are too," his arms wrapped themselves securely around her waist, his chin on her shoulder.  She let her eyes close as she reveled in his touch but she had to acknowledge that they weren’t exactly done talking yet.  _ Yes  _ he was touching her and  _ yes  _ it was brilliant, but it wasn’t enough.  She needed to know where he was coming from, what was going on.  The change was too fast for her brain to keep up with.

"Wait a second," her voice was breathless. "Why now? You wouldn't even look at me before."

The Doctor spun her around, leaning into her, his fringe brushing her forehead.  Her hands came up to grip his arms and she felt her breathing pick up once more.  She wasn’t sure where this was going, but she could feel nervousness radiating between them.  He breathed out and finally said softly, "I was jealous of myself, of John," the Doctor began, focusing on her eyes to prove a point. "I wanted what he had with you, and I didn't know how to handle that. I wasn't angry that you did those things, I was angry that it wasn't me."

"But it was!" Rose pointed out, frustrated.  For a genius, he could really be stupid when he put his mind to it.  "It was you, your subconscious!  Your… Your body."

"My subconscious places you as something much higher than wife," the Doctor snapped back, his eyes dilating so there was only a ring of brown around his irises.  His hands flexed against her waist and he drew her marginally closer.  Her hands clutched him tighter at the motion, because she had  _ missed  _ his touch so much, and was happy he was with her.  Well, maybe not with her.  Oh, he was talking again.  "But the human subconscious in me picked wife, because it couldn’t think of anything better.  Although, being your husband was… Wonderful.”

"So it wasn't... Randomly selected?" Rose asked, her eyes trying to focus on his but it kept dropping to his mouth, which was open with his deep breaths.

"Nothing with you is ever random, Rose Tyler. Ever." His voice was firm and a shiver ran through her.

She pounded a fist wet from the dishwater on his chest in frustration, and she watched as a droplet of water dripped down his jawline, barely restraining the urge to chase it with her tongue.  She missed being open to touch him, when just last week she would’ve been allowed to lean forward and do exactly what she wanted to.

"I dreamed about you," she whispered, not realizing that she wanted to admit it.  It somehow seemed incredibly important that he know, and she couldn’t explain why. "When I was with him," she clarified.  “Dreams of you, not John… You.”

His hands tightened on her waist even more, his hands fisting in her shirt.  She closed her eyes and let his breath pass over her face as he leaned even closer to her.  Tension vibrated between them and Rose almost didn’t hear him when he spoke.

"What happened, Rose? Do you remember?"  His voice was urgent, as though it was the most important thing that he had ever asked her.  This, her dreams of him, how she perceived him when she had been with his other version.

She nodded, opening her eyes again to look straight into his.  The brown eyes boring into hers made her feel like the most important woman in the world.  She had never been looked at like this.  His affection radiated through her, and she shivered a little.  She swallowed, trying to remember what she was talking about.  He made it so easy to forget.  "Yeah, I remember. You always talked to me in the console room. You asked me why I didn't make you say what I wanted you to, because it was my dream."

"What did you want?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her forehead that made her sigh in a sad sort of dreamy way.

She let her eyes flutter closed. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters," he said firmly, his voice forcing her eyes open again.  “Every word that you say matters to me.”  He pressed impossibly closer. "What did you want me to say, Rose?"  His words were strained, drawing her into him, like she suddenly needed him to breathe.

She choked on a small sob, her hands fisting his jacket.  His lips were hovering near her forehead again, and it was all she could do to not press into him.  "It's not something you'll ever say, Doctor, you just won't.  That’s not why I told you about my dreams."

“But that’s why I want to hear about it.”  He moved his face so that his breath ghosted across her lips. "Say it."  He whispered.

She wasn’t sure how she got the strength to say it.  It had burned through her for so long that it was hard to fight back, especially with him so close to her, and so willing to hear what she had to say.  There must have been something, something to make him feel this way, something to change him.  It was powerful and pulled at her like nothing else ever had.  

It was that, and the trusting look on his beautiful face, and the longing she was sure that was present on her own, that let the words leave her lips.

"I just want you to love me." she whispered, afraid if she spoke too loudly that he would startle and run off into the depths of the TARDIS.  She wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he did, with all his flighty tendencies.  She wasn’t even sure if she would blame him.

The moment that followed was so heavy Rose could almost taste it. It only consisted of her breath mixing with the Doctor's, something she thought was very lovely indeed.

His voice matched the shocked look in his eyes. "You... You think I don't?"

Her eyes locked on his in challenge.  He had to stop assuming she knew things because he insinuated them.  All this, all the second guesses and pretending, had to end now, or she was going to go mad.  "I know you don't."

He huffed out a breath and all of a sudden his mouth was on hers, kissing her fiercely, trying to show her through one kiss how much he really did love her, trying to leave her no room for any doubt at all.

The moment Rose came to her senses, she responded rather enthusiastically, hooking her arms around his neck, allowing herself more space.  Space that she quickly eliminated by getting as close to him as she could physically.  His arms wrapped around her so tight that she was having trouble breathing, though she couldn’t bring herself to pull away from him.  She had felt so isolated from him, and now she knew that he didn’t want her to go home,  _ he wanted her to stay.   _ And for more than just friendly companionship, at that.  This was the start of something more incredible and Earth-stopping than anything she had ever had with John. 

Her hands ran into his hair and she curled her fingers around the strands, tugging until he gasped and deepened the kiss, needing to touch her just as badly as she needed to touch him.  Her breath was getting harder to catch and she didn't even care.

He tugged at her shirt to get her attention and pulled away from her, listening to her heavy breathing. "Rose," he whispered. "Don't ever." He kissed her deeply again, "Doubt" again "That I-" he interrupted himself and kissed her so harshly that he forgot they were talking about something very important indeed. After a few moments, she pulled away, and they stared at each other, dazed.

"That you what, Doctor?" She asked, her eyes searing into his. "What?   Answer me," she demanded.

He stopped, uncharacteristically breathless.  It seemed as though his respiratory bypass was not helping him at the moment.  He licked his lips, now suddenly feeling insecure that he was going to confess. This was the point of no return, and they both knew it.

"Did you love him, Rose?" He said instead.

Rose sighed, disappointed. "Doctor, I didn't know him very long. I really didn't. He was a part of my life, and a good one, but I just wanted you back."

"You're not lying? You know, lying is punishable by death in many-"

"I know all that," she snapped, irritated that he would even try to go and start on a tangent when they were discussing something so important.  "I know what I did but you said you weren't angry at me for doing it, and so you don't get to keep pulling it up in my face because you're mad it wasn't you."

She huffed, finally having got that touch of anger out of her system. She glared at him, trying not to be distracted by his dark gaze that was digging into her with all sorts of things she couldn't read.  It was starting to kill her, how he could close off like that.

"You don't... Want him back?"  He asked, uncertain. 

"No," she said quietly. "I met a different part of you through him, and that was good. But I just wanted you, alright? Oh, never mind," she said tearfully, pushing him away.  She’d had enough of his  indecisive nature.  Either he wanted her or he didn't, but he didn’t get to keep jerking her around for no reason.  She’d explained everything to her and he was still pushing her.  All she wanted was him, and he couldn’t see that.  "You can just keep on believing I wanted him if you'd like, I'm going to my room.  You can find me once you’ve figured out what you want."

The Doctor watched her walk towards the door, stunned, and then decided she wasn't getting away from him that easily. He busted through the door after her, and whirled her around before grabbing her hand so she wouldn't run off again.

"What's your game, Doctor? Why can't you just be honest with me?" She shouted as his fingers clenched tightly around hers, in a gesture familiar and crushing all at once. She bit back tears, not wanting him to see how all this was affecting her.

"Because you terrify me, Rose Tyler," he said, his voice rushed because there was no nerve left to say it. "Every time I look at you I forget that I'm supposed to be lonely and miserable, that I’m to suffer for the wrongs I committed against my people and against you, and any companion I’ve ever had.  But I'm miserable because I can't be closer to you, and I want to be closer to you," he pushed in for a quick kiss before continuing. "And I'm very afraid that I'm rather in love with you."

She paused, looking shocked. She reached up and grabbed him by the face, pulling him down into a very deep snog. The Doctor pushed her fully against the wall, getting her closer in a desperate need to touch her..

Rose gasped and pulled away when she started struggling for breath, looking the Doctor in the eyes. "Do you mean that?"  She demanded.

He nodded and blinked slowly before staring at her.  "I do."

She smoothed her hands down his cheeks, and kissed his cheek. "I love you too, Doctor."

And those were the words that made him pull her up into what was quite possibly the most crushing and passionate embrace of her life.  His kisses were like fire and his hands were ever gentle.  It felt monumental, and she needed him.  For the first time, she realized that he needed her too.

She was certain, and this time, she was  _ one hundred percent certain,  _ that she had never, ever been loved like this before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?�


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am speechless at the amount of love this story has received. I would love to know what you guys would want to see from me, I want to make you guys as happy as this story made you!
> 
> Also, thanks for quoting stuff when you leave me comments <3 it makes me so, so happy!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (I might do an epilogue, if you guys want)

His kisses were ravenous, as though he couldn’t get enough of her, and it reminded her, oh so briefly, of a time when John had been forceful, but not at all in a bad way. She pulled back from him, letting him kiss her jawline and down her neck until he reached the collar of her shirt. He stopped there, his breathing rough and his hands locked on her.

“Doctor?” She whispered softly, needing a response from him, or she was actually going to go insane. He pulled up to face her, his eyes locked firmly on hers, making her breath hitch in surprise. He’d fixed her with a glare or two in the past, but she had never seen him look at her with this sort of one-mindedness. She swallowed and waited for him to speak, as she could practically see the wheels of thought turning in his head.

“I love you,” he said determinedly, his words touching her deep inside. She smiled, finding it a little watery, and he continued, his shaky hands reaching up to cup her face. He leaned closer to her, his fringe brushing her forehead. “I don’t ever want you to doubt me again,” he said earnestly. “I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t love you. Because I do.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered, almost afraid to talk too loud in case the universe would shatter around them. The Doctor didn't seem concerned about that any more, as he laughed with an odd sort of hysterical happiness that made her heart swell to twice its size in her chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him close to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and hauled her up against him, holding her off the ground. He started walking down the hall and Rose got the hint, wrapping her legs around his waist so that she wasn’t just dangling in the way of his legs. He hiked her up even higher.

“Are you catching my drift?” he asked her, his voice rumbling against her nose, where it was pressed to his neck.

She giggled. “I certainly hope so,” she said softly.

“I love you,” He whispered again. He seemed to be saying it whenever the thought entered his head, which would be a lot if that was true. Either time, every time the words slipped past his lips she fell a little more in love with him, feeling safe now that she knew every one of her feelings were returned.

She knew they reached a room when he kicked the door open. He settled her down on her feet with a little prompting and leaned back to look at him in the face. His eyes were dark in the equally darkened room, and she realized that this was more important than anything she had shared with John.

“I need you to understand this, before we can continue,” he said softly.

She nodded, stroking his cheek, hoping to encourage him. “Tell me,” she said softly, “What is it?”

“This is… This is important, to Time Lords. Everything we did was different when I was John because I was, for all intents and purposes, completely human. For Time Lords, it’s a bonding process.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, furrowing her brows, feeling a little confused.

He brushed his fingers over her temples and leaned down to kiss her. He didn’t go into her mind, not exactly, but she could feel him, feel how close he was, feel his happiness and how wonderful she made him feel. She sighed and fell into his touches, opening her mind to him all the way. He gasped in surprise as he was able to see her mind fully.

“How did you do that?” he whispered, and she wasn’t sure if it was in her mind or if he had spoken it. She just breathed heavily and shook her head, unsure.

“Dunno. You talk about how you can hear and feel the TARDIS sometimes, I just thought I could-”

“You did, that’s what’s so astonishing.” his smile widened and he cupped her cheek in his hand. “You have always been remarkable, Rose, there has always been…” he shook his head, laughing breathlessly, “You beautiful, perfect woman.”

She blushed. He’d said nice things to her before, but never like this. This was spoken straight out of love,and it pierced her heart in a way she would never be able to explain. She was almost waiting for a shrug and for him to say “for a human.”

He didn’t. He just kept looking at her like she was the most important being in the universe. He stepped closer to her and ran his hands up the back of her shirt, pulling her close up against him so he could kiss her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, needing to be even closer to him.

With his hands against her bare skin, he could feel her mind more completely, and he gently asked if he could come in. Her heart soared and she threaded her hands through his hair, bringing him closer, feeling his mind thrum when she made contact with the skin at his temples.

This was what it meant to be a Time Lord. She could feel his joy at having her in his mind as he opened his mouth against hers and pressed closer to her, pushing her towards the bed and lowering her onto it gently, taking his time to worship her mind and body.

“Rose Tyler,” he murmured against her neck before biting down. “You are mine.”

“That makes you mine,” she replied, her eyes closed, not able to focus on anything but that essence of his mind flowing through her.

“Yours,” he whispered, and she barely heard him say it. His mouth lowered to her neck and latched on, making her gasp, and she almost felt her brain white out with the sensation. He got closer to her, hands on either side of her on the bed. Oh yes. He was definitely hers now.

Rose had gotten used to John, how his hand was warm in hers, and had sort of forgotten the coolness of the Doctor's palm against hers. She didn't know how she hadn't missed it more before now, his fingers laced through hers and reminding her just what it felt like to be touched by him.

And he loved her, oh, he loved her, and he never wanted her to doubt that again, no matter what happened in either of their lives. She would be gone at some point, he knew that. But he was a man who knew a trick or two.

They ended up reading that night in what he was now calling ‘their’ bed, her head pillowed on the space underneath his shoulder and her fingers drawing lazy circles on his chest. His arm came to wrap around her shoulders, and one around her waist, tucking her into him protectively.

"How long, Rose? How long until you get bored?" He blurted out as he struggled to keep from looking down into her eyes, his tone cautious.

"Of you?" Her voice sounded surprised, and her fingers ceased their stroking motion..

"Yes, of me." He admitted, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, as though hoping to change her answer. He was sure she’d want a proper family someday, and no matter what he did, he wasn’t sure if it was biologically possible for him to give it to her. It was something that had crossed her mind before, but it wasn’t anything that worried her. If she couldn’t have a family with the Doctor, than she didn't want a family at all.

"Never," she replied quickly, in response to his completely ridiculous question. She wrapped the hand that had been drawing circles fully around him, pulling him into a sideways, laying-down hug that wasn’t exactly comfortable, but neither of them could bear to move.. "Gonna stay forever, think I told you that." She pressed a kiss to his chest, as though to seal the whole idea.

He paused, and tipped her chin so she was looking up at him at an awkward angle. "Would you like to?" He whispered, afraid to even offer to her what he was suggesting.

Rose shifted so she was situated more on top of him than next to him and could look into his eyes better. "What's that mean?" She asked tentatively, feeling unsure. "You've got me forever." She reached up to stroke his cheek and he closed his eyes against the motion for a moment before nodding and opening his eyes again, needing to look her in the face to have a conversation so serious.

She understood how important this was to him. Usually, he would hide from himself. Not anymore, she realized. This was the last time he would back away from her. She could hear the TARDIS’s happy humming now, and the Doctor’s mind whirring gently like white noise in the back of her head. She smiled down at him, trying to encourage him.

"I've got you for your forever," he corrected her, stroking a hand down her back and holding her there, needing to touch her somehow to keep himself grounded. "And that's brilliant,” he insisted, “Please don’t think I’m trying to diminish how important that is, because I understand, truly. But how would you like to be with me for... My forever?"  
She arched an eyebrow. "You'll outlive me by centuries, Doctor, that's impossible." She made sure her voice was gentle, not wanting to crush the dreams that were obviously cropping up in his head.

"That's what I thought," he admitted, raising his eyebrows at her, as though that itself would prove his point to her. "I was thinking, just now, about how on other planets in the future, you could, well, undergo treatment, see, to help you live a couple hundred more years." He added quickly, "If you want. I would never expect you to do it if you didn’t want to."  
She stopped for a moment, and then her face broke out into a wide grin. "What do you mean 'if I want'? Of course I do!" She leaned forward, kissing him rather thoroughly before pulling back and laying her head on his chest, squeezing him tightly around the waist.

"Well," he began, "I thought you might not want to outlive your mum," he said, returning her embrace rather enthusiastically.

"Who knows, Doctor? You might miss home by a mile and I'll outlive her anyways," She replied. "The world, especially our world, is unpredictable. We don’t know where we’ll end up and when we’re gonna die. But you know what this means?"

"What's that?" He asked, a smile blooming over his face. God, she thought to herself, he looked so happy she could barely stand it.

"No more French tarts." She tried to keep a straight face, but she was smiling a little. He squeezed her tighter.

He snorted in laughter, "Done."He said. “Although, I wasn’t-”

“I know.”

He kissed the crown of her head. “It’s always been you, Rose. Nobody else.”

She closed her eyes and let the love he was feeling for her wash over her, burying her deep in a comforting warmth. She let his fingers trace over her skin, making her feel safe and wanted, in a way that she had never been before. “One more condition,” She said.

“Okay, yes, tell me,” he said, willing to do anything just to please her, if it meant she would stay with him.

"No more sendin' me away." She said seriously, pressing her nose to his skin.

His fingers curled into her back, tugging her ever closer. "Done." And she could tell that he meant it this time.

"And no more gettin' jealous of yourself."

“I thought you said one more condition!” He laughed.

“I thought of another one,” She mumbled sheepishly into his skin.

He pressed a kiss to her hair, then pushed her away to kiss her forehead and cheeks before capturing her lips. "Shouldn't have that problem again, should I?"

She laughed. "I hope not." She said. “But what you said, about those treatments? Tell me about that.”

The Doctor lay on his side, so he could face her when he spoke. He reached out and touched her waist, needing to be close to her. “Well, mostly it’s injections, to build up the immune system and the health of the skin. Or you go in a chamber for a week, and every time you go, it adds onto your lifespan.”

He was not expecting for her to lean over and slap him softly on the chest.

“What?” He asked, “I thought you’d be happy.”

“I am happy, you git,” she whispered, “But why didn't you tell me about this ages ago?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t want you to do it and then resent me for it. I needed you to be sure. I still need you to be sure, as a matter of fact. I would never have you do anything like this without you wanting to. Please believe me when I say that.”

“I do,” she assured him. “I just wish we could’ve found our way to here sooner,” she said softly. “I love being here, with you.”

“I love you,” he said again, blurting it out and making her blush.

“Love you, too,” she said, “And yes, I want to do the treatments. Not the chambers though, just injections. Can’t stand being away from you for weeks at a time.” She cuddled up close to him, tugging the covers closer around them to keep them warm.

"When do you want to start our forever, then?" he murmured, nuzzling her neck.

She smiled to herself. "I think we already have."

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO nobody twisted my arm to write this epilogue, but it's nice that you guys wanted it :)
> 
> ALSO I did get a request for an AMAZING AU that I definitely want to write in the future. I will have to rewatch Single Father and plan this one farther ahead, so it will appear after An Unwilling Arrangement and another historical fantasy AU that I've had planned for a bit. But it is coming because I loVED it and am absolutely obsessed with it. A couple of people have requested a Single Father rewrite, and while I won't rewrite the miniseries, I will be taking Mr. Tiler out for a spin (but his name will still be John)
> 
> I usually like to have a cannon-esque story running along with the AU one instead of two AUs so if anyone has original universe Doctor/Rose multichapter requests I'll take them still :)

 

The days and weeks passed in a way that made Rose feel that this was what life was supposed to be like.  The relationship she had with the Doctor was much the same, except now he introduced her to aliens as his ‘bondmate’ or ‘wife’, and every time it made her heart swell.  

The continued life that she lived made her happy beyond belief.  She sat in the galley, her feet up on her chair, knees pressed against the table.  She nursed a cup of tea, waiting for the Doctor to come in.  He hadn’t been there when she woke up, which usually meant that he was working on something that the TARDIS had told him needed immediate attention.  It never bothered her, not when she knew what it was. 

He strode in in just his shirtsleeves and trousers, something that was also common since their relationship had changed.  He bent over and kissed her before heading to the stove to rustle up the rest of breakfast, and to pick up the cup of tea that she had set out for him.  The TARDIS, being the magnificent ship that she was, kept it warm for him.  

“Good morning,” he told her, grinning over his shoulder at her.  

“Good morning.  Is the TARDIS okay?”

“She is now,” he said, “Had some circuiting trouble.  She should be alright.” he hesitated for a moment.  “Are you ready?”

She was going to have her first treatment, to extend her lifespan.  The Doctor and Jackie had come to an understanding on it that Rose had not expected.  Of course, all Jackie had wanted was for her daughter to be happy.  And now, with the Doctor, she was. 

“Yeah,” she said, smiling, “A little nervous, though.”

“It’s just a little shot,” the Doctor said, trying to be encouraging.  “Every dose is just a little shot.”

“I know,” She said, “And I know it’s not dangerous, but I’m just-”

“Rose,” he said seriously, “If there was even a tiny, tiny percent chance that you would be hurt, I would never suggest it,” his voice was firm and sure.  “I will never put you in danger, Rose.”

She looked at him, surprised.  “Of course I know that, Doctor,” she said, trying to be soothing.  

He finished rustling up their breakfast and set down a plate of bacon and eggs next to her before sitting next to her at the table.  He leaned over and kissed her again before tucking in.  She set her mug down and her feet on the floor before leaning over and running her hand through his hair.  He looked up at her, surprised. 

“What?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips.   
“I love you,” she whispered, wanting him to understand just how much she meant it.  He grinned at her, full force, and leaned closer to her.

“I love you too.  Eat your breakfast.”

The Doctor was right.  Her treatments were virtually painless and she felt very safe with the Doctor standing next to her.  This was all she needed.  He held her hand in the sterile white hospital every time, and every time, her life extended, and her forever grew with the Doctor’s.  She wouldn’t age, and that scared her, of course it did, but she knew it was what would make her truly happy.  All she had wanted since she had come traveling with the Doctor was to be with him. Well, maybe not since their first trip, but certainly somewhere along the way.  

She fiddled with her hands as she sat next to her mother on the couch.  “I have to ask you something,” she said.

“What is it?” Jackie asked, raising her eyebrows. “It’s not the treatments, is it?  You’re not sick?”

“No, quite the opposite,” she said, running a nervous hand through her hair. “I have to tell the Doctor something, and I’m not quite sure how he’s going to react.”

“Well, darling, he loves you, so I’m sure you couldn’t say anything that could make him upset.” Jackie settled her hand over her daughter’s. “And you don’t… You don’t regret your decision to live longer, do you?”

“No,” Rose shook her head. “I don’t regret it, though it does… It scares me, being like him, but he didn't make me do it.  It’s something even more permanent than that.”

Jackie, being the absolutely astute woman that she was, threw her arms up and squealed with joy.  This was the moment that Rose would remember for the rest of her life.  Her mother leaned across and hugged her, laughing and making Rose laugh right along with her.  

A little girl from the estate, who dropped school to be with a man who only wanted to cheat on her, had become a savior of the universe, with her one true love. 

Jackie thought, rather dreamily, that  _ that  _ was some of the stuff of fairytales.  

She had to tell the Doctor though, sooner or later. She found him in the library, flipping through a book that was in his lap.  It seemed as though he didn’t have any real interest in it, was just looking through it to pass the time.  

“Doctor?” She called into the room, trying to get his attention.  He looked up, a wide smile on his face, and patted the seat on the couch next to him.  

“Come here,” He said, and she hurried over to him, settling herself close to him, draping both of her legs over one of his.  He put his arm around her shoulders and drew her close.  “Hello,’ He said, eyes crinkling as he smiled widely at her. 

She giggled and wiggled her toes at him.  “I have a question for you,” she said, almost near a whisper.

“Yes, my love, what is it?” He asked, nudging his nose against hers, coaxing her to speak some more.  

“Um, you know, about these treatments I’ve been having, I’m glad I’m having them, so don’t you start to get the wrong idea, but I have a question about them.”

“Blimey, what is it?” He asked, leaning away from her, a shocked look on his face. 

She adjusted his tie with nervous fingers, needing something to do that didn’t involve looking him in the eye.  She tucked her hair behind her ear and then returned her hands to his tie.  “Um, okay, so… I was wondering.  Is it safe for pregnant women?”

He didn’t seem to catch on at first.  “Hm, well yes, I’ve looked into it extensively, because quite honestly, I was going to bust the whole planet if it wasn’t and I- wait.  Rose. Are you-”

“Yeah,” She said softly, smiling. “Is that okay?”

“Is that  _ okay?”  _ He laughed joyously and took her in his arms, hugging her close, but in a gentle way, as though trying to protect the baby that was barely the size of a dime in Rose’s body.  He pulled back from her and kissed her hard, his hands cupping her cheeks. 

He was all over the place, as he pulled back from her before she was quite ready for the kiss to end.  He bent down and touched his fingertips to her abdomen.  

“Hello,” he whispered, “I’m your dad.” He beamed up at Rose.  “I’m this baby’s dad.”

“Yeah, you are,” she replied, tears forming in her eyes.  She had never seen him like this before. “Say hi to your kid, Doctor.”

“Oh, I think I just did,” he beamed at her.  “A baby.  A little you and me.”  he sounded so in awe that she properly burst into tears. She hadn’t expected him to be quite so happy. She cupped his cheeks and pulled him in for another kiss, needing to feel him close.  He wrapped his arms around her waist, dragging her more firmly into his lap.  

It was, perhaps, at that moment that they realized they were so terribly meant for one another.  The Doctor would not have found anyone if it hadn’t been for her. She was the only one that mattered, and the only one that would ever matter again.  

After several moments of a mind blowing kiss, he slid his hand to her stomach again, still kissing her desperately.

“Can you feel the baby?” She asked when she finally had to come up for air, forehead pressed to his.

“I won’t be able to for a couple of months,” he said softly, “But it will be so perfect.”

“Will I be able to?” Rose asked timidly.

He looked up at her and smiled softly.  “Oh yes,” he said, “You have a bit of natural telepathy in you, we’ve seen it, so of course you would be able to connect to your own child.  Probably before I”m able to, actually.”  He kissed her forehead. “You brilliant, perfect woman, how I love you.”  He leaned down and whispered to their baby, “And I love you too, little one.”

 She decided it, then.  This was the happiest moment of her entire life.

The Doctor rather thought so too.


End file.
